- Decide that only handmade invitations, shaped like trains, that involve paper punches, Xyron machines and countless trips to Paper Source, will do for your little man.
- Scrap the first version of the invitation and start over on “easier version” that only requires cutting paper in square shapes. And paper punches, and Xyron machines, naturally.
- Add every kid at My Gym to the invite list for the party, and then allow people to be lax about R.S.V.P.ing. Buy a ton of party favors just in case extra kids show up.
- Decide that normal, store-bought Thomas the Tank Engine decorations will not be good enough. Set about constructing picnic-table sized versions of Thomas, Percy, and James out of tri-fold presentation boards.
- Decide that a normal, store-bought cake will not be good enough. Set about creating Thomas the Tank Engine-shaped cake. No, not a cake with a picture of Thomas the Tank Engine. A cake *in the shape of* Thomas the Tank Engine.
- Set about carving Thomas’ face out of fondant.
- Realize you need three colors of fondant to correctly execute Thomas’ face.
- Drive to “wholesale district” of Los Angeles (located directly adjacent to Skid Row–yes, the Skid Row, it even shows it on Google maps) to buy cake supplies, including “paste” food coloring, because liquid will make fondant too runny.
- Successfully execute Thomas the Tank Engine face out of fondant! Fight urge to show Mini before birthday party, because a disembodied cake head of his hero will just freak him out, no matter how proud of it you are.
- Realize that the wedding cake you adored–still adore, in fact–that cost $1000, you are now 100% qualified to make for yourself, for less than this Thomas the Tank Engine cake is going to cost when all is said and done.
- Rationalize that this new talent at cake decorating will be used for years to come! even if only once a year, just like the KitchenAid stand mixer you bought at this exact time last year.
- Realize that Mini’s actual birthday is Thursday, and so therefore he needs another, non-party cake, for the at-home celebration.
- Go to store, AGAIN, for unsalted butter.
- Wonder why there is so much damn buttermilk in cake recipes.
- Remember that two years ago you were sucking down a pitocin cocktail with an epidural chaser, and figure this isn’t so bad, after all.
New here? Not sure what one of the references I made is about? It might be time to check the ABDPBT Glossary. To translate, you might want to check out the ABDPBT Glossary page, or just look for links within the text with folders next to them to see what various terms mean.
ONLINE DATING CHRONICLES
Sure, I eventually met my husband, Mr. Right-Click, through online dating. But not before I had dated nearly one hundred of Los Angeles' least suitable bachelors. Laugh along in my Online Dating Chronicles.
Curious about how to make money blogging? Check out my free ebook, How To Fire Your Ad Network & Start Making Money From Your Blog for practical advice on how to start selling your own ads.
Sometimes I like to muckrake. You can read about it here. Oh, and here too. Listen, if I don't do it, that muck will just keep piling up until we have to call a roto-rooter. So really, you should thank me. You're welcome.
You know, you slave away at blog posts day after day, you try to write fiction, you try to provide interesting social commentary, but at the end of the day, they come for the lists. Check out List Mondays to see what all the hullabaloo is about, because I sure as hell cannot explain it.
OTHER ABDPBT BLOGS
Tech for mommy bloggers. Or bloggers who aren't mommies, but hang out with them. Or Dads. Whatever.
ABDPBT Commodity Fetishism
This is where I post stuff that I think is cool. Maybe you will think it's cool, too.
If you'd prefer to peruse the ABDPBT archives by month, you can check them out here: ABDPBT Archives
Los Angeles is where I was born and raised. I always thought I'd leave, but for some reason I never did. Sometimes, I like it here. Other times, I'm not so sure. But good or bad, it has made me who I am.