The commonly expression BRANGELINA shall heretofore cease to exist as a legally usable moniker, except where it is licensed to do so with express written permission from the PARTIES, who shall hereafter be known as BRAN and GELINA, two separate and distinct legal entities. Any real person known to be still using the moniker BRANGELINA […]
I try to show Lady Gaga I want peace by adopting her fashion methodology.
It has become a tradition in recent months for celebrities to autograph the bathroom wall at my eyebrow waxing salon. Astonishingly enough, the staff at Damone Roberts has neglected to invite me to participate in this ritual as of yet, but then my brand of “celebrity” probably plays better in more bookish cities. Also, they […]
[singlepic=528,560,560,,center] Ahh, the multilayered, nuanced, colorfully dressed and sneaky trainwreck that is Dennis Rodman. Now that he has been kicked off The Celebrity Apprentice, I’m not sure what I’ll miss most: him, his rhinestones, the Ed Hardy t-shirts, or the vodka/cranberry juice drinking. This week, as the Project Manager, Rodman lead the men’s team into […]
Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth, You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget Oh, you’re a rock ‘n’ roll suicide You’re too old to lose it, too young to choose it And the clocks waits so patiently on your […]
The other night I had a dream about Christian Bale. Well, peripherally about Christian Bale. Mostly it was about me, as is the case with most dreams, and (coincidentally) this is also the reason that posts that start out by saying, “The other night I had a dream about . . .” usually suck ass. […]
Maybe motherhood has made me soft. Maybe I’m just getting old, I don’t know. But I think it’s time to quit with the Joaquin Phoenix parodies, people. I’m not sure how to articulate why I think this is important: I just have a bad feeling about the whole situation. Now, don’t get me wrong, I […]