Is There No End To The Glamour?

by anna on February 17, 2010

glamour glamour glamour

There’s a conference this week, so I had to get Sean James, Hairstylist To The Stars to fix my hair.

You see, I think it’s essential that I look flawless whilst self-consciously Being Nice to 300 other women in close quarters, particularly when the majority of those women rank somewhere between “Has Never Heard Of” to “Despises” on the Acceptance of Anna Scale.

Besides, the maintenance of my impeccably glamorous image demands an astute attention to detail. This is why it’s been six months or so since I last went to see Sean, and my hair has become a total disaster. You can see what a disaster it is in this picture that Mr. Right-Click took of me a couple weeks ago. I was trying to teach Mini how to ice skate, which was also a disaster for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I don’t even know how to ice skate. I’m from California. We don’t ice skate.

ice skating with Mini

Anyway, see how dingy my hair had gotten? Well, luckily, Sean had a slot available, and I started filming once my hair had reached a more acceptable level of “natural” blondeness.

There’s not a ton of stuff afoot in the gossip department this week with Sean, except to say that he just got back from New York Fashion Week, but does not know who won Project Runway, he’s got a magazine cover shoot coming up, and there’s some top secret project that he’s working on with his business partner, Frank. Speaking of Frank, he’s now cutting all of the Kardashian’s hair now. (Yes, all of them. Even the Mom.) I debated about going for a low-hanging Kardashian hair joke — because isn’t there a joke there, somewhere? Isn’t there always a viable Kardashian joke to be had, in all that life manages to throw one’s way? — but Frank is so professional that I felt I had to bite my tongue. I did ask if they bring the cameras into the hair studio, and Sean said no. (See that? Only I get to film inside the hair salon. Chew on that, Khloe Kardashian!)

After I got my hair cut I went over to Fred Segal and had a look around. I saw a white wife-beater type tank top that had “What would Karl Do?” scrawled across the front of it. It cost sixty dollars. I thought about telling the Fred Segal employee that Karl would probably laugh about it, because what a great example of commodity fetishism twice removed, eh? The commodity of the name placed on top of a commodity, and then made into an even more fetishized commodity by virtue of the fact that it’s marketed at Fred Segal? Eh? But then I thought she might really think that I didn’t know which Karl they were talking about, and also, I didn’t want to talk to her, so I left.

And now I’m finishing my packing for H-Town and the totally drama-free conference with the Campfire girls of Sparkliest Sunshine that will be occurring there this week! Wish me luck, kids . . . I think I’m going to need it.

{ 13 comments }

Michele February 17, 2010 at 5:31 am

Hey, you’re going to be in my neck-of-the-woods. Welcome. Keep your head down and you won’t run into any of the Bush family.

anna February 17, 2010 at 7:25 am

Ah yes! I forgot about the possibility of a Bush sighting. Awesome.

Kerry February 17, 2010 at 6:08 am

Good luck. Even though I’m kind of irritated with you for looking that good in your “before” picture.

I do think it would be awesome if you did that thing The Bloggess suggested, where you just randomly walk up to assholes and hug them. Silently. Then walk away. It could be just like that thing they do in the mob, where they kiss you and it means you’re about to be pulled out of a landfill in New Jersey by Briscoe and Curtis.

anna February 17, 2010 at 7:26 am

Actually, the greeting-assholes-with-kindness is definitely effective, in my experience. I’m not much of a hugger. But if I get into a tight spot, then I might use it.

I’m not sure if they actually do the kiss thing. I do know if they tell you that Silvio is going to drive you somewhere, you’re in trouble, though.

Kerry February 17, 2010 at 6:14 am

Oh. Wait. In case it’s unclear, I’m not suggesting anyone (asshole or otherwise) belongs in a landfill. I just like the part where they walk up and kiss them first. I’m not sure if they even do that in real life. Could TV have lied to me?

anna February 17, 2010 at 7:27 am

Kerry, you’re being MEAN. You are so MEAN.

eliz February 17, 2010 at 7:22 am

My hair gets too stripey for me to go six months without new color. I wish I could stretch it out that long. And yes, “stripey” is a very technical hair-color term my daughter must have picked up while reading InStyle at the “pedicure store,” as in, “You have very stripey hair, Mommy, and why is darker at the top of your head?”

Your hair, though, looks glorious, like it could sing a chorus if hair had vocal chords.

I second Kerry’s suggestion to hug strangers. Or just silently approach a husband and wife pair from Salt Lake and hug the woman and then junk-punch the guy.

anna February 17, 2010 at 7:28 am

I’m hoping the husband isn’t there. That might be too much to handle.

My hair doesn’t get too stripey, but it gets dark without the sun, which must explain the darkness in the color above. Usually I spend enough time outside to keep it lighter, but I guess I’ve been holing up lately.

Susan Tiner February 17, 2010 at 4:21 pm

You look gorgus, before and after. Knock ‘em dead at the conference!

patois February 17, 2010 at 8:39 pm

Bet you’ll be eating s’mores with all the fellow Campfire girls, singing Kumbaya and sitting on the little sit-upons. (Or whatever the hell they’re called.) Or, perhaps more likely, they will tie you to a tree and leave you as bait for the wolves whilst they eat s’mores and such.

LC February 17, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Good luck at the conference! Remember to speak in all CAPS so that people fully understand how funny you are.

Deb on the Rocks February 17, 2010 at 11:53 pm

If you need protein while in House, the Strip House isn’t far- decent steak, salt-encrusted baked potato, porn on the walls. Don’t know if they deliver. Good luck! Be nice!

CrazyLovesCompany February 19, 2010 at 9:54 am

Love the hair and I also vote for the hugging of the assholes. Works every time.

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