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parenting humor

8 Signs A Kid-Friendly Holiday Might Have Taken A Wrong Turn Somewhere

There’s an entire section devoted to zombie babies at the costume store. The favorite toy your three year old has found in months is a demonic plastic pumpkin that makes screaming noises. You are vaguely aware of some developmental purpose to Halloween, but you cannot remember how you being forced to dress up like a […]

12 Suggestions For A Rebranding Of Toddler Age-Based Stereotyping

The “Fuck You” Threes Var: The “Hey, You’re Fucked!” Threes The “Whole New Ball Game” Threes The “OK, Fine, You’re The Boss!” Threes Three: Wheeeeeee! The “No!!!!!!!! AM NOT! I NOT Three!” Threes The “Don’t Say That! Don’t SAY. NOT!” Threes “A-CAUSE I Don’t WAN You Say That!” Threes The “We Only Call It ‘The […]

18. Worst. Cartoon. Character. Catchphrases. Ever.

“Traintastic!” (Koko, Chuggington) “Oh, man!” (Swiper T. Fox, Dora The Explorer) “Eat my shorts!” (Bart, The Simpsons) “He’s a bossy boiler!” (Percy, Thomas & Friends) “Fire! Fire!” (Beavis and/or Butthead, Beavis & Butthead) “Okay, gang. Let’s split up and search for clues.” (Freddie, Scooby Doo) “That wasn’t supposed to happen.” (Widget, Wow Wow Wubbzy!) “Uh, […]

16 Things You Might Find Yourself Shocked To Discover Have Happened While You Were In The Shower, Provided You Are The Parent Of A Two-Year-Old Boy

The screen door has been knocked off the runner, and is now resting against the patio furniture like so much trash. Firefox has been mysteriously relocated to your external hard drive, just below a batch of birthday party photos featuring a cake shaped like Thomas the Train. There is a sippy cup still mostly full […]

15 Musings On The Occasion of Toddler Birthday Parties

[singlepic=240,560,330,,center] Mini attended two fêtes this weekend for toddler contemporaries of his. The feeling around the house was festive, and this mood was bolstered by the fact that neither of the two parties took place at Chuck E. Cheese’s. I suppose that’s not surprising, given the fact that parents of other toddlers would be aware […]

9 Theme Park Attractions Designed By Toddlers

[singlepic=240,560,330,,center] Rattlesnake Fields. In the Rattlesnake Fields, an inticing array of safe, cutting-edge, toddler-targeted toys and other distractions are placed alongside an aquarium full of angry rattlesnakes. The toys include such toddler favorites as Thomas the Tank Engine, Duplo blocks from Lego, and an assortment of stuffed animals and toy cars and trucks. The “other” […]