Ahh, the diaper pail. Before you had kids, you had nightmares about it. Or maybe you had heard of the Diaper Genie, and you thought, all that stank is a thing of the past. And when you first brought home your newborn, and his or her poop looked like French mustard, and didn’t really stink, you were like, “What’s all the bitching about?”
But then a few months went by, and slowly your little newborn started getting bigger and demanding other kinds of food. “Solids,” they were called, even though at first they were really just other forms of liquid food. And with each new food came some changes to that French mustard stuff. And then, the day came that your child was eating real food, like grabbing off your plate kind of food, and the poop reached a new height of stankdom. And you knew that no Diaper Genie in the world could keep down that kind of stank, and so you started taking out the diaper pail every time there was a dirty diaper in it.
And this worked for a while. Until your little one got bigger. And ate more and more. And it became a two or three trip a day commitment to keep up with the dirty diapers. And you tried–oh yes, you tried, to always take out the diaper pail when it had a dirty diaper in it. But one round of the flu, and BAM! you were stuck with the diaper stank room at 2:30 am in the morning on a Wednesday, and fuck if you were going out to the trash can AGAIN in just a few hours.
And if you’re lucky, you weren’t sleeping in the diaper stank room. But chances are that the little one was. And though he couldn’t really articulate his objection to the diaper stank, you knew it was there. Because he kept pointing to the corner, from whence the diaper stank was emanating, and saying, “nonononono!”
So, now what?
Well, fortunately, you read Parent Hacks and got your hands on a brilliant idea you would steal from them, which they had stolen from somebody named Kristine, who in turn had stolen it from her friend. That idea? Deploy the technology that has kept drug-sniffing dogs at bay for centuries. OK, maybe just since the eighties. That technology? Coffee!
First, assemble your materials: one lingerie laundry bag and one can of strong smelling coffee. I have chosen this Trader Joe’s Volcano because 1) Trader Joe’s is cheap; and 2) “Volcano” suggests its particular strength might be just the thing to finally kill off poop stank.
Fill said lingerie bag with extra strong coffee beans
Zip up the lingerie bag and fold it into a nice, neat little package.
Place that nicely folded package of coffee in the bottom of said diaper pail.
Voilà. Yes, your baby’s room will smell like Starbucks for a few days, but after that it will go away, and so will the poop stank!