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internet culture

10 Uses For White After Labor Day

Follow Glenn Beck around on tour selling handmade commemorative hoods at an outrageous markup. Four words: Halloween — Good Humor Man. Continue to enjoy the largely unconscious privilege of being able to ignore it most of the time. Every once in a while, bring it out as an excuse for why you cannot dance or […]

8 Awkward Ways To Announce To The World That Your Friend Is Now Your Frenemy

Publicly petition Facebook to add a new “frenemy” classification to the “relationship status” category. When they ask why, tell them it’s because you need to add your former friend to it. Then retweet that. Write a post on your blog about how angry you are that Facebook insisted on notifying everyone that you had changed […]

7 Behaviors Just Might That Blow Your Whole “I Don’t Deign To Read Your Blog Or Follow You On Twitter” Cover

Retell a joke I made two years ago as if you made it up yourself. When that doesn’t get you any attention, write a whole blog post about it that nobody will read or make comments on. After I question whether or not a 9-person accurately can be rightfully be described as “mighty,” update the […]

14 Questions For Which You Already Have The Answer, Grasshopper

Why does everyone think we are a cult? Is this really the happiest place on earth? Are bloggers #realwriters? Is that the real issue at hand? Is it fair or ethically sound to run a cost-free fundraiser in the middle of a conference, gain mainstream media coverage, and encourage everybody to wear themed clothing in […]

12 Ineffective Methods Of Social Climbing

Whenever someone touches you in the course of taking a photograph — particularly somebody you like — stiffen up because the physical contact reminds your Id of all the time you spent languishing alone, listening to Wagner in the crib, and thus make sure there is a lasting photographic record that looks like you hate […]

Brainstorming New Paths Of Provocation For The Coming Year

Stage a respectful protest of Yummie Tummie promotional tweets in the weeks prior to BlogHer 2011 due to my skepticism that the ingestion of fifty pounds of branded cupcakes can be restrained by any amount of lycra spandex, however well-engineered. Start a BlogHer conference pass scalping ring. Add a descriptive term to (“provocative” ?) to […]

16 Reasons That June Of 2010 Will Someday Be Declared The Most Annoyingly Lame Month Ever

The World Cup continues its endless tournament, despite my steadfast refusal to watch it. Burger King has decided to sign off on a promotional campaign with the Eclipse chapter of the Twilight franchise for their kids meals — meaning that the “toy” given out to my 3-year-old was a plastic version of Edward’s black emo […]

26 Ideas For Blogging Niche Conferences That I Have Totally Copyrighted, So Don’t Even Think About Stealing Them. Seriously.

Bloggers Who Don’t Give A Crap About Coupons Or How They Are Delivered 2010 Bloggers Who Want To Start A Facebook Protest Group But Aren’t Sure What To Protest 2010 Bloggers Who Unfollow Me For Making Fun Of Facebook Protest Groups 2010 Bloggers Who Like To Use Their MBA To Frame Things A Little Bit […]

15 More Headlines To Transpose Onto Creative Commons Stock Photos

Five Years Later, Mommyblogger Still Ranting About Unpaid Product Reviews Mommyblogger Gets Bumped from Third Place Morning Show; Internet Forgets To Care In The Midst Of 3-Day, Multi-Post, Psychotic And Expletive-Laden Rampage, Blogger Declares Questions About Business Revenue “Rude” In The Wake Of Criticism Of Elitist Criteria For Entry To Last Year’s Annual Party, Popular […]