- Dennis Rodman (robes too short; also, rhinestones?)
- Matt Damon (went to Harvard)
- Barack Obama (orphan; went to Harvard Law)
- Sean Penn (preachy; also: blowhard)
- Lindsay Lohan (doesn’t drink enough; also: cannot read)
- Octomom (girl; also: too many potential legacies)
- That guy who played Pacey on Dawson’s Creek (Did that movie The Skulls; also: kind of a douche)
Paul GiamattiActually, he might be. Provided it happened before he started doing “indy” films.
- Dick Cheney (not trustworthy; also: is a robot)
- William Mark Felt, Sr. (ability to keep secrets dubious; also: dead)
- David Ducovny. Wait. I could see that, maybe.
- Kid Rock (too Detroit)
- Katie Holmes (girl; plus too doughy)
- Tom Cruise (might be gay; also, not Presbyterian)
- Penelope Cruz (girl; also: a foreigner)
- Nicole Kidman (girl; also: is made of wax)
- Kevin Bacon (character actor)
- Jack Sparrow (pirate; also: fictional)
- Martin Eden (tries to hard)
- Tony Blair (British)
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- Ginny Marie at LemonDropPie
- Eliz at TinksMomDotCom
- Emily at I Did It For Me