Sappy Mommyblogging; Or, I’m Doing My Best to Turn My Son Gay, One Day at a Time

by anna on January 6, 2009

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Either Mini is going through a particularly cute period right now, or my hormones are messed up or something, because lately I’ve caught myself staring at him like I’m a starving Survivor cast member and he’s a bowl full of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.

Not really. I’m still trying to come up with the right metaphor, because that’s not it. But seriously. This kid is the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the darling of my heart (next to Mr. Right-Click, naturally), and lately, I have found myself overwhelmed by him and how much I love him.

Am I creeping you out yet?

Mini has one favorite place to watch movies, and that is in my lap. So when we tried to take him to see Despereaux this past weekend, I was a little surprised that he chose to sit in the little kiddie chair they give you at the theater instead. Perhaps he was too occupied with processing the concept of a screen the size of a building to consider my lap as an alternative. But, sure enough, after about ten minutes, he was jumping off into my lap and laying down, resting his left hand on my wrist, just where my watch band is, where he likes to tuck in his fingers, like a handle he has to keep on me so I cannot get away. And, as usual, I could hear his sucking on the sippy cup, and occasionally he’d turn around, point at my nose, and say, “Whaaas this?”

And laugh, because this is a joke: he knows what it is already. And there is nothing sweeter in this world than the sound of my son laughing, especially when he really puts his heart and soul into it, and gives himself over to the laugh, so much so that he has to sigh after he’s done to catch his breath.

Sure, it’s a major pain in the ass to never be able to sleep in unless one parent trades off with the other, and to never really get a vacation, because when we go away we still bring this thing along with us that requires constant attention and love. And diaper changes. And countless walks up and down the airplane aisle. And Bruin Bear is really getting grungy these days, and I’m afraid for what will happen when he’s too far gone to be snuggled anymore. But for now, Mini has his bear and I have him.

We made it about 20 minutes into Despereaux before Mini decided to start running up and down the aisles of the theater, jumping from level to level and examining the light strip on each stair. So we called it a day, and walked out into the light of the midday LA, with Mini’s face covered in snot and chocolate residue from the M&Ms I was feeding him in the dark. I thought then that even if we fail with everything else involved in parenting, at the very least we have this. That we cherish our son and our time with him, and that he knows it and, for now, he knows of nothing greater in his little life than himself. Because when he looks at us, he sees himself shining back in our eyes, beautiful, strong, amazing, and life-affirming, and that this is the foundation he will take with him when he is too big for us to tag along. And the world is full of possibilities for him, friends he will make, goals he will accomplish, places he will visit along the way. My son is everything I ever wanted, before I even knew I wanted it, and I love him so much.

(Vomit.)

{ 15 comments }

Chris January 6, 2009 at 7:54 am

You’re in love with your child. It’s normal. I have three of those little people I could have consumed when they were babies and toddlers. Delicious. We ALL adore our children and know that our heart’s would simply stop if their’s did.

And I know… vomit. Kinda like when people talk about their sex lives. We’re all doin’ it, or have done it, and it’s been goooood for everyone a time or two – but it feels like you’re the only one experiencing the “awesome”.

You’re experiencing the “awesome” that is parenting. Has nothing to do with turning your son gay (but you know that :) .

Chris´s last blog post..No more watering dead plants. Unless they’re really nice to me.

anna January 6, 2009 at 10:29 am

Hah! I know that I’m not turning him gay–I don’t actually believe that people can be turned gay, in fact. I think they are born gay or straight, but that’s besides the point. As I was writing it, I was just thinking this is so sappy I hope I don’t turn into one of those overbearing mothers. But it seems highly unlikely that I’m capable of that, given my emotional retardation.

Kerry January 6, 2009 at 10:32 am

I used to gag at this stuff, but now I totally get it. I really think your capacity to love expands when you have a baby. It’s just on a whole other level that you never knew was possible before.

Kerry´s last blog post..Outsourcing–It’s not just for corporations anymore.

anna January 6, 2009 at 10:39 am

Yes, and not only that, you start crying and/or feeling emotionally manipulated when you see films or tv in which a kid gets victimized. I used to be like,”Yeah, yeah, kid gets kidnapped, move on, MOVE ON, woman.” Now I’m in the fetal position in the corner, weeping.

goodfather January 6, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Nah, no vomiting here. I think it’s beautiful that you are creating a foundation for him that he will carry with him for the rest of his life, even if he turns out gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

goodfather´s last blog post..A pirate’s story

Ginny Marie January 6, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Isn’t it amazing how quickly your little one learns things like humor? And how to manipulate Mommy and Daddy? Oh, maybe that’s just my kids. Your description of Mini is so cute…I could just EAT HIM UP!

Ginny Marie´s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

anna January 6, 2009 at 3:51 pm

hey, get your own Chunky Monkey!

Kerry January 6, 2009 at 4:00 pm

If he turns out gay, no biggie. Just get him a rainbow sticker for his sippy cup. He’ll be stylin’.

I had to stop watching certain shows after I had a baby because I couldn’t handle it. ER, for example–forget it. Also, when Law and Order or Without a Trace have a kid that’s hurt (or a mom that gets murdered in front of the kid, or whatever), I can’t watch it. I check the descriptions on the DVR to make sure shows are devoid of any sad-kid stories before I watch them.

Not that I ever get to watch any TV that isn’t on PBS Kids these days.

Kerry´s last blog post..Outsourcing–It’s not just for corporations anymore.

Kerry January 6, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Hey. This post is making for some great Google ads. Apparently I can take a quiz online and find out whether my husband is gay. That is very convenient. How did people find out their spouse’s sexual orientation before the internet was invented?

Kerry´s last blog post..Outsourcing–It’s not just for corporations anymore.

anna January 6, 2009 at 4:25 pm

That’s awesome. I think that might be one of those situations in which if you have to ask . . . :)

J. January 6, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Awwwww, Anna goes all soft and gooey! If you didn’t have the tenderest of spots for your little guy, I’d worry.

J.´s last blog post..Zinc is for lifeguard noses and countertops,

WOI January 6, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Very sweet! I feel the same way about my son and truly feel sorry for any woman he falls for someday. He totally expects to be the prize in any relationship!

jenni January 7, 2009 at 11:00 am

Being that I’m postpartum and breastfeeding, I’m all about the sappy. I know what you mean, times two.

jenni´s last blog post..On Our Own

anna January 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Hey, she’s back! Thanks for stopping by, Jenni. You will have to change your blog now to Oscarelli and Milesseppi or something.

Risa January 23, 2009 at 2:55 am

Anna, you’re such an overachiever. While you’re at it, why not go for the more confusing “gay” – Peter Pan Syndrome with Metrosexual tendencies. That really confuses the women and you’d be a prize mother.

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