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Internet Memes of 2010 Reimagined For Mommybloggers

Sad Keanu is not allowed to give a keynote at BlogHer 2010. Strutting Leo’s “Radical Blogging Moms” panel has been approved for Mom 2.011. Video: Hitler finds out about anonymous Twitter accounts that have been mocking him and others for months. Outraged, he blames me and my infamous digitaltroll soldiers of lore. People hoped that […]

New Year’s Resolutions, Absolutions, Predictions, And/Or Dissolutions

High on the success of Basketball Wives, VH-1 decides to launch sister shows Football Wives, Baseball Wives, Hockey Wives, and Curling Wives, with varying levels of success. In order to more accurately reflect the content of their shows, the Real Housewives franchise will rename its properties as follows: The Real Short Sales of Orange County, […]

10 Uses For White After Labor Day

Follow Glenn Beck around on tour selling handmade commemorative hoods at an outrageous markup. Four words: Halloween — Good Humor Man. Continue to enjoy the largely unconscious privilege of being able to ignore it most of the time. Every once in a while, bring it out as an excuse for why you cannot dance or […]

12 Ineffective Methods Of Social Climbing

Whenever someone touches you in the course of taking a photograph — particularly somebody you like — stiffen up because the physical contact reminds your Id of all the time you spent languishing alone, listening to Wagner in the crib, and thus make sure there is a lasting photographic record that looks like you hate […]

19 Things To Ask Yourself Before Posting A Hate Letter To The Best Basketball Player In The World On Your NBA Team’s Website

How much have I been drinking tonight? Was it top shelf alcohol? Shouldn’t it have been? Wasn’t this probably the best night to break out the Johnny Walker Blue Label? Is it possible that I might have seen this coming? Really? Not even when LeBron took off the Cavalier’s jersey before he even made it […]

16 Reasons That June Of 2010 Will Someday Be Declared The Most Annoyingly Lame Month Ever

The World Cup continues its endless tournament, despite my steadfast refusal to watch it. Burger King has decided to sign off on a promotional campaign with the Eclipse chapter of the Twilight franchise for their kids meals — meaning that the “toy” given out to my 3-year-old was a plastic version of Edward’s black emo […]

You Just Missed Saving An Easy Goal At The World Cup — Now What?

Consider switching from tea to coffee. See about taking a holiday in Canada this year. Wonder if BP is hiring. Count your lucky stars that David Beckham lives in LA now, because dude looked more than a little pissed off. Decide that maybe it’s time to start dropping the “u” from words like “color,” “favorite,” […]