- In Orlando, the only beards seated courtside are on men’s faces. Or on women’s faces.
- In Los Angeles, sometimes you cannot tell Jack Nicholson’s dates from his illegitimate children. In Orlando, wait. Yeah, I have no means of comparing this to Orlando. Joke FAIL LULZ.
- In LA, we have this guy. And soon, Orlando will too. Because he goes everywhere. Seriously. Look for him. It’s like an NBA edition of Where’s Waldo, except instead of looking for the red and white hat, you’re looking for the old guy in leather pants who might have once produced porn, but nobody really knows for sure.
- The difference between courtside seats in Orlando and LA is about $2,000 per ticket, regular season. If you’re talking Finals, that will be $57,000/ticket to get a season ticket holder to give up a courtside seat in LA.
- In Orlando, you have that freaky ass green thing, I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be. In LA, we have the Laker “Girls.” So, you know. Kind of a draw on that one.
- In Orlando, Tiger Woods is seated courtside to root for Orlando. Except for when you play us. Then he roots for LA. Nyah-nyah. OC REPRESENT
- In LA, we have an Eastern European shooting guard who cannot make baskets. In Orlando, you have an Eastern European shooting guard who can make baskets.
- In Orlando, you have to watch Mickey Mouse and Disney’s overproduced, vaguely fundamental and anti-gay fantasy productions. In LA, you have to watch the Tom Cruises and their insulting, Church-of-Scientology-produced heterosexual follies.
- In Orlando, you hear a lot about the slam dunk contest and comparisons between Dwight Howard and an imaginary superhero. In LA, we prefer the MVP trophy and hero-worship in the form of Kobe Doin’ Work: A Spike Lee Joint.
- In Orlando, Dwight Howard is Superman. In LA, Shaq is, was, and will always be to original Superman.
- Orlando is a swamp. LA is a desert. They are both cultural wastelands.
- Orlando: Chris Brown and Bow Wow. LA: Leonardo DiCaprio and Larry David.
- In Orlando, you can see Dwight Howard score a bunch of dunks. In LA, you can see Dwight Howard score only one basket the whole game.
- In Orlando, Magic is a 20-year old NBA franchise that has never won an NBA Championship. In LA, Magic is a retired basketball player who has personally won 5 NBA titles, 3 MVP trophies, 3 Finals MVP trophies, and now owns half the city.
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