16 Things You Might Find Yourself Shocked To Discover Have Happened While You Were In The Shower, Provided You Are The Parent Of A Two-Year-Old Boy

by anna on August 10, 2009

  1. The screen door has been knocked off the runner, and is now resting against the patio furniture like so much trash.
  2. Firefox has been mysteriously relocated to your external hard drive, just below a batch of birthday party photos featuring a cake shaped like Thomas the Train.
  3. There is a sippy cup still mostly full of milk buried inside the laundry hamper.
  4. What was once a roll of toilet paper is now creating a kind of nest environment around the toilet for any birds that might happen upon it.
  5. The baby gate at the top of the stairs has been opened.
  6. HOLY FUCK THE BABY GATE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS HAS BEEN OPENED.
  7. The walls of the stairwell have had their teeth brushed.
  8. Why do I smell popcorn? Who popped popcorn?
  9. Twitter is down. I repeat: TWITTER IS DOWN.
  10. One cat is hiding in the back of the closet clutching a wire coat hanger–not wholly unlike Jamie Lee Curtis in the later scenes of Halloween–except for some reason she’s rocking back and forth, protesting, “I see dead people,” to no one in particular.
  11. There is a black and white headshot of the other cat on the back of the milk carton.
  12. There’s a distorted videotape playing on the VCR; it’s a black and white film that shows a creepy little girl by a water well and a woman brushing her hair in front of an oval wall mirror. Also, a fly keeps walking across the screen.
  13. Wait, I thought we got rid of our VCR?
  14. Bill Clinton has flown to North Korea and gotten Lisa Ling’s sister et al. out of jail.
  15. Paul Abdul has left her hosting gig at American Idol, and people seem to be overly concerned with this, are treating it as if it’s a real news story or something.
  16. Congress has come to some kind of agreement on health care. (OK, you got me, I made up this last one).

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt View definition in a new window dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

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  3. 6 Purchases You Should Never Make On Credit Cards | ABDPBT Personal Finance
  4. Tim at SaferByChoice
  5. Juliet at Thanksgivingfeast
  6. Jana at The Blog Only a Mother Could Love
  7. Alexis at Full of Knit Stitches
  8. Zoe at Zoe Right
  9. Kerry at Clue Wagon
  10. Eliz at Tinks Mom Dot Com
  11. Ginger at Ramble Ramble
  12. Lyn at Human, Being

{ 14 comments }

Juliet Grossman August 10, 2009 at 7:21 am

Hey, I’m sure you heard the Twitter joke about Laura Ling & Euna Lee’s release: Even Kim Jong Il can’t keep Bill Clinton from going home with two women.

I have a list up today. There are two types of people in the world: those who will think this list is fascinating and those who will think it’s like watching paint dry.

Juliet’s list of all the groceries I bought for $25

anna August 10, 2009 at 7:43 am

@Juliet, LOL! That’s a good list idea right there, actually: 10 Lists That Can Be Thought Of As Being Fascinating Or Like Watching Paint Dry, Depending Upon Your Perspective

Jana August 10, 2009 at 9:24 am

No showering until they are at least five!!
You have inspired me to start listing for listless Mondays…

http://ow.ly/jzJs

Alexis August 10, 2009 at 9:43 am

And people wonder why Mommies sometimes take a pass on the whole bathing thing. Most days the hour of repair the house requires is not worth the 5 minutes it takes to scrub myself down! I also agree re: Paula Abdul, “so what?” has pretty much become my response to most of what passes as “news” these days.

I have a list up today!

BTW Put my vote for Juliet’s list firmly in the “fascinating” column.

Zoe Right August 10, 2009 at 11:47 am
Kerry August 10, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Oh, number three, NUMBER THREE!

My list is up, and now I’m going to take a shower. At 2:40pm. Because he’s finally asleep.

anna August 10, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Everybody’s linked up! @Kerry, did he do the “I just took a poo, I’m not going to sleep now,” routine, by any chance? Mini pulled that one yesterday and didn’t nap the whole day.

Kerry August 10, 2009 at 1:26 pm

No, but the other one (the 4 year old) is a huge fan of that argument. I don’t get it, but whatever.

In fairness, he doesn’t want to sleep because he broke his collarbone diving off his high chair last week (because apparently I’m Britney Spears). Now he’s got his arm ace-bandaged to his chest for a couple of weeks, and he’s really pissed off about it. I tried explaining how bones heal, and showing him the x-ray, and pulling up the page on WebMD, but he was not moved by any of it. His goal is to break as many bones as possible before his birthday party this weekend, so as to impress my mother-in-law with my excellent stay-at-home-mom skills.

Oh, and it’s 3:24 and I still haven’t gotten in the shower yet. I am surprised you can’t smell me from LA.

anna August 10, 2009 at 1:40 pm

@Kerry, OMG! Poor baby. We haven’t had any broken bones here yet (knock on wood), but this is probably because I’m only in charge of Mini for half of the workday. Otherwise, all bets are off. Because diving off a high chair? Totally something Mini would do if given half a chance.

Tim Gardner August 10, 2009 at 6:29 pm

I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m afraid you have an engineer-in-training on your hands. He is explaining to you that the screen door is under-designed, that the baby gate is so simple even a child can use it, and he needed the popcorn snack in order to fuel his efforts to move firefox, create a Twitter take-down, and build a vcr from scratch. Because some movies you just can’t find on dvd.

eliz August 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm

We haven’t had any broken bones either. Yet. But the sippies full of solid matter that used to be milk? Oh yeah. I find those mostly in the car, but now that we just installed a new super-luxe car seat/booster combo, there will be no ingesting of food or drink in the car. I think Tim’s right. That child is too smart to be contained.

Even though it’s no longer Monday where I am, my list is up.

Ginger August 10, 2009 at 10:36 pm

Your list frightens me as I see visions of my future! Especially number 6, knowing how my husband was as a child.

And though it is very late, I finally have a list up…

class factotum August 11, 2009 at 8:01 am

Which is why my friend Heidi had her husband reverse the doorknobs on the kids’ rooms so they could be locked from the outside. She doesn’t linger, but at least now she can lock the four kids up and shower while they damage only their bedrooms.

lynn @ human, being August 13, 2009 at 2:41 am

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