- Make a priority of tagging at least ten people on Facebook each week in photos from high school.
- Extra points if any of the people you tag have bad perms.
- Become a regular in the comments section of Jezebel.
- Related: wax philosophical on what victims of domestic violence should do when you yourself have never been in a violent situation, nor are you personally acquainted with anyone who has suffered domestic violence.
- Take photos of alcoholic beverages and post them to Instagram.
- Well — you know, more regularly than you already do.
- Attempt to make a sponsored post about The Smurfs relate to one or more of the following: John Stuart Mill, Jacques Derrida, or Malcolm Gladwell.
- [Gladwell is just a bone I'm throwing to the common folk, FYI.]
- Make a list of resolutions for other people.
- Invite somebody to your “white” party, and then when they get there, tell them they have to go home.
- Throw a “white” party.
- Sob uncontrollably when you are throwing people out of your “white” party.
- Have black chandeliers at your “white” party.
- Break a chandelier when you’re out scouting chandeliers for your “white” party.
- Don’t offer to pay for the chandelier you broke.
- Become friends with Faye Resnick.
- Make an appearance on Watch What Happens Live!
- Try to watch more Bravo in the New Year.
02
Jan 2012
12
Sep 2011
- Tips on online marketing.
- Blogs on online marketing.
- Expensive courses/ebooks/manuals on online marketing.
- Real Housewives franchises.
- Although it kills me to say it, let me tell you.
- Maybe go ahead and dump all of the extant franchises, while you’re at it, except New York and Beverly Hills.
- Also, on the reunion shows, figure out a way for Andy to mute people selectively so that we can actually hear what is going on.
- You can keep the mute on Kelly Bensimon and Cindy Barshop for most of the reunion show, too, because they never make any sense anyway.
- Just my opinion.
- Blog posts lamenting the scourge of trolls/bullies/griefers/nom de jour for commenters less than 100% supportive of any given topic in the blogosphere.
- Group mommyblog sites.
- More websites that give you the parent’s take on any given topic. Because at this point we are down to matters of auto repair and stamp collecting in terms of topics that have not already been covered.
- Blog posts about the experience of 9/11 written by people who lost none of their loved ones in the terrorist attacks, much less were they personally in New York City, the Pentagon, or a field in Pennsylvania when the attacks occurred.
- Declarations that writing on the internet of any kind — with an extremely few and far between exceptions — is “brave.”
- Claims about death threats on the internet.
- Because if you have been threatened, you should be contacting the authorities and then busy yourself being quiet about it.
- I recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker if you have any other questions on how to handle legitimate concerns in issues of personal or familial safety.
- Songs sung by Real Housewives or the children of Real Housewives.
- (Because . . . AWKWARD.)
- Gratuitous list posts.
- Wait.
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- “Then I Saw His? Her? Face, Now I’m A Belieber”: The Popularization of Androgyny, Poor Personal Hygiene, Dark Essie Nail Polish, And Swag
Coaches In The Late Naughts - “Cream Filling First, Then The Cookies, One At A Time”: Yes, There IS a Right Way To Eat An Oreo, And You’re Probably Not Doing It Right
- “How Can It Be A Circle-Jerk If We’re All Women?”: How Appearing To Agree (or Disagree) Is Not Necessarily Agreeing (or Disagreeing), But In Fact Is A Delicately Nuanced Strategic Dance Difficult To Interpret From The Outside, And Littered With Insincere Smiley Faces
- [Related] “Smooches!”: Disingenuity, Smiley Faces, LULZ, And The Age Of The Facebook Friend
- “But Seriously: Is It Pronounced ‘WHOO-UR’ or ‘HORE’?”: The Cumulative Effects Of New Jersey-Based Television Shows On The American Lexicon
- “I Don’t Watch Glee Or The Bachelor, But Please Don’t Tell Anyone”: Diversity And Acceptance In The Mommyblogosphere
- “How Can We Nice White Ladies Be Of Service?”: How To Hold Your Own In Facile Discussions of The Help And Stage A Book Burning Outside Of Your Local Cinemaplex
- “OMG SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP”: The Sum Total Of All Twitter Direct Message Conversations, Irrespective Of Race, Class, Gender and Sexual Orientation