There have been some misunderstandings perpetuated lately about how much money successful mommybloggers make. Because most of the really successful ones will not talk about how much they make except off the record, it is easy to assume that everyone who mommyblogs is fighting over gigs that are worth a few hundred bucks a post at most: those are the people who respond to a general call on Twitter about rates for sponsored posts. But saying that this represents what successful mommybloggers make is like saying that you can judge the salary of a working actor by the extra who works as a waitress at nights to make ends meet.

The people who are making the real money are not talking about it publicly. They are not talking about it because the amount of money they make for these posts is jaw-dropping.

For bloggers who are doing it professionally, sponsored posts pay very very well. You probably don’t even know how well unless you happen to be one of those bloggers, or unless you have access to one of them. For example, in a recent post about how much money mommybloggers make, there was a bit about a blogger who claimed to have a million pageviews per month and who charged one thousand dollars for a sponsored post. I received a direct message on Twitter from somebody who knows how much these posts pay which said, “The fact that this blogger would charge only $1,000 for a sponsored post proves that she cannot possibly have a million pageviews.” Because if she really had a million pageviews, she would probably be charging at least $5,000 for a sponsored post. Or else in the market for new representation.

So you can see why turning down sponsored posts would be very difficult for bloggers to do. A few hours (tops) of work for several thousand dollars? It would be tough to find a writing gig that rivaled that return rate.

The problem is that all but the most dedicated of fans tends to be turned off by sponsored content, and I assume this is why these posts pay so well. I used to think that well-placed ads and professionally done placements would temper this effect, but recent months have shown this might not be the case. Is it that readers begrudge the blogger making money? Perhaps in some cases, but generally I think it has more to do with an authenticity View definition in a new window problem: people who are attracted to blogs tend to like the personal, unpolished touch that differentiates blogs from magazines. Sponsored content gets in the way of that, and some audiences are more tolerant than others of the distance.

Whether you are a big blogger or a smaller blogger, you should keep this problem in mind when deciding to do a sponsored post. The larger bloggers need to worry about how many they can do before the audience turns off completely, and the smaller ones should probably be turning down most of (if not all of) the small offers if they ever want to be one of the people entertaining a large offer.

I’ve noted before that tragedy tends to build mommyblog traffic. Initially, this was something that just emerged as pattern: it was obviously not something that anyone could or would plan for themselves. Now there are many top mommybloggers whose followings were established (at least in part) in the aftermath of some kind of personal tragedy.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, it’s just something that happens. If you want to get kind of spiritual about it, it might be seen as a way of righting the universe, because it allows these bloggers some means of healing through a connection with others who are in similar situations.

But what is troubling to me is a more recent phenomenon wherein victimhood is being manufactured specifically for the purpose of generating more blogging attention. Here’s how it works: something happens, usually a small thing on the grand scale of suffering. Then the blogger calls attention to the “misfortune” by writing a blog post about it or tweeting about it (or both). The blogger’s friends and colleagues then retweet or repost about the injustices suffered by the blogger. With each additional post or tweet (or Facebook update, or what have you), the original story becomes more and more muddled, and before you know it there are people choosing sides and declaring team affiliations, petitioning for justice for some kind of perceived slight the specifics of which nobody can remember anymore.

I’m not sure this approach to generating attention would be acceptable in any context, but the circumstances in which it tends to occur make it particularly galling. Often it happens because some blog reader has left a comment on a blog that is not supportive. In some cases the comment might actually be rude or insulting — though this is never necessary! it needs only to be slightly unsupportive to work as a possible means of generating support. Other times, it might be a perceived slight somehow relating to parenting choices that occurs in public — somebody has looked sideways at a breastfeeding mother, or somebody was left out of a playdate because she didn’t have the right kind of lululemon yoga pants — and this is turned into an event View definition in a new window worthy of weeks of mobs and torches.

Enough already.

If you choose to participate in this kind of crap, you are encouraging people to act like defenseless children. You are saying that women are not capable of fighting their own battles, that we need to be rescued from the most mundane of everyday conflicts. You are encouraging people to appropriate the misfortunes of others for their own gain, and worst of all, you are trivializing the experiences of those among us who really do need support. Playing the victim is despicable — but assisting people to do so is even worse.

Last week, I questioned whether or not the social media economy could continue to support mommyblogging for cash in its current form indefinitely. Though the answer to this question remains unclear, it occurred to me that, in anticipation of the BlogHer View definition in a new window 2011 conference (beginning next week), there are a few possible signs of a lessening of faith in the influence of mommybloggers as an economic force. None of these signs are 100% conclusive, but they’re worth noting anyway, if for no other reason than to track the progress of the business over time. For instance:

1. BlogHer View definition in a new window 2011 is still not sold out.

As of the time of this publication, there are still tickets available for BlogHer View definition in a new window 2011. This is in direct contrast to the situation with previous years wherein tickets sold out well in advance to the conference, and in fact some were auctioned off on eBay, in some cases for more than their face value.

Of course, it should be noted that last year’s conference was in New York City, which is a more convenient and likely more desirable location for many conference attendees. Also: please note that 2010 had a maximum capacity of around 2,500 people, whereas this year the ticket sales are capped at about 3,200. The facility is larger, and the additional 700 slots could also help to account for the surplus tickets this year.

2. No Social Luxe party this year.

For the past two years, the Social Luxe Lounge has been a big part of the pre-BlogHer View definition in a new window conference festivities. Best known for having a choice swag View definition in a new window bag full of sponsor-provided goodies, the Social Luxe Lounge has been one of the most coveted private party invites for the past few years running.

For BlogHer View definition in a new window 2011, though, there will be no Social Luxe Lounge. The official explanation for the absence of the party, as given on the Social Luxe website is that, “[d]ue to circumstances among all three hostesses, the stars just simply are not aligning this year.” Instead of the Social Luxe Lounge, there will be a lower-profile Blog Luxe awards ceremony that celebrates “inspiring blogs,” but presumably, means there will be no coveted swag View definition in a new window.

The fact that there is no Social Luxe Lounge this year is likely due to many different causes, but to cancel the plans for the party in the presence of strong sponsor interest seems unlikely. If you have fewer peopled willing to put stuff in the swag View definition in a new window bags, it’s a little more difficult to throw a swanky party, and though the change in venue might also have affected the interest from sponsors, it seems like this is in direct contrast to previous years, where the bags were overflowing with brands that wanted to be involved.

3. There appears to be a dearth of special sponsored programs this year.

Remember #GapMagic, the PR campaign that outfitted several bloggers in free clothing for Gap before BlogHer View definition in a new window 2010? Even before #GapMagic View definition in a new window, there have been many situations in which bloggers have been outfitted with clothing by brands before BlogHer View definition in a new window as a promotional technique. But this year, I have yet to hear of anything like #GapMagic View definition in a new window or similar promotional efforts. If these efforts had been considered successful, I would think that there would be more of them this year, rather than less. As BlogHer View definition in a new window approaches, we may see some crop up, but my instincts are telling me there is just less overall interest from brands this year.

Are you getting a sense that the brand interest for the BlogHer View definition in a new window conference is the same or lessened this year?