16 Things To Pack When You Quit The Internet

by anna on March 15, 2010

  1. Your favorite pair of Bad Idea jeans.
  2. A coordinating set of self-important separates.
  3. A travel-size container full of self-righteous indignation.
  4. Your warmest winter’s frost metaphor.
  5. One glass house.
  6. A bag full of stones.
  7. No sense of humor (do not attempt to borrow).
  8. A ream of cease-and-desist letters.
  9. An conspicuous lack of humility. (Pack this in a plastic bag, since they tend to explode when exposed to high pressure.)
  10. A stockpile of Yummie Tummies, in case you can’t get any SWAG View definition in a new window for a while.
  11. A sniffly farewell post on your blog (comments open).
  12. A dozen unauthorized hotlinks to sundry supporters of your cause.
  13. Another draft of sniffly farewell post with hotlinks removed.
  14. A case full of empty, vacant threats.
  15. Resolution to actually quit the internet.
  16. Like, for reals, this time.

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt View definition in a new window dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

  1. 3 Reasons Your Blog Needs A Logo | ABDPBT Personal Finance
  2. Tim at Safer By Choice
  3. Ginger at Ramble Ramble

{ 41 comments }

Tim G March 15, 2010 at 4:44 am

Farewell posts with open comments feels like Brett Favre retiring. Waiting to hear how many people call you back in. Just one more post, please….
List up.

anna March 15, 2010 at 7:11 am

Tim, you’re right, it’s totally a Favre move. If Favre had a blog, he’d do it.

Alexis March 15, 2010 at 6:19 am

This phenomenon is called “flouncing” in my internet rubbernecking vernacular. The best part of the flounce: the “re-flounce,” you know, just in case no one heard you the first time…one does need to be sure that everyone knows that you are quitting the internet “at them.”

Love #5 and #6, most people would be surprised to learn that their houses are 98% glass…

anna March 15, 2010 at 7:13 am

Alexis, yes, on the message boards I used to haunt, we always called it flouncing. I considered using “flounce” but I wasn’t sure it was in popular use in the blogosphere.

Kerry March 15, 2010 at 6:32 am

*snicker snicker*

Deborah March 15, 2010 at 6:44 am

Flouncing. It’s whats for dinner.

I’ve never understood it! Go if you want to go!

I am not a fan of the “I-haven’t-posted-for-so-long” posts. Grr and arg. Get over your damn self.

Oh dear! I am cranky! hehehe

anna March 15, 2010 at 7:15 am

Deborah, with flouncing, I always thought it was so funny on the message boards, because we knew the person would be back, if not right away, then someday, even if it was under a different name. We’d call them “morphs” when they came back with a new name.

patois March 15, 2010 at 6:44 am

All of that will fit in that lovely matching set of luggage, green to match the envy packed inside.

anna March 15, 2010 at 7:16 am

Yes, a full set of luggage in Envy.

Julie March 15, 2010 at 7:06 am

I call it huffing, as in leave-in-a.

anna March 15, 2010 at 7:15 am

LOL. That’s a good way to refer to it, too.

Megan {Velveteen Mind} March 15, 2010 at 7:20 am

For good measure, I try to not be an enabler when they change their mind “because, wow, I had no idea how much my blog means to you.”

Farewell posts are, well, I have no words. I’ve hated them since the first month I began blogging. When I did unexpectedly take a break for a number of months, I was just gone. No explanation, just poof. Yep, same damn post about a plastic charm necklace from the 80s up today. Just like four months ago. Deal.

“No sense of humor” is my favorite.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:14 pm

I think the best thing to do, is think, “Would I do this in real life? Would I announce to all of the people that I’m leaving the world and not coming back?” Umm, because no. That is not an option. And that’s why they keep coming back.

Nyt March 15, 2010 at 7:21 am

So totally in love with this post! The number of flouncing morphs
seems to be increasing exponentially. Relative, of course, to the
number of synchophants in the comments and ads on the site.
You’re quickly becoming my hero…

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Wait, the NYT is posting on my site?! I have arrived! I’m the NYT’s hero!

E. March 15, 2010 at 8:01 am

Love this list! The flounce is the ultimate sign that someone is starving for attention.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm

And yet, we always give it to them. I’m not sure why that is.

Michele March 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

Well I’m guilty of a farewell post, but it was a no comment, I’m closed for SERIOUS post.

I love #7

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm

If you’re shutting down your blog permanently, and you actually do it, then you get a pass, I think.

Nic March 15, 2010 at 9:57 am

My favorite is when someone quits the internet and retweets their quitting post.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Well, they have to make sure everyone can see it, so that they can come and beg them to come back!

Elizabeth March 15, 2010 at 10:10 am

Am I missing something? Who’s quitting the Internet?

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Probably nobody. But threats were made by Karen Sugarpants and Sweetney recently. Possibly others.

eliz March 15, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Poop on Peeps did recently. There were two flouncey posts, I hear — one that allowed comments and then that came down and the comment-free farewell letter went up.

WT March 15, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Hers was more of a self-delusional diatribe, rather than her normal self-righteous rants.

Ginger March 15, 2010 at 10:34 am

I love #5, #6, & #7.

On one of the message boards I’m on, it’s called hair-flipping. Same idea. And it never sticks.

My list is up.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:23 pm

You’re linked up!

monkey March 15, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Yeah, who’s quitting?

I put my blog on password protect because of some ongoing background checks. I’m no longer sure whether I’ll reopen it. Depends on whether I can limit myself to only talking about travel and such. Also, I decided against a Fare-the-well sweet internet goodbye post.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:23 pm

That’s a little different, since you’re switching jobs. I was talking about in response to some kind of problem or drama on the internet.

monkey March 15, 2010 at 3:46 pm

I enjoyed publically linking to you, though.

anna March 15, 2010 at 3:55 pm

You just like picturing your readers with pursed lips.

Jenni March 15, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Oh, and they can’t forget to mention how “I used to chisel my blog out on stone tablets or in hieroglyphics on cave walls” or whatever. Who cares how long you’ve been blogging, asshole? Only you.

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:24 pm

lol! yeah the threat carries more weight when you understand how long they’ve been at their craft, right? They are giving up so much more than you know.

monkey March 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

THEE, sorry, typo.

Juliet Grossman March 15, 2010 at 1:18 pm

I know it’s called flouncing but I like to call it the Swan Song. “Farewell, cruel world…”

anna March 15, 2010 at 2:25 pm

It is pretty much like that. Again and again and again. It’s funny how there are some people who are flouncers and others who aren’t. And then a third category, who doesn’t flounce but will morph periodically.

jonniker March 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm

You know who quit the Internet, and did it right? Rockstar Mommy. Anyone remember her? I really liked her — and her comments section, which was like a chat room, and that girl could take criticism with an awesome sense of humor — and one day, there was a post, no comments open, just a post, saying that she was off to live her life and focus on her family. She thanked everyone for everything and literally, no one’s heard from her since — no Flickr account, no nothing. I hope she’s happy. I imagine she probably is.

anna March 15, 2010 at 3:54 pm

That was before my time, but I do remember hearing about that. See that’s the trouble with the flounce. If you’re really leaving, then it’s nice to say goodbye. But once you’ve flounced once, nobody is going to believe it’s for reals ever again.

Adrienne March 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm

People are quitting? I miss so much. Is it about the NYT article?

Gwen March 16, 2010 at 5:27 am

Next time I’m rilly rilly bored, I’m going to take my taint face and flounce home to my mom.

Off to buy my set of matching green luggage.

Poppy Buxom March 16, 2010 at 7:59 am

You people have mocked me for the last time. That’s it! I’m off the internet! For good!

(What do you mean, you’ve never heard of me?)

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