12 Suggestions For A Rebranding Of Toddler Age-Based Stereotyping

by anna on May 3, 2010

  1. The “Fuck You” Threes
  2. Var: The “Hey, You’re Fucked!” Threes
  3. The “Whole New Ball Game” Threes
  4. The “OK, Fine, You’re The Boss!” Threes
  5. Three: Wheeeeeee!
  6. The “No!!!!!!!! AM NOT! I NOT Three!” Threes
  7. The “Don’t Say That! Don’t SAY. NOT!” Threes
  8. “A-CAUSE I Don’t WAN You Say That!” Threes
  9. The “We Only Call It ‘The Terrible Twos’ To Fuck With Your Head” Threes
  10. The “Well, Actually, We Also Call It ‘The Terrible Twos’ To Fool You Into Thinking You’re Awesome Parents” Threes
  11. The “Because It’s Really Not Terrible At All Twos” Threes
  12. The “Also: To Catch You By Surprise The Day After He Turns Three” Threes

Check out these list lovers:

  1. 5 Recommendations For Small Bloggers (Less than 10K Pageviews Per Month) Looking To Monetize | ABDPBT Personal Finance
  2. Alexis at The Well-Read Mom
  3. Tim at Safer By Choice
  4. Mary at Barn Maven
  5. Perpetua

{ 16 comments }

Kerry May 3, 2010 at 4:34 am

My daughter was unmanageable at two, but three was better.

My son is 2.5, and he’s just now moving into the unmanageable phase. I expect it will go well past three, because this kid has a truly iron will. I don’t envy his future employers,

anna May 3, 2010 at 5:56 am

Yes, everybody says there’s one year where they hit that stage. Mini has been seriously an angel child, we have been very lucky. He’s still pretty good, and the teachers at school still rave about him. Three is just a big change, it’s a new THING. Mr. Right-Click and I are just always looking at each other like “Who IS this kid?” For example, right now it’s 5:45 am and he is shaking his plastic piggy bank full of change to make money fall out and then dropping coins into plastic cointainers from high distances. We are allowing this to happen because the alternative would be NOISIER.

Jenni May 3, 2010 at 5:09 am

How bout “You think you’ve got this parenting thing nailed so I’m going to totally switch it up” threes.

Yesterday? An entire bottle of expensive salon shampoo down the stairs. And then he was like, “What? I don’t know how that happened.” He was also COVERED in it. But he smelled lovely.

anna May 3, 2010 at 5:57 am

Your stories about Oscar, seriously, never fail to CRACK ME UP. We might have the same child.

Tim G May 3, 2010 at 5:12 am

OK, he’s been three for only a couple of weeks, give the kid a break! To be honest, I think the labels were created to give hope that it gets better. Just wait until you get to the teens….

anna May 3, 2010 at 5:58 am

I know! It’s scary. It happened right after he turned three! And like I said, the sun still rises and sets with him, Tim, it’s just, WHAT THE HELL?! He’s really taking this whole I’m-turning-into-an-individual-and-testing-boundaries thing to a new level.

Alexis May 3, 2010 at 5:38 am

Three has already been a wild ride here too! I think we are dealing with an unfortunate coincidence of her turning that corner into real person hood and her terrible realization that the new baby will be a permanent fixture, not just some folly of mum and dad! Oh well, tranquilizers all around I say!

Got my list up this week after much slacking.

anna May 3, 2010 at 6:00 am

That sounds like a perfect storm. No new baby here, but he’s definitely in that “I’m a big boy now!” mode.

Sara May 3, 2010 at 6:04 am

This gave me a good giggle this morning, all three of mine were far worse at three than they ever were at two :)

Rachee May 3, 2010 at 7:41 am

My daughter is 10 but I still remember the week she turned three, gotr better control over her vocabulary and went wild! I told people that I would take two twos and a four if I could shy away from the that three year old age.
Brr! Shivering as I still think about it!
-r

Perpetua May 3, 2010 at 10:00 am

E just turned one and is already starting in on the big boy business (which is mostly awesome because it means feeding himself and napping on his own). All of this talk of the threes is scaring the crap out of me.

Also, I wrote a list.

Carrie (in MN) May 3, 2010 at 11:00 am

Three is just as irrational as two, but less distractable. There’s no “hey look, it’s a butterfly!” to snap the little tyrant out of whatever whim they are bent on pursuing. They’ve been around the block a few times now and their onto you with that whole distraction thing.

Carrie (in MN) May 3, 2010 at 11:01 am

Arg! “they’re onto you” not “their onto you”.

Mary P (Barnmavern) May 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm

You think three is bad? Wait until he turns five and suddenly you’ve got a small dictator in your house. Dont’ speak, move or even LOOK at him without his express permission, or you’ll find yourself in the PreK version of Gulag.

My own stab at listless Monday: http://barnmaven.typepad.com/clean_shavings/2010/05/listless-monday-butchering-the-languages.html

Elizabeth May 13, 2010 at 11:12 am

This is hilarious and so accurate! None of our kids went through “Terrible Twos”, they were total angels until the day of their third birthdays, when they each became “Who the hell are you and can I please have two year old you back?” three.

James May 18, 2010 at 2:28 pm

kids at 2 and 3 are either super cute and fun to hang with or the COMPLETE opposite and all you want to do is give them back to their parents and say your kid is NUTS, good luck.

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