Relationship Status: I’ll Tell You Later . . .

by anna on September 22, 2008

When I was doing online dating, there was always the one creep who would answer, “I’ll tell you later” under the relationship status on match (or wherever). I suspect there were many more people who fit into this category of “I’ll tell you later,” but they were smarter than to answer that question truthfully, or to evade the question in this totally obvious red-flag waving way. Although the degree to which dishonesty is a part of online dating is definitely exaggerated, I do think there are a few on every service who are already married or in a relationship, just as I think you should subtract two inches to most guys’ reported height, and ten pounds to most womens’ reported weight.

That said, I don’t know which side to come down on this new website I heard being advertised on the radio this morning. Ashley Madison is an online dating service that says it caters to those “already in a relationship, but who want more,” and the ad on the radio I heard suggests that it is for people who have one foot out of their current relationship and want to find a new girlfriend/boyfriend before they let go, which is a pussy practice if ever there was one. But, if you go to the site, they are much more open about it: “Life is short. Have an affair,” they suggest!

I have to agree in that among ways of making your life seem to last longer and be more tedious, affairs must be right up there in the rankings of causal factors. As a former online dater, I do like the idea that they are trying to ghettoize the cheaters into one area and keep them away from the real singles, since I’ve heard of more than a few situations where a girl was dating a guy from one of the major dating services who turned out to be married. I think there was only one guy in my own personal experience of online dating who had been in a relationship–I only went out with him once, and was clued into his status by the fact that he always wanted us to meet out of town for dates. No big loss there. But some people really do get hurt–the daters, and the families of the cheating spouse, no doubt.

So, yeah, take them out of the regular population, that’s great. And I suppose I have to admire the entrepreneurial spirit of the service–they identified a gap in the market and are trying to fill it.

But having said that–WTF?!

A dating site for people who want to find other people to cheat with? What good could come from this? Well, I’m sure there will be a few “If you like Pina Coladas” moments where the husband and wife pick out each other’s ads from the service and live happily ever after getting caught in the rain. And maybe it will cut down a bit on friends cheating with their friends’ spouses, which causes and extra element of hurt that is harder to get away from.

But seriously, this seems like a magnet for gratuitous litigation and possible death threats. Do they have a package deal with eHarmony–meet the girl you want to bear your children, and then find your secret gay lover on ashley madison? Do they have a special VIP login for politicians? Are we not all going to hell in a handbasket?


Edited to add: Oh hey, look! They have an affiliate program. Awesome! Sign me up.


HeatherPride September 22, 2008 at 10:49 am

Sadly, I can’t say I’m surprised! But disappointed, for sure. I also met my husband online – in fact! I loved internet dating and yeah, I met my share of creeps but that happens whether you date someone you find online or someone you run into at the coffee store, agreed?

Sad commentary on an internet-loving society though, for sure.

weezy September 22, 2008 at 11:10 am

Is this for the upscale cheaters who can’t be bothered with the likes of Craigslist?

the ex September 22, 2008 at 11:13 am

How do you keep reading MY MIND?

I just read about this site today and about a blog of a guy who dates extracurricularly through there. (I do believe).

I haven’t had time to read it because I’m at work but just fucking ew. You know? JUST NO. There are so many things wrong with the kind of women who would sign up to be dated by these cheaters. I’m repulsed.

NGS September 22, 2008 at 11:56 am

This expression “the husband and wife pick out each other’s ads from the service and live happily ever after getting caught in the rain” cracked me up. An eloquent expression if I ever heard one.

And, I guess I agree with you. On one hand, yay for this site separating the cheaters from the regular online dating pool. On the other hand, ewww.

And the flat out “have an affair” ad reminds me of a television ad I saw once that said something like “there’s nothing wrong with being a materialistic society.” I mean, just because something is doesn’t mean we should approve of it.

Mary Anne September 22, 2008 at 12:21 pm

I heard about this on the radio. This is nothing short of a recipe for disaster. At some point, don’t you know we will all be a certain amount of degrees from someone whose marriage is destroyed when they find out about this. THAT will be some interesting neighborhood gossip and while everyone else is confused about what exactly it is, we will be the well informed group, nodding our heads sagely, and saying, “you know, i had a discussion about just this very thing not too long ago…”.

anna September 22, 2008 at 12:44 pm

I have to admit that I just looked on my computer history and saw “Married Dating & Affairs” and was like shit, I better clean out my cache in case Mr. Right-Click sees that. Wait. What?!

I mean it’s the kind of thing that can lead to all sorts of Three’s Company-inspired snafoos. “No really, I was looking at it for the blog! For the blog, honey!”

Amy September 22, 2008 at 5:07 pm

I don’t have a problem with it. I’m not about to have an affair, but it’s nice if you wanted to – to have those options open, right?

(I met the architect online, but as far as I know the only married man I dated I met at a gas station. In Culver City. I know, I know – but he was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.)

I also think that “There are so many things wrong with the kind of women who would sign up to be dated by these cheaters” is a huge double-standard, because if the site is so open, aren’t there men AND women having affairs? Potentially with each other? (I haven’t checked it out – seems a silly thing to do at work.)

Linds September 22, 2008 at 5:36 pm

I guess you can find anything on the Internets!

Mary Anna September 22, 2008 at 7:29 pm

Again, love those Google ads. There’s one for that offers “Easily meet married women looking for a discreet affair.”

I was friends with friends who cheated with each other. Very awkward. Wish they would’ve found someone else online.

And, I’m saddened by the number of friends’ marriages that have crumbled due to adultry. I joke that my hubby is way too afraid of me to ever go there! (His mother agrees.)

PauvrePlume September 22, 2008 at 7:49 pm

I’m sorry, I was going to leave a detailed comment, but I just puked.

Jen September 23, 2008 at 11:15 am

Wrong wrong wrong. Damn.

Kayjayoh September 23, 2008 at 5:22 pm

I think you should add two inches to most guys’ reported height

Don’t you mean subtract two inches?

anna September 23, 2008 at 6:05 pm

Oops, yes. Will correct. Thanks!

MARIE June 4, 2009 at 5:19 am

Wow. That is one skanky picture in the affiliate ad. Clearly you aren’t the kind of person they’re targeting to sign up…but the more I stare at the picture, the more I wonder who it’s supposed to appeal to/represent. Is this a good supplement to a stripper blog? Is it supposed to target the down-market golddigger?

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