14 Differences Between Courtside Seats In Los Angeles and Courtside Seats In Orlando

by anna on June 8, 2009

  1. In Orlando, the only beards seated courtside are on men’s faces. Or on women’s faces.
  2. In Los Angeles, sometimes you cannot tell Jack Nicholson’s dates from his illegitimate children. In Orlando, wait. Yeah, I have no means of comparing this to Orlando. Joke FAIL LULZ.
  3. superlakersfan.jpgIn LA, we have this guy. And soon, Orlando will too. Because he goes everywhere. Seriously. Look for him. It’s like an NBA edition of Where’s Waldo, except instead of looking for the red and white hat, you’re looking for the old guy in leather pants who might have once produced porn, but nobody really knows for sure.
  4. The difference between courtside seats in Orlando and LA is about $2,000 per ticket, regular season. If you’re talking Finals, that will be $57,000/ticket to get a season ticket holder to give up a courtside seat in LA.
  5. In Orlando, you have that freaky ass green thing, I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be. In LA, we have the Laker “Girls.” So, you know. Kind of a draw on that one.
  6. In Orlando, Tiger Woods is seated courtside to root for Orlando. Except for when you play us. Then he roots for LA. Nyah-nyah. OC REPRESENT
  7. In LA, we have an Eastern European shooting guard who cannot make baskets. In Orlando, you have an Eastern European shooting guard who can make baskets.
  8. In Orlando, you have to watch Mickey Mouse and Disney’s overproduced, vaguely fundamental and anti-gay fantasy productions. In LA, you have to watch the Tom Cruises and their insulting, Church-of-Scientology-produced heterosexual follies.
  9. In Orlando, you hear a lot about the slam dunk contest and comparisons between Dwight Howard and an imaginary superhero. In LA, we prefer the MVP trophy and hero-worship in the form of Kobe Doin’ Work: A Spike Lee Joint.
  10. In Orlando, Dwight Howard is Superman. In LA, Shaq is, was, and will always be to original Superman.
  11. Orlando is a swamp. LA is a desert. They are both cultural wastelands.
  12. Orlando: Chris Brown and Bow Wow. LA: Leonardo DiCaprio and Larry David.
  13. In Orlando, you can see Dwight Howard score a bunch of dunks. In LA, you can see Dwight Howard score only one basket the whole game.
  14. In Orlando, Magic is a 20-year old NBA franchise that has never won an NBA Championship. In LA, Magic is a retired basketball player who has personally won 5 NBA titles, 3 MVP trophies, 3 Finals MVP trophies, and now owns half the city.

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{ 5 comments }

Kerry June 8, 2009 at 5:14 am

I have nothing intelligent to add, because apparently it’s still basketball season, and I’m all, like, “Go Twins,” even though they aren’t really so much going.

I did like the anti-Disney part, because I pretty much like anything anti-Disney. Also, I think Shiny Red Jacket Dude is sort of cool.

My list is up.

Christine June 8, 2009 at 6:12 am

Wow, you’ve got some trash talk goin’ on in this post! How about that nail biter last night? I’m guessing the ABDPBT household is pleased.

Juliet June 8, 2009 at 6:46 am

I love your Lakers posts. I wish I still followed basketball. I dated a guy who was a diehard fan and had season tickets but this was way back when they played at the Forum. I’ve only been to the Staples Center for a baby expo — how times change.

I have a list up today here. Nine Ways You Know You’re in Temecula – in honor of my new venture, Daily Temecula.

Juliet´s last blog post..Simple Woman’s Daybook for June 8, 2009

Elizabeth June 8, 2009 at 8:15 am

Great list, Anna! Personally I only follow college hoops, HOWEVER…last night I was stuck in the bar of a comedy club (long story) and thanks to the Lakers/Magic game, I had an excuse to stare straight ahead at the TV and not at the freaks sitting around me. Go sugar-addicted tall guy!!! My list is up.

Elizabeth´s last blog post..On parties; graduation ones in particular

eliz June 8, 2009 at 9:08 pm

I love the guy in the red jacket. I particularly like his kerchief. Seems like every sports team has one (a nutty guy, not kerchief). The NY Rangers have a guy called Crazy Larry. Whenever a certain jock jam is played, Larry shows up on the Jumbotron dancing his trademarked jig. The fans go nuts.

(My list is up. Am I too late? Restaurant-related depression + the end of the school year do not equal high productivity for me.)

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