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Internet Memes of 2010 Reimagined For Mommybloggers

Sad Keanu is not allowed to give a keynote at BlogHer 2010. Strutting Leo’s “Radical Blogging Moms” panel has been approved for Mom 2.011. Video: Hitler finds out about anonymous Twitter accounts that have been mocking him and others for months. Outraged, he blames me and my infamous digitaltroll soldiers of lore. People hoped that […]

New Year’s Resolutions, Absolutions, Predictions, And/Or Dissolutions

High on the success of Basketball Wives, VH-1 decides to launch sister shows Football Wives, Baseball Wives, Hockey Wives, and Curling Wives, with varying levels of success. In order to more accurately reflect the content of their shows, the Real Housewives franchise will rename its properties as follows: The Real Short Sales of Orange County, […]

Things We Can Safely Classify As Being “Not Radical”

Poop Jokes about poop Ringworm Jokes about ringworm Eczema misdiagnosed as ringworm Jokes about eczema misdiagnosed as ringworm The number 64 Driving a minivan Mass-produced Che Guevara T-shirts Giveaways of any kind, but especially for toilet paper No sponsored posts for almost a decade, and then three in less than two weeks. Wait, that is […]

I’ll Give You Something To Weep A Single Tear About

Bullying. The situation in Middle East. Spilled milk. Unfortunate accents. Camille Grammer pretending to read The Art of War. Anne Hathaway’s unquestioned streak of hosting Saturday Night Live. Your haircut. The word “so” followed by a period, used as if it were a complete sentence (or, alternatively, a rhetorically effective one) on repeated circumstances. The […]

When The World Runs Out of Chocolate . . .

[Backstory here.] After much fanfare, the indisputable failure of the Carob Mocha will force Starbucks to reevaulate its “two-coffeeshops-on-every-corner!” business model. Those Boynton cartoon hippos always complaining that “things are getting worse” and that, therefore, you should “send chocolate,” will finally have to shut the fuck up once and for all and get jobs like […]

How To Write An Anti-Bullying Post That Will Inspire Millions

Enroll your child in a church-affiliated preschool. Encourage your child to choose a Halloween costume that crosses commonly accepted gender stereotypical lines. Time this unusual choice of Halloween costume at the apex of a national obsession with bullies and bullying, where anything talking about how bullying is bad has about a 1 in 4 probability […]

8 Signs A Kid-Friendly Holiday Might Have Taken A Wrong Turn Somewhere

There’s an entire section devoted to zombie babies at the costume store. The favorite toy your three year old has found in months is a demonic plastic pumpkin that makes screaming noises. You are vaguely aware of some developmental purpose to Halloween, but you cannot remember how you being forced to dress up like a […]