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I tried to get him to balance it on his head, and he explained to me that disemboweling came more naturally.
And in spite of myself, I had to agree with his point that disembowelment was more symbolically suited to my blogging voice than namby-pamby head balancing anyway.
I’m about six weeks along. And before you ask, yes: I had been planning on not writing about this until things were “safer,” or at least until I had an ultrasound. But not talking about it is difficult for me, particularly whilst doing things like eating a dozen deviled eggs (I hate eggs) and subsequently vomiting them up. So, welcome to the roller coaster ride, kids! If things go well, we’ve got about 34 more weeks of this crap.
This morning I headed over to the Sheraton New York to interview for a possible potential place in a reality show about mommybloggers. Now, this is all very hypothetical. So, please stop freaking out. I have extremely mixed feelings about the prospect of a reality show for obvious reasons — I don’t even show my kid’s face on this blog or use my husband’s real name. And I’ve already covered the fat on TV issue from multiple perspectives.
I did want to know more about this process, though, and getting an interview was a surefire way of finding more out. Also, there is part of me that is a total traffic whore, as you know. And absent an EVENT, a reality show might be my only shot at display ad income from a mommyblog.
But disclaimers aside, nobody knows if this show will ever be made at this point, or even if they want me in it if it does, or if I will want to do it if they do. So for now, let’s stop wringing our hands and just gossip about what we do know, which is what happened in the interview.
I got there, and they had one room for interviews and one room for waiting. And if we were to speak in metaphors, then we could say that the rooms were kind of like the divide between The Mommyblogosphere and Hollywood aka the Reality With Which I Am Familiar.
In one of the rooms, when I explained that the hosts of the convention I’m currently attending might not particularly like me, a third party interjected, “Well, you sued them.” [For those playing at home, I did not sue BlogHer.] The mood in that room was upbeat, and it was clear that the objective of the people involved with Project Mom casting on that mommyblogging side of it are interested in keeping true to their vision of the uplifting, triumph-of-the-human-spirit mommy brooch brigade dream.
Which of course is all fine and good, but will never in a million years sell to a network.
The interview room was more what I expected from a TV casting room. Not that I have any experience with this stuff, because even though I am from Los Angeles I have never done anything with TV or whatever. But I was far more comfortable in the interview room than I was in the waiting room, which I’m thinking is a bad, bad sign — both for me, and possibly for all of America. The crew were all entertainment people, exactly what I would have expected, and this is the part that is going to terrify all of you:they were laughing at my jokes. The whole crew.
Yeah. And so the student becomes the teacher.
The interview was set up like a confessional from any of the reality shows, like the things they do on Real Housewives. So the producer, Lee Vandeman, would ask me questions, and get me to answer them in full sentences. It was a conversation, but you cannot hear her talking on the tape. At one point in the interview, I remember there being a question like, “This does not really sound very controversial. What is it that is so controversial about this?” And I gave her a look like, “I know, I KNOW! I KNOW?!” And at that moment, I thought, let’s go into the other room and tell them this! It’s all so simple, really! Do you see?!
But then she said, “Are you misunderstood, Anna?” And I said, “You know, I don’t think I would be happy, frankly, if everybody just liked me, automatically. It’s like — why do I live in Los Angeles? Why do I live in a city that is so against everything I stand for? I need something against which to develop.”
And that’s kind of how I feel about certain parts of the mommyblogosphere. It was a kind of revelation.
I have already announced this on Personal Finance, but for those of you who don’t read over there, I’d like to call your attention to the new ABDPBT Glossary page. This comes at the suggestion of Kate, a Personal Finance lurker who is less versed in the ways of the mommy blogosphere. The idea behind the glossary is that, perhaps, we can expand the appeal of this blog beyond the usual suspects by allowing people to understand the kind of oblique references I make in my posts by allowing everyone to look up key terms instead of having to google furiously and come up dry for the various wink/nudge things with which I often pepper my writing.
Incidentally, sometimes I put wink/nudge things in my posts that are a combination of things or variations of things that actually happened — in those cases, you won’t be able to find an actual glossary reference because I am utilizing that literary technique that is a hallmark of the mommy blogger genre (hyperbole) to make a point. However, wherever possible, I will try to add references either within the posts themselves, or at the end of the posts, for those of you who want to try to figure out the references.
At present, there are only a few terms in the glossary. But I plan to add to it constantly. Please feel free to offer suggestions on what terms I should add, either in comments, or by email. I think the more you can do this, the better, because I will definitely overlook things that need to be explained. I have started putting glossary terms at the end of posts for newer readers who are trying to catch up so that they can go back to catch up on backstory if needed, and also, since I just realized that the links on this particular plugin do not show up in RSS feeds, I’ll include a direct link to the glossary page itself. I will continue to look for better glossary plugin options, but in the meantime this option works well while you are on the site at least, since it highlights glossary terms with both a link and a little folder thingy next to it.
New here? Not sure what one of the references I made is about? It might be time to check the ABDPBT Glossary. To translate, you might want to check out the ABDPBT Glossary page, or just look for links within the text with folders next to them to see what various terms mean.
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ONLINE DATING CHRONICLES
Sure, I eventually met my husband, Mr. Right-Click, through online dating. But not before I had dated nearly one hundred of Los Angeles' least suitable bachelors. Laugh along in my Online Dating Chronicles.
Sometimes I like to muckrake. You can read about it here. Oh, and here too. Listen, if I don't do it, that muck will just keep piling up until we have to call a roto-rooter. So really, you should thank me. You're welcome.
You know, you slave away at blog posts day after day, you try to write fiction, you try to provide interesting social commentary, but at the end of the day, they come for the lists. Check out List Mondays to see what all the hullabaloo is about, because I sure as hell cannot explain it.
OTHER ABDPBT BLOGS
ABDPBT Personal Finance
Shining a light on the big business of poop.
Tech for mommy bloggers. Or bloggers who aren't mommies, but hang out with them. Or Dads. Whatever.
ABDPBT Commodity Fetishism
This is where I post stuff that I think is cool. Maybe you will think it's cool, too.
If you'd prefer to peruse the ABDPBT archives by month, you can check them out here:
Los Angeles is where I was born and raised. I always thought I'd leave, but for some reason I never did. Sometimes, I like it here. Other times, I'm not so sure. But good or bad, it has made me who I am.
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Sometimes I take the melodrama of my life and twist and turn it until it looks almost charming. I do this because I want you to like me:
Assburger: It's not just a disorder on the autism spectrum: it's also one of your relatives!
On Truth: Sometimes somebody will say something and it hurts your feelings. And then you will write a story about it and your aunt will call it "phenomenal." Everyone else will try to pretend like it never happened.
The Sheer And Unmitigated Power of Bob Mould: Sometimes you spend your formative years obsessed by an unrequited teenage crush, and then one day you realize that person is now an orthopedic surgeon who lives in your neighborhood. It kinda sucks when that happens.
Ben From Madera: For one Halloween, Ben dressed up like a bee, like that kid in the Blind Melon video. That's how I will always remember him.
He is my best friend, even if he uses a PC. And the fact that sometimes he will pretend to be a "Pancake Pirate" is only part of the reason. Arrrr!
His cutie-pie percentile group is off the charts.
If you think this is just about exercise, then you have underestimated how wildly inappropriate people can be when they undergo physical pain in a group setting.
Mini: The Fame
My name is Anna. I like to blog. ABDPBT is a creative effort at understanding my experience as a wife, mother, recovering academic, popular culture enthusiast, satirist, and unrepentant fake American.