Date Zero with AllBusiness

by anna on June 17, 2004

June 17, 2004, 7:00pm, La Poubelle Cafe, Hollywood.

I made plans to meet AllBusiness at a restaurant/bar by my house. AllBusiness lives in a part of town opposite mine, so he called me at about 8:30 to tell me he was on his way, and should be on time. I got there on time and he pulled up to the valet right after me. AllBusiness has a very expensive car (one point for golddigging), although in this town this doesn’t mean anything because many people do and yet owe a ton of money (minus one point for golddigging; net goldigging score=zero).

I wore: Citizens of Humanity jeans (tight–score one point for sluttiness), white long-sleeved t-shirt (somewhat tight; score one point for sluttiness), mary janes with heels (minus one point for sluttiness); a grey trench coat kind of thing (minus two points for sluttiness, but took off in restaurant so as to reveal tight shirt–give back one point to sluttiness), Laura Mercier lipstick in “Dry Rose” (a red–score one point for sluttiness); hair down (score one point for sluttiness); pearls (sluttiness neutral) and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfume in “Old Venice” (sluttiness neutral). Overal sluttiness score: +2=Minor Sluttiness.

AllBusiness looks like Jerry Seinfeld, except better looking. I had a very vague idea of what he looked like because his picture was unclear. Fortunately, he recognized me immediately so there was no embarrassing recognition moment. He is about 5’11, a good height for me. He was wearing an excellent preppy dude outfit which consisted of a dress shirt and khakis. Did not notice a watch (damn! What was I thinking?!) Overall, I was pleased with his appearance because: 1) the immediate size up moment (can-I-see-myself-ever-having-sex-with-this-guy?) was positive, and yet 2) he is not good looking enough to set into play my neuroses about him not thinking I’m “good enough.”
It was not clear to me whether we were going to have dinner or drinks or what, but AllBusiness had not had dinner, so we sat down and he ordered escargots and a french seafood crepe, which I advised against given that we did not know much about the quality of the food at this place. He encouraged me to order something–I got the fruit and cheese plate because I had already eaten. The food was marginal at best.

The conversation was excellent. Mostly he asked me questions about ME ME ME so that’s probably why I enjoyed it. The topics ran the gamut, he laughed at my jokes, there were a couple dicey topics but who cares? (The inevitable “have you got many responses?” question, for example, and he wanted to know a lot about my relationship with my family, a topic that is full of minefields but I think I navigated them successfully). There was some good-natured teasing. I said “noh” to telling him what my email address meant (my anonymous email is a weird phrase with a long and stupid story behind it and I didn’t want to talk about it because it’s idiotic. He chose to believe it was something significant.) During the evening I believe I caught him looking at my boobs at least twice, and I think I sensed some of the Baby Gas Look, but perhaps this was wishful thinking.

It is difficult to say who ended the evening first. He was done eating after I was, so it was sort of up to him when it was over, he got the check. He paid, did not hesitate, and I managed to keep myself from doing the check fake-out. He walked me to my car, made a reference to contacting me again (but this could go either way), shook my hand, then leaned in for the cheek kiss (which he didn’t do upon meeting).

Overall, an excellent date. I hope that he calls again, but I realize it could go either way.

Epilogue: AllBusiness never called again. Wah, wah, wah, wawawawawaaaah. Online Dating lesson learned: if you have a really good time and talk about yourself a lot, do not expect another call.

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