15 More Headlines To Transpose Onto Creative Commons Stock Photos

by anna on May 16, 2010

photo by John-Morgan

  1. Five Years Later, Mommyblogger Still Ranting About Unpaid Product Reviews View definition in a new window
  2. Mommyblogger Gets Bumped from Third Place Morning Show; Internet Forgets To Care
  3. In The Midst Of 3-Day, Multi-Post, Psychotic And Expletive-Laden Rampage, Blogger Declares Questions About Business Revenue “Rude”
  4. In The Wake Of Criticism Of Elitist Criteria For Entry To Last Year’s Annual Party, Popular Culture Website Sends Secret VIP Invite To The Blogger Who Criticized Them; Shortly Thereafter, Entire Planet Implodes From Excess Of Irony And Absence Of Self-Awareness
  5. Exclusive: Mommyblogger Attempts To Blackmail Ad Network
  6. No, Really! That Sounds Totally Reasonable And Not In Need Of Further Substantiation, Right?
  7. After Seeing Their Kids Off To College, Veteran Bloggers Gather To Commiserate Over How Much They Resent The Term “MommyBlogger”
  8. Update On Blackmailing Mommyblogger: Blackmail Offer Somehow Tangentially Related To Lawyerly Lawsuit Legality Claim
  9. Daddybloggers: It’s Probably Best Just To Not Ever Joke About Them
  10. 3 Out of 4 Non-Lawyer Mommybloggers Agree: Letter Written For Blackmailing Mommyblogger Could Not Have Been Written By An Actual Lawyerly Lawyer, Like The Real, Professional, Businessman Lawyer Man Kind Of Lawyer — You Know, Like The Kind You See On Law & Order
  11. Faced With Impending Email Bankruptcy, Blogger Finally Collapses Under Weight Of Own Self-Importance
  12. This Just In: Previous Headline About Somebody Wanting To Impersonate A MommyBlogger Was Not An April Fool’s Joke. Because It’s May! LULZ!
  13. Pre-Law Mommyblogger Bases Legal Authority On Having Once Played In A Band With . . . Courtney Love, Yeah, That’s The Ticket!
  14. After Accusing Another Blogger Of Being “Lonely, Mean, And Crazy,” Neilsen Power Mom Smokes Another Doob, Goes On A Rampage About #Lunchables View definition in a new window And Calls It A Day
  15. New Study Shows Correlation Between Amount You Complain About Trolls And Amount You Look Like One

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt View definition in a new window dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

  1. Cute Letterpress Father’s Day Cards By Egg Press | ABDPBT Commodity Fetishism
  2. How To Read The New, But Constantly Updating ABDPBT Blogging Ad Network Quick Reference Guide | ABDPBT Personal Finance
  3. Beta Dad
  4. Alexis at the Well-Read Mom
  5. Juliet at Temecula Blogorama
  6. BarnMaven
  7. Heidi at The Maxwell’s Madness

{ 40 comments }

beta dad May 16, 2010 at 3:53 pm

I made a list! It’s about how easy parenting is.

anna May 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm

You’re linked up.

Chag May 16, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Maybe I’m an idiot, but I still can’t figure out what the ace in the lemon is supposed to imply.

anna May 16, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Me either! That’s part of why I can’t stop making fun of it. Why would you choose it? Why?

jana May 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm

I want to know more about #14!!

anna May 16, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Well, it’s all a matter of Twitter public record, Jana, so you can go back and enjoy it at your leisure.

Kate May 16, 2010 at 4:10 pm

I love them all so much, I can’t pick a favorite. Spot on, Anna!

anna May 16, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I had a backlog of spite to get out, as you can probably imagine, after the past few weeks. The list wrote itself.

home and uncool May 16, 2010 at 5:28 pm

You are always welcome to joke about me as long as it’s in the form of an off-color limerick. Beyond that, I’ll have to cut ya.

anna May 16, 2010 at 5:54 pm

It’s no fun unless there’s a threat of physical violence. I think you know that, Kevin.

jonniker May 16, 2010 at 5:50 pm

#14 honestly made me laugh out loud. The belly kind. HA HA HA. HAHAHAHAHA. Meanwhile, after said doob, you can’t tell me #lunchables wouldn’t sound pretty damn delicious.

anna May 16, 2010 at 5:55 pm

I think she prefers homemade chocolate cake, without any kind of preservatives, but I cannot be sure that she’d be so discerning after a bunch of doobs, no.

Michele May 16, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Doobs are organic dontcha know.

Bwahaaaaaa

Kerry May 17, 2010 at 5:27 am

Apparently I have been spelling doob wrong my entire life.

I think you should get t-shirts made what photo. I would totally buy one.

anna May 17, 2010 at 6:06 am

No, I might be spelling it wrong. That was never my drug of choice.

patois May 17, 2010 at 6:40 am

I think the “brownies” in a #lunchable would be good after a doob, but I don’t know that I could get over the slime feeling of the #lunchable meat post-doob.

anna May 17, 2010 at 7:14 am

I think the lunchable meat is pretty nasty, but doesn’t the doob make gross food taste really good? Isn’t that the magic of the doob?

Alexis May 17, 2010 at 7:02 am

Ha! I like #6, I feel like just taking things at face value is what may have started it all…

I bet you feel better now, I do just for reading this list!

Got a list up…one devoted to shameless frivolity and consumerism, all the good stuff.

anna May 17, 2010 at 7:17 am

Alexis, you’re linked up.

You know, I’ve been thinking, my easiest path to monetization might well be to create keys to lists like these, just like Alexander Pope did to his satire. For example, a PDF copy of the VIP email I got for number 4? All put up in a nice little package for $29.95 with links to everything through e-junkie? It might be my only way of actually cashing in on any of this junk.

I’m only like 1/10th kidding. Because all of you guys know who I’m talking about with these but the great unwashed reading this do not, and I’m guessing I could get them to pay for me to spell it out for them, just as long as there were no way for me to trace who was buying the PDF.

Alexis May 17, 2010 at 10:18 am

Um…that may actually be the most genius idea I have ever heard. Just market it as a Beginners Guide to Blogging Minefields or some such. If you want to run with the big boys this is useful information to have!

Kerry May 17, 2010 at 10:28 am

This would be even better if you could subscribe to updates (like the Amazon grocery list where you get a 15% discount if you agree to take regular deliveries of diapers, Malt-O-Meal, etc.).

That would save me a ton of time.

And then it would come with a free t-shirt, with the lemon photo.

Perfect.

anna May 17, 2010 at 12:27 pm

I’m wondering how to price it. You know the MP people would only buy one copy and share it like 8 million times, so that makes me want to price it high. But then you want to keep it low so that more people will buy it. It’s like with the Apprentice, on those tasks where it comes down to pricing. It’s really a touch call sometimes. What is a product like this worth in a free market economy? I mean I can make it a high quality product, get a good template design, screenshots, do a nice little write-up, etc. But it’s still a PDF, you know. It’s not a full on book.

Juliet Grossman May 17, 2010 at 7:23 am

I love “the more you complain about trolls, the more you look like one.” Ha!

I have a list up today: http://thanksgivingfeast.blogspot.com/2010/05/five-ways-to-make-bouquet-last-forever.html

Sara May 17, 2010 at 8:56 am

The only one I don’t get is #13 and googling “pre-law blog + Courtney Love” is a rabbit hole I do not want to go down.

Best list ever, by the way! Only thing missing is Woman Spends Fifteen Minutes On WebMd.com, Now Qualified For Internet Diagnosis.

anna May 17, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Sara, if you go to that wonderful unbiased journalistic site that always does its homework and checks with its sources for outrageous claims made about people, and check in the comment section, you’ll find what you’re looking for.

Sara May 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm

This is so fun. Perhaps rather than selling the PDF you could create Teasure-hunt Tuesdays (because who doesn’t love alliteration) and the winner will receive a free mixer! (or whatever, I’m just thinking out loud here.) You could draw tons of traffic and corporate sponsorships and then some big ad network will give you all the paid ads that . . . Oh, wait.

Barnmaven May 17, 2010 at 9:58 am

My list is up. Two lists, actually. Not nearly as funny as yours…

Sara, I like that addition.

monkey May 17, 2010 at 10:10 am

This is totally a pet peeve and not that important, but it drives me up the WALL when people smugly assert that they majored in pre-law or pre-med or pre-cardiology in undergrad. At 99% of accredited universities there is no. such. fucking. major. The majority of attorneys are either english or poli sci majors. And actually, all 3 professional schools (law, business, medicine) have people who majored in everything from theatre to basket weaving to poli sci to biology to math-all you have to do is pass the standardized test, and for medical school, have a few credits in org chem and bio or whatever.

I know that makes me sound like a complete bitch but I actually read someone assert that they majored in Pre-Cardiology in college (I’m changing the actual medical specialty in question) and I got a headache. You cannot be Pre-Medical Specialty That Sounds Posh in undergrad. You can’t (and I speak as the person who has as many doctors in her family as you do lawyers).

Of course at these times I just keep mum because there’s no point calling someone out as the exaggerating exaggerators they are.

Liam O'Malley May 17, 2010 at 10:52 am

I majored in pre-blogging in undergrad, and I would just like to say that this comment is totally spot on.

anna May 17, 2010 at 12:31 pm

I’m not a lawyer and it annoys me, too. Because if there were a university that had such a major, it’s the kind of university that would not have any graduates that would actually be admitted to law school. Because UM DUH. Because UM DUH. Like UM DUH. Because UM DUH being “pre law” doesn’t qualify you to do or say anything, even if there were such a thing, just like being in a band with Courtney Love (even if you were) doesn’t qualify you to do or sayanything except smoke crystal methamphetamine.

monkey May 17, 2010 at 12:41 pm

To me the only thing “I was pre-law/med” indicates is that you were a greedy dilettante who couldn’t follow through. I say this as a greedy dilettante who actually followed through.

anna May 17, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Well, I mean, *I* could say I *was* pre-law. I *was* pre law all the way through a PhD. I took being prelaw to a new level. But the Courtney Love PreLaw person claims to currently be prelaw, whatever the hell that means. Because, as you say, I’ve never heard of that actually being an actual major, and if it does exist, I’m sure it would be impossible to get into a decent law school from any school that would have it as a major.

But yes. You’re right. It would demonstrate a lack of follow through. It’s worse than saying, “I’m not a surgeon, but my parents are surgeons, so if you’d like, I’ll take a look at your appendix.”

monkey May 17, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Yes, exactly-I was just being snarky…saying you were pre-law so X is basically like saying “I studied horticulture, and now I will comment on the law.” But your first point is correct, basically anything is pre-law/pre-mba/pre-med because the only thing professional schools require is an undergraduate degree (with the exception of Louisiana for a law degree at the time I applied, and it used to be that you could drop out of undergrad and go directly to med school but I think the AMA cut back on that as well), standardized tests and in the case of med school, a couple of courses. Which basically makes you pre-law/law/business by stating an intention to go to law school/medical/business school*.

I have no idea what the deal is for ph.ds, however-as in, do you have to actually major in English to be viable as a candidate for an English Ph.d?

It’s just a petty petty point but I see bloggers being like “Oh, my boyfriend was pre-Psychiatry” or “I majored in Pre-Litigation” and it makes me roll my eyes.

*This is also why I had very successful classmates at law school who when drunk, would admit to things like not actually knowing what a bicameral legislature was or how I got into business school without having the slightest clue of the relationship between demand and supply.

anna May 17, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Monkey, re the PhD in English without majoring in English — it probably depends on the school, but I think you could do it as long as you could convince the committee that you knew enough about the subject to create a dissertation on it (original thought in to subject). Dissertation projects have to be pretty well thought out even when you’re just applying to grad school these days, though, and that would be tough to do without having majored in English. But it is theoretically possible.

Jenni May 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

#s 11 and 15 made me laugh out loud. Great list.

J. May 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm

As far as the ace of spades/lemon question: I’m feeling it as some sort of vague racist commentary, like “spade” and lemons being yellow. And maybe some sort of weird implication of card trick performers, like Ricky Jay, with the throwing of cards at various fruits. OOooo, fruits….maybe there’s a gay bias there too?? Now if Anna were a mixed- race, lesbian, magician, I guess it would maybe make more sense. But as it is, I really have no clue, unless someone is just being deliberately obtuse and vaguely insulting, which would NEVER happen in the blogosphere, right?

anna May 18, 2010 at 7:02 am

I do feel like there’s an insult in there somewhere, but I cannot really read it. Certainly the suggestion that it’s a game that I’m playing. And of course, the idea that I’m a “sourpuss”

Heidi May 17, 2010 at 9:23 pm

As per usual, your list has me rolling. Brava Chica!

I think you should embed hidden links in these list items, make it like a bit of a treasure hunt. Nothing obvious, just a random t here or question mark there that links up to ‘the dirt’.

My list this week (I have a list this week!) is not funny, but it’s useful.

anna May 18, 2010 at 7:03 am

Heidi, you’re linked up. The treasure hunt would work for some of the stuff, but not for all of it, like the emails and other stuff that is ephemeral information. I have to think about it. Hmmm.

Gwen May 20, 2010 at 4:11 am

Errgh, I need to get here sooner. I bet all the PDF’s of #4 are sold out already, aren’t they? Any unicorns I can buy then?

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