Announcing: The Winner of the Inaugural ABDPBT Sucky Sweepstakes is . . .

by anna on August 20, 2008

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. . . well, of course I’m going to make you read a whole post explaining who/what/when/where/why, did you think it would be that easy? Silly readers.

OK, so I wanted to award this person for coming up with the best example of stupidity in this past week:

Orange 08.13.08 at 1:37 pm
Are you nakedly stealing the New York Times’ copyrighted content? The Times has its own applet and doesn’t give the puzzle away to anyone. Not to worry. Will Shortz reads the Rex Parker blog, so he’ll be able to pass your URL along to the Times’ legal department.

But I asked for an example of stupidity from real life or popular culture, not for you to go out and DO something stupid and expect to get a prize for it. If that were the contest, then George W. Bush would win pretty much every week, and I feel like he’s had plenty of freebies in life already, you know.

Oh yeah, and you suck, by the way.

Moving on. So then, speaking of George W., Coasty offered a valiant effort by trying to combine all/many of our President’s idiocies into one retrospective post:

Man “elected” president after failing at everything he’s ever done before (running baseball team, drilling for oil, you know, the usual stuff). First acts in office are to refund government excess/rainy day money and then to cut taxes. Reaction to 9/11 (that rainy day) is to invade country that had nothing to do with it based on lies of WMD and to give massive provision contracts to private firm once headed by VP; then he kisses the cheeks (literally) of the emirs of the country (Saudi Arabia) that bore most of the terrorists and where woman cannot drive or vote or walk around without a chaperon. Approves torture as “ok”. Gas prices rise to 4.50/gallon and oil companies report record profits. Government broke, borrowing money from China. America loses gold medal race to China in Olympics as a symbol of said debt. Nothing could be stupider than this other than being anyone who voted for that fool twice (once shame on him).

Again, it would be hard to top that one, but since this sweepstakes is for the past week only, I cannot in good conscience award this to Coasty. Nice try. George W. is a mixed bag as an entry–almost surefire to be the dumbest move in a week, but almost too obvious, you know? Use at your own risk. Jenny’s entry was another example of the quandry presented by George W.–his waving the US flag backwards on a world stage is an awesome feat of stupidity, but it’s not even surprising anymore.
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I guess I cannot get worked up about it, since it’s like one joke with eight billion punchlines. It’s just fucking sad. As hateful as some of these examples are–like Mrs. Mogul‘s story about the dude who was put on a terror watch list for being critical of Bush–my heart’s not in it anymore. Making fun of him at this point is like kicking retarded puppies. Or something.
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Pauvre Plume posted a fantastic last minute entry with her description of Sprinkles’ Cupcakes‘ lawsuit. I especially liked that she pointed out that Sprinkles doesn’t even use sprinkles on its cupcakes, and that this intellectual property suit is over a candy disc dot that they put on top of their cupcake (that tastes like ass, btw). Bummer she doesn’t know how much I f-ing love Sprinkles Cupcakes! How can I award her the prize? I cannot go against the establishment–however full of itself it may be–that creates the world’s best Red Velvet Cupcake. Sorry to throw you off the scent with that header pic, I just wanted to look at a cupcake. Maybe they’ll sue me for lifting a picture off their website, though, and then you can win that week’s Week in Stupid. Better luck next time, Pauvre Plume, and for your trouble I am sending you a can of Sprinkles Cupcake Mix as reward for Honorable Mention.
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Shonda‘s entry is tough to beat in the stupidity department, but since I have been convicted of a DUI I feel hypocritical awarding it. OTOH, I didn’t have kids in the car with me–cannot believe they were able to fasten car seats whilst being inebriated.
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There were so many great entries, and if I didn’t mention yours it is only reflective of my own incapability of coming up with a one-liner to describe it, and not the quality of the entry itself. So here we go, the winner is . . . AMY!!! For her story about the truly draw-dropping self-absorption of J-Lo–a woman who is so self-obsessed that it is really astounding that she could do anything to shock me anymore–but she did it, oh yes. Amy’s entry:
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Seriously, J-lo?
Quote off air after GMA interview about training for a triathlon
“couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”
Link to story on msnbc

OMFG. Congratulations, Amy! You are now the proud owner of three gift cards of mixed values! Please email me so I can send them to you. Since the email you left is defunct (wtf?), you have two days to do so, and if you don’t then . . .

JEN will be the winner! for her real life example of just how stupid a week can be:

Ok, my friend is hiring a cleaning person for the retirement home she owns. She had over 100 people interested, many of whom refused to fill out an application unless they were guaranteed the job. huh? One man showed up in a suit, a woman showed up w/ a PhD and was appauled the job did not pay more (hello: cleaning person job.) One woman came in, filled out the app and then called later that day to say she had thought about it all morning and will take the job. Um, hadn’t been offered yet but thanks. People are retarded out there! Be afraid!

Chiefly this appeals to me for the comedy angle–what with the markets being so bad that PhDs are filling out forms for cleaning jobs–AND THEN BEING MAD THAT THEY DON’T PAY MORE. Who is the stupid one? I’m so confused!

Thanks for playing, all, and look forward to the next installment of the ABDPBT View definition in a new window Sucky Sweepstakes, which I hope to get off the ground within the next few days!

{ 3 comments }

PauvrePlume August 20, 2008 at 1:38 pm

hahaha… Oh, that is so typically ME: I am a total open-mouth-insert-sized 10-foot person. Figures I would choose a stupid story maligning a company that you f*cking love. Oh well. You still had it in your heart to overlook the cupcakey craziness and acknowledge me — not to mention offer me a fun honorable mention prize! :) THANK YOU!

And that is freakin’ hilariASS about J-Lo thinkin’ she outweighs “the swimmer” in talent and media-worthiness. (though she DOES outweigh him in the obvious way)

Congrats to Jen!

anna August 21, 2008 at 10:33 am

OK, congrats to the winners, your prizes were mailed out today. Amy, yours should be there in a day or two, Pauvre Plume, look for yours in about a week or so.

shonda August 21, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Damn it, I never win. LOL.
I totally want to kiss the person who posted the George Bush thing. I mean, he could win that contest on any week of any month.

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