15 Signs You Might Have Started Taking Yourself Too Seriously

by anna on April 5, 2010

malkovich malkovich

  1. When accepting the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for a role you played in a movie produced by Oprah Winfrey, you offer the sage advice that, “sometimes you have to forgo doing what’s popular in order to do what’s right.”
  2. You are a female who acts, but bristle at the term “actress,” instead insisting that everybody always refers to you as an “actor.”
  3. You are James Lipton.
  4. You’ve changed your name to Ocho Cinco.
  5. You have changed your name to be only one name — a first one — because you believe that to be enough.
  6. You regularly refer to yourself in the third person (using a one-word, first name).
  7. You have taken to using the royal “we.”
  8. Often when you are referring to yourself in the third person, you figure out a way to also use the royal “we,” just for added emphasis.
  9. You have started leaving little notes to and kiss prints for yourself on your bathroom mirror.
  10. You have often lamented the fact that technology does not yet allow for the placement of mirrors on the insides of your eyelids.
  11. You earnestly believe that a post on your blogspot-hosted blog was what brought attention to an article that was originally published in the New York Times.
  12. You follow up your assertion of preferring to focus on the positive by making reference the subsection of your wife’s website entitled, “Monetizing The Hate.”
  13. You attend an Important Forum for Very Important People In The Most Important of Important Places, and the first thing you decide to write about, upon your return (and without much sleep, rest, or reflection) is the Meany McMeaniesteins who continue to befowl your every last smidgen of success with their insolent tweeting.
  14. Peons!
  15. After you watched the scene from Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich goes through the portal into his own head (and everybody is John Malkovich, and everyone talks by saying “Malkovich! Malkovich!”), you began daydreaming about how much easier things would be, if only you could go through a portal into your own head, and then everything you ever saw or thought about would look like you and sound like you, and just generally exude the essence of you, and you-ness, and how then, you would never again be assaulted constantly by things and people in the world that are so clearly (and obnoxiously!) not you.

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  3. Gretchen at Second Blooming
  4. Ginger at Ramble Ramble

{ 25 comments }

Kader April 5, 2010 at 5:54 am

#12 is my favorite. Why? Because I’m in it. (That could be added to the list, yes?)

Taking oneself too seriously is just. so. ugly. I work very VERY hard not to do it. Watching other folks do it is a good reminder to me of just how very unattractive it is.

Kudos to you for your continued use of humor. I’ve been needing the laughs lately.

Kerry April 5, 2010 at 6:30 am

I was laughing until I got to the last one, and then I was like, crap. Because if everyone would just be exactly like me, the world would be much better, and its feet would also be way more comfortable and its desserts way more delicious.

Alexis April 5, 2010 at 6:44 am

Alexis doesn’t take herself too seriously, we just understand that her way is the one, and only, right way. (i am an oldest sister of sisters, my bossy-self-centered personality comes as no surprise!)

Monday is feeling much “laughier” now…

Kate April 5, 2010 at 7:49 am

Great list! We love a good Charlie Kaufman reference.

jonniker April 5, 2010 at 7:54 am

That comment about focusing on the positive honestly still makes me chuckle, over and over again. It is second only to his passive-aggressive comments about people being passive-aggressive. I … seriously? It’s so FUNNY.

maggie April 5, 2010 at 8:02 am

#12 rocks :) soooooo true!

Michele April 5, 2010 at 8:14 am

I take myself too seriously sometimes. I think if you can’t admit that, well…you take yourself too seriously.

SoMo April 5, 2010 at 8:43 am

I would take myself too seriously, if I could just stop being so amusing.

cagey April 5, 2010 at 8:52 am

I am the only person who takes me seriously. Sad, yet probably appropriate.

Mimi April 5, 2010 at 9:12 am

This list is awesome. I especially love you for #13. Days later, I am still chuckling over “suck it” as the chosen tell-off. Seriously.

Denora April 5, 2010 at 11:46 am

Denora is displeased with the notion that a single name is not preferable. The only thing worse would be if self reference using a title, such as THE Denora, was also frowned upon. We are glad it is not mentioned.

*Also? Hilarious. I love the list!

-R- April 5, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Ladies, it is obvious that you are just jealous.

anna April 5, 2010 at 1:03 pm

I’m sucking it as hard as I can, what more do you want from me?

kakaty April 5, 2010 at 1:41 pm

#16 when you rant to everyone to “suck it” because you WORK SO HARD 25/7 to “publish or perish” for all the peons and claim that your days are just as frazzled as every other working parent and you never slow down or stop then tweet photos of your husband grilling lunch on your back deck on a work day. In the meantime, your poor kids go hungry because your husband spent $500 on the newest Apple gadget during a recession (and tweets about the angst of waiting for it to arrive – see they have real world problems, too!)

Sorry – but isn’t that exactly WHY all the “haters” were questioning the choice? *head explodes*

anna April 5, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Point of order — $1000, since they both got iPads. Carry on.

(What, did you all think I’d just shrivel up and die? Guess again, bitches!)

Jules April 15, 2010 at 2:03 pm

I’m trying to figure out how you can be hitting the ground running every day in the wee hours of the morning, yet still write post after post of how everyone hangs out in bed for at least an hour at the beginning of every day.

Susan Tiner April 5, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Ginger April 5, 2010 at 5:24 pm

And this? This list is why I love you. I mean, in a totally non-creepy way of course. Just the whole list is awesome.

My list is up.

mom101 April 5, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Okay so, I will take your bait and raise you one “uh, what?”

I had about 12,000 page views on that post about the NYT.

I believe the Sunday Times printed circulation is in the range of 4.2 million.

Not quite sure how that makes me earnestly think that I sent any significant traffic to the New York Times – perhaps you’re confusing me with the people who were calling for boycotts?

That’s okay. I hear we mommy bloggers all look alike.

anna April 5, 2010 at 8:20 pm

Well, I tried to link directly to the comment, but apparently that didn’t work. So I’ve added a screenshot to clarify.

LC April 5, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Great list! I’m just so glad I haven’t been reduced to working the blog-mines to feed my family with all the coal dust, cave-ins and miner’s lung.

Heidi April 5, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Oh Shit! It’s Monday? Already? I may have missed a few things that needed doing…

love this list.

Susan April 6, 2010 at 9:26 am

Susan thinks this post is spot on. Could we please send to every blogger in the whole wide internet.
Actually lets us just say #16 is you have a blog.

WarsawMommy April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

HA! This was great! I loved #13, as I was incredibly disappointed and disgusted at that ‘poor me, you guys suck it ’cause you’re mean to me, you meanies’ post. This is after having been to the White House! The White House! I mean, come on.. really?? Gah.

Having said that, the next post she wrote was about DC and that met with WarsawMommy’s favour. We WarsawMommy approve of La Dooce’s decision to return to what makes her website worthwhile: funny, earthy, good writing.

Oh, BTW: from now on refer to Us as ‘Warommy’. Easier to remember, don’t you think?

That will be all. Take yourself from my sight!

anne nahm April 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm

I lolled until my two-sizes-too-small grinch heart exploded right out of it’s wire cage. And now I am filled with love for you. And heart guts.

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