12 Things That Are Almost As Crazy As Kelly Killoren Bensimon On St. John. But Not Quite.

by anna on May 24, 2010

  1. The writing staff of Lost — if they think I’m buying the deus-ex-machina “explaining” the black smoke monster was planned from day one — not to mention what other crocks of shit they plan to feed me about the island and its majesty later on this evening.
  2. The eyes of Shannon Brown, Grant Hill, and (of course) Ramona Singer.
  3. The eyes of any children that might hypothetically reproduce, if any two of the above three were to (gasp!) decide to reproduce together.
  4. Me, giddy with the the prospect of (knock on wood) a Lakers/Celtics NBA Finals.
  5. The idea that we needed to have scientists sent up to the BP oil spill to tell us that it is “much worse than has been reported by BP.”
  6. Me, for not realizing that this list would be somewhat challenging to write.
  7. You, if you think I’m spending two hours watching recaps of Lost before the two hour finale tonight.
  8. People who think that @Shitmydadsays is going to make a good network TV show.
  9. Parents’ groups who are up in arms about the fact that @shitmydadsays is going to be made into a network show.
  10. People who think that Momversation is going to make a good network TV show.
  11. The fact that the next session of Bloggy Boot Camp appears to be almost sold out.
  12. How many conferences have cropped up in the past year based on the concept of transmitting small messages to people across the world on a tiny network of tubes, consisting of only the same number of characters as there are (supposedly) in Charles Dickens’ The Pickwick Papers.

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{ 20 comments }

jonniker May 24, 2010 at 4:23 am

Our friendship may take a dark turn during the NBA finals, I’m afraid. A DARK TURN, INDEED.

Before we reach that point, let it be known that I do like you quite a bit, no matter what happens or what I say, should the finals involve our rival teams.

anna May 24, 2010 at 6:49 am

Well, last night’s unfortunate loss notwithstanding, I think it’s likely that it’s going to be our teams, J. So the way I see it, we can do this two ways: 1) handle it like I do with my Republican friends (yes I have TWO of them, shut up!) where we just don’t EVER DISCUSS IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES; or 2) we go all out, get sponsors, and have a 7 game all-out Twitter smackdown.

Your call. Bear in mind I’m at an advantage in this case because the games are played at an earlier time on the West Coast, so I’ll be sharper.

Alexis May 24, 2010 at 5:43 am

Lost is one of those shows like 24 and Prison Break where every year I just wonder how they kept the premise going. I mean really how long can you milk any of those themes? For many, many seasons apparently. (Never mind that I am clearly too stupid for Lost since I never had any idea what was going on…)

As for Momversation…it would make a great show (from a sales/marketing perspective), the rabid followers would eat it up and the rabid haters (who can all “suck it”) would watch just to bitch and moan. I love the smell of parenting wank in the morning.

Anyway, the crazy springs eternal around here as always…got my list up.

anna May 24, 2010 at 6:51 am

I was going to say that I didn’t think Momversation has a plot line for a full TV show but then I thought, what am I talking about? You’re right. It would probably be a huge hit. But some of the people would have to be switched out and/or Hollywoodified for it to play on national TV.

sbh June 2, 2010 at 11:29 pm

I agree about Lost, the moment Jack and Kate (and I think Sawyer or Sayid) meet ‘the others’ for the first time in the jungle (a meet and greet gorilla style) and the first question Jack asks is, “who are you people?” and not “where the f are all the children you kidnapped?” had me lose interest completely.

MommyNamedApril May 24, 2010 at 7:10 am

ummm… while all crazy, none even come close to kelly bensimon.

anna May 24, 2010 at 7:12 am

Yeah. It’s hard to top a meth-fueled psychotic break. Allegedly.

Kerry May 24, 2010 at 8:18 am

Oh, seriously…what drug is Kelly on exactly? Because it’s clear that drugs are involved here (and not the beneficial kind).

I tried to watch that Momversation clip, but I couldn’t finish it. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten through a whole one. The Target ads actually hold my attention better than the Momversation clips do. Yawn.

anna May 24, 2010 at 8:57 am

I have narrowed it down to one of the following:

Adderall
phentermine
cocaine
methamphetamine

I think it’s one of the two first ones, though, because the last two are very hard to do long term without plunging head first into physical and mental turmoil immediately. I would guess this is a longterm cycle of abuse that started when she was modeling to keep weight off, that’s why I’m guessing it’s one of the first two, which are prescription drugs and would be easier to maintain for long periods of time without people necessarily noticing.

But it’s also possible that it’s drug use and some history of mental illness that we’re seeing in combination here. She clearly has a serious denial mechanism — she freaks out when people start talking about emotions, cannot handle it and will shut down. That’s not drug use, that’s something psychological.

Susan May 24, 2010 at 9:59 am

Did we learn nothing from the Geico “Caveman”…and Tyra. Leave well enough alone.

anna May 24, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Oh, if they think they can sell it, they will put it on ABC.

Becky May 24, 2010 at 10:20 am

I watched that RHONY even though I have mostly sworn off all the RH antics. And whoa! It does seem like there’s some kind of acute drug issue, but perhaps layered on top of a personality disorder, like maybe Borderline (constant belief that people are persecuting her). Or maybe Batshit Crazy, one of those.

anna May 24, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Ooh, borderline. That is one I know so little about. But you’re right, she does seem to have a persecution complex.

Juliet Grossman May 24, 2010 at 11:00 am

My view is undoubtedly colored by the fact that she’s my real-life friend, but I do think SITS/Bloggy Boot Camp has hit on something people want and need. I haven’t been (went to SITSCation which was different) and tried to go to Phoenix but hurt my knee so couldn’t drive. Hope to make it up with San Francisco:-)

anna May 24, 2010 at 12:14 pm

You are clearly right, Juliet. And I totally applaud her for finding a niche with a market. However, I heard somewhere that this was started to get more recognition for “bloggers who aren’t good writers.” Now I don’t know if that is true, or something somebody said after the fact, or totally false, or whatever, but . . . I mean, can you see why I have to poke fun at that? Not at her, for making a business endeavor, because CLEARLY she’s a smart businesswoman, but bloggers who aren’t good writers needing recognition? You are ASKING TOO MUCH OF ME TO NOT MAKE FUN OF THIS. I beg of you, Juliet. Please.

Juliet Grossman May 24, 2010 at 12:31 pm

A special conference created just for bloggers who aren’t good writers? Truly a “special” conference lol. Are you making that up or did you actually hear that somewhere? T. from SITS takes some crap and I can’t figure out why, honestly. It doesn’t seem like her message is different from BlogHer or other big conferences. There might be sour grapes from those who wish they’d thought of a simple way to make money doing something you enjoy. I do know T. has said, “I’m not a writer” meaning she came to blogging on its own, not because she was originally a writer looking for a place to post more literary type of work. So maybe that quote is conflated together with sour grapes or fun-pokers. I know the NYT articles about her made much of the fact that she says, “You guys” when she talks. We *are* from California after all.

anna May 24, 2010 at 12:36 pm

No I absolutely did hear that, that this was touted as the reason for the conference being established, and that’s the only reason I would single it out from any of the other ones. I’ve only been to two conferences, and there is a big difference between those two, but I don’t have a problem with the idea of conferences in general, because hell, if there’s a market, then why not? But I just find the idea of a blogging conference for people who aren’t good at writing funny. It’s nothing to do with her or the conference specifically, because I wasn’t there, and I don’t know her. I say “you guys” and “like” quite a bit myself, actually. But I always figure people are welcome to infer that I’m stupid or unpolished. I actually encourage that line of thinking from people.

Katy May 25, 2010 at 10:09 am

I made a list. On Tuesday. I’m a rebel…. Like Billie Jean….. FAIR IS FAIR.

anna May 25, 2010 at 4:04 pm

You are linked up, but that doesn’t make you INVINCIBLE.

Katy May 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Your iron fist feels like home.

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