22 Things You Shoulda Done If You Liked It

by anna on December 22, 2008

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This post will undoubtedly infuriate FADKOG, but I cannot get this goddamn Beyoncé song out of my head after all these spinning classes I’ve been taking lately. So, SUX2BU, FADKOG. If you don’t like it, then you shoulda put a lid on it.

  1. Put a ring on it. Or so I hear.
  2. Not put a wig on it.
  3. Put some clothes on it. Sorry. It had to be said.
  4. Gave it fresh water every morning and cleaned out its litter box regularly.
  5. Tivo’d it.
  6. Stop referring to “it” as “it,” whatever “it” is, particularly if it is yourself, as I suspect it is.
  7. Because by saying that “it” needs a ring, you are implying that “it” is human and/or a part of the anatomy.
  8. And while “it” could be, simply, a finger–as in: “If you liked [my finger] then you shoulda put a ring on [my finger]–I’m guessing “it” is not simply a finger, but rather something a little more, uh, in need of a third person non-gendered subjective pronoun to denote . . . it.
  9. Really, the mind reels, Beyonce, don’t you have a ring on your finger right now? Recently placed there? By Jay-Z? Did you write this song for Jay-Z? Did you say to Jay-Z, “If you liked [my finger] then you shoulda put a ring on [my finger]? How did he react to that statement?
  10. Bought it a necklace with a half-heart shaped pendant that said “BE FRI” or “ST ENDS
  11. Sent it a Christmas card, at least.
  12. Bought it dinner.
  13. Called the next day.
  14. Put a note on it that said, “Property of Beyoncé. Do not eat.”
  15. Wrote a song for it.
  16. Brought it flowers.
  17. Took it to a nice restaurant on Valentine’s Day. And maybe gave it some chocolates.
  18. Put it in a plastic cover so that it didn’t get fingerprints all over it.
  19. Had it laminated.
  20. Added it to your Technorati Favorites.
  21. Brushed it at least twice a day, and after meals.
  22. Put it on your Amazon Wish List.

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt View definition in a new window dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

  1. ABDPBT Personal Finance
  2. Alexis at FullofKnitStitches
  3. Ginny Marie at LemonDropPie
  4. Keely at the Un-Mom
  5. Ginger at Ramble Ramble
  6. J. at Fuckedupchick

{ 8 comments }

Alexis December 22, 2008 at 7:00 am

Hooray for Listless Mondays! This one struck me as particularly hilarious.
Finally did my second one, so excited about it.

Alexis´s last blog post..10 Things to Never Mention in Knitting Forums

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) December 22, 2008 at 7:15 am

If I weren’t laughing so hard right now, I assure you, I would be raging! These are all so much better than that annoying song that trying to say which one I love more would be like asking me to pick my favorite child. Impossible! (at least that’s what people say when you ask them to do that, to which I say, “Really?”)

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog post..i saw mommy eating santa claus

Ginny Marie December 22, 2008 at 7:25 am

Read it, loved it, and envied it!

Wrote it and put a button on it!

Ginny Marie´s last blog post..Storms Galore and One Ice Queen

Kerry December 22, 2008 at 8:53 am

#14 is a choking hazard, for real. I will no longer drink pop while reading lists.

Keely December 22, 2008 at 11:19 am
J. December 22, 2008 at 4:34 pm

Why, why can’t I get the button to work? The shiny, candy-like button….Oh well, I did a list post today, but can’t make the mofo’ button work!

J.´s last blog post..Overrated/Underrated

Ginger December 22, 2008 at 4:45 pm

I’m with Kerry, #14 caused my coworkers to look at me funny! I also like 19.

Oh, and after wasting too much time on youtube, my list is up. Finally.

Ginger´s last blog post..8 Christmas songs to remind me why I love this holiday

anna December 22, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Sorry for the slow linkage today, everyone! We were flying high on Jet Blue most of the day and I’m just now catching up.

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