Well, folks, it’s Cyber Monday, and chances are that you are going to be one of the eleventy billion people taking advantage of downtime at work to troll View definition in a new window the pre-holiday sales online today. Personally, I love shopping online, particularly when it allows me to avoid the holiday crowds at the mall, and the Cyber Monday deals available make everything more appealing. But if you’re not a veteran of online shopping like I am, then you should probably keep a few things in mind before you venture out into the world of online shopping on its busiest day of the year.

  1. Be Wary Of Deals Sent Via Email. Sometimes online retailers will send out special deals via email, and they might redirect you to a retailer site and instruct you to enter a code. If you receive a deal via email that you want to use, be wary of using links provided in the email: online phishing schemes will often involve impersonating large retail outlets and ask you to enter in credit card information to a site that looks like it is the larger retailer. To avoid any problems like this, always go directly to the retailer site by entering their address into your browser’s url window. Legitimate offers will ordinarily include a coupon code for you to use during checkout, and doing it this way can safeguard you from scams.
  2. Only Enter Information That Is Required And Reasonable. There is no reason you should ever have to enter your Social Security Number in order to make an online purchase. You might have to enter your billing address or the three digit number on the back of your credit card, though. When giving information to retailers, even retailers that you are certain are legitimate, you should always operate on a need-to-know basis to the extent that it is possible. Look for the little asterisks beside fields that tell you which pieces of personal information are essential to making your purchase. If you feel uncomfortable revealing all of the required fields, then don’t make the purchase — even large, legitimate companies are the victims of security breaches and information theft on occasion, and as usual, you are better safe than sorry.
  3. Consider Getting Temporary Account Numbers From Your Bank Or Credit Card Company For Online Purchases. Many financial institutions feature a service where you can get a temporary account number that is good for just one purchase online. Taking advantage of this is a good way to feel extra safe that you will not be overcharged or have your account emptied by online theives.
  4. Make Sure You Are Buying What You Think You Are Buying. Online shopping is awesome for a variety of reasons, but it does offer some challenges in making sure the item you want is the one you are ordering. Make sure to check things like quantity (e.g. you only want one CF card for your digital camera, not a pack of 10), versions (i.e. did you mean to buy the hardcover copy or the paperback?) and condition (i.e. is that used book that you are buying from Amazon really “like new” in the sense that it’s appropriate to be given as a gift, or is there an inscription inside that will be difficult to explain later?). Online shopping is so quick and easy that it’s doubly important to double-check details whenever possible.
  5. A Deal Is Only A Deal If You Were Planning On Buying It Anyway. This year, it is reported that 87.7% of online retailers will be offering some kind of special Cyber Monday deal. These deals range from free shipping offers to special heavily discounted offers that change every hour, and the time limitations involved all contribute to a feeling that if you don’t buy now, you will miss out. But the rules for Cyber Monday are the same as they are for any other purchase: a deal is only a deal when you are planning to buy something all along and manage to get it for a better price. Stick to your list, and you’ll wake up on Morning After Cyber Tuesday feeling like a winner.

Photo Released By White House

  1. Is this really the best way to get my pressing questions about nationalized health care answered?
  2. What course do we use that weird-shaped knife for, again? I can never remember.
  3. Do we have to stop eating when Obama does? Or is that only in Monaco?
  4. Did I order the fish or the chicken? Oh that’s right, I wasn’t invited.
  5. Is fire-engine red really my best color?
  6. Why don’t I spell my name “Michelle” like everyone else in the entire world?
  7. What about sequins and sheer fabric on saris? Will those go over well with the Indian Prime Minister?
  8. Is getting into the cast of The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. worth posing a threat to the President’s life?
  9. What about making an ass out of yourself in front of the whole world? Is getting onto the cast of The Real Housewives of D.C. worth that? Oh, you’re right — moot point.
  10. Is exposing Presidential security breaches on a world stage really what they mean by “guerilla marketing”?
  11. Also, exactly what am I marketing?
  12. Do gorillas have money?
  13. And can I even confirm that gorillas will be interested in it?
  14. What would Sarah Palin do?
  15. What would Joe The Plumber do?
  16. What would the balloon boy’s dad do?
  17. What could I possibly have to say that would interest any of these people enough for them to not mind me having broken into the White House?
  18. What is Spielberg’s wife’s name again?
  19. How will I handle the fallout from having demonstrated a successful means of getting within a handshake’s distance of the President for any would be evil-doers who might be looking for a way in?
  20. Will Al Qaeda have trouble finding aging, bleached blonde doctors’ wives to sweet-talk their way past Secret Service and gain access to the President?
  21. Is Al Qaeda a fan of The Real Housewives franchise?

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  1. 5 Beginning CSS Questions Answered | ABDPBT Tech
  2. 5 Tips For Cyber Monday Shopping | ABDPBT Personal Finance
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  4. Deborah From Fashion Plate: Hungry For Style
  5. Kerry at Clue Wagon

Ms. Lady Gaga
132 Marketer’s Dream Way
Gay Cult Icon, CA OU812
Planet Whackadoodle

. . . . . . . . . . . . ……………………..Reference: The Shatner Rule

Ms. Gaga:

First, let me be clear that I come in peace. In order to demonstrate this to you in a language I know you can understand, I have adopted your planet’s preferred method of face adornment.

Now, to get down to business: you are no doubt aware that I wrote a post about you a few weeks back discussing your penchant for bizarre, yet effective, marketing techniques. Let me be the first to acknowledge this was not one of my best posts. Don’t get me wrong — the concept was good, but the execution was a little weak. What can I say? It happens. You cruise along and then mid-week your toddler gets the flu or whatever, you cut a few corners, don’t elaborate or edit as much as you should. But I don’t have to tell you how hard it is to juggle career and a family. Or do I?

Anyway, somehow this post caught on with your people. I don’t know why — I never pegged most of them as personal finance blog fans. But whatever. Because over the past ten days or so, my site’s traffic has quadrupled abruptly. Look: I’m not complaining, Lady Gaga, it’s just — well, are you familiar with the Digg Effect? See, what happens is, you’re crusing along with normally increasing traffic, and then you get a giant spike all at once, and your server crashes, and your hosting company starts to wonder if you’re a spammer, and everything is fucked for a few hours or so.

Luckily for both of us, this happened last Saturday, when most of my regular audience was off having a life and not trying to surf the site anyway. Also I have a totally awesome hosting company that actually does customer service and will help you quickly when this kind of thing happens. So it’s all cleared up now, see, except for a little matter of the bill, which by the second clause of The Shatner Rule, I think you should pretty much have to cover for me. But we’ll discuss that later, when I get back from my mid-post costume change.

Anyway, getting back to The Shatner Rule, I don’t know if you remember when William Shatner had to buy a dedicated server for The Bloggess when, as a direct result of his Twitter negligence, The Bloggess View definition in a new window’ server crashed a few months back. So I was thinking that, seeing as how I’m not even asking for a dedicated server, just like a six month hosting period on the Pro Level, let’s say, it’s pretty much the least you could do to sport me the bandwidth to allow for this influx of your crazy fans. And while I’m on the topic of your fans, let me — crap, it’s time for another costume change.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Your fans. Listen, I’m sure you have some normal ones, and I totally think you’re a cool person. Especially for an alien! Just this morning, I heard on the radio that you spent a thousand dollars buying pizza for fans waiting in line to get your autograph! So let me just say something: some of your fans are a little bit rabid, and they seem to have an obsession with things like spelling, or grammar, and errors therein. And I suspect that maybe they are from Planet Whackadoodle as well, because they keep harping on me about my spelling and my supposed hatred of you, and — I’m leveling with you now, Lady Gaga — I cannot figure out what they are complaining about. I’ve looked and I’ve looked, and I still don’t know what they are talking about, it is like Perez Hilton’s entire fanbase has taken over my modest personal finance blog, and it’s getting quite frightening.

I hate to trouble you with this because I know you are busy trying to find new ways of covering up your face for public appearances. But, please, Lady Gaga, I beg of you — call off your goons.In closing, I am Your Humble Servant And At Your Disposal Always &c.,
Lady Anna