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Salad Days (9 Weeks)

Salad Days (9 Weeks)

I may have mentioned before that Mini — both whilst he was gestating and at present — is a big fan of the Chicken McNugget. Now — just stop. You do not have to tell me that Chicken McNuggets are gross: I’m well aware of this fact. Still, while pregnant with him, I ingested an unholy amount of Chicken McNuggets, and indeed there were days where I argued with the drive-thru speaker at the McDonald’s at 26th Street and Santa Monica that they simply had to have Chicken McNuggets available before 10:30 am because if I did not eat them, I was surely going to throw up right then and there.

When this kid is not thirsting for IV fluids, it’s into salad. The Waldorf Salad from California Pizza Kitchen, a delightful local concoction known as the Dianne salad — even just a bag of lettuce with some balsamic vinaigrette thrown on it. Weird. I haven’t been eating enough to sustain any strength, really — not even enough strength to open up a pickle jar or pick Mini up for more than a few seconds — but this stupid kid wants salad. Who am I to argue? If the pattern persists, I won’t have to argue with this one about vegetables and that sounds almost worth the agony I’m currently experiencing.


I’m looking into some kind of nurse service that will come in once a week and give me IV fluids, instead of going to the ER every ten days. Because that’s the pattern: I get a little too dehydrated, and then the Zofran and other assorted nausea remedies stop working and I’m flat on my back for two days consecutively in bed. I just cannot drink enough water to keep myself hydrated. It seems like a stupid thing, like — just drink the damn water, Anna! But it doesn’t really work that way. If I drink too much I will vomit. And each vomit takes an exponential amount of water out of my body, leaving me with a net hydration loss for the whole exchange.

It’s a delicate balance, all this stuff. How to manage the unbearable side effects of Zofran? When precisely to administer the “cure” for those side effects? What to eat, and how to eat, when every last cell in one’s body is saying, “DONOTEATDONOTEATPLEASEDONOTEATANYTHING”? How, indeed, to vomit without peeing all over one’s self and one’s clothing?

The dignity of it all! Pregnancy is so beautiful, and O! that there are those who would say SHUT UP! or scoff at the notion that parenting is such hard, hard, real work, and a true intellectual calling! Why, just think of the philosophy of it all, e.g. does it matter if I brush my teeth at all, given the fact that the brushing of the teeth will lead to another episode of vomiting? If, in fact, a brushing of the teeth happens immediately before a vomiting, does that brushing make a difference to one’s overall oral hygeine? O! the questions this experience has invoked in me. I am alive, people alive, I say!

Yeah: I’m starting to crack up a bit, people. I cannot believe I have at least three more weeks of this. But the baby’s got a head now, (and still has a heartbeat), so I shall soldier on. It will be worth it, I know, at some point — thankfully I know that this time around. How have you guys been?

Comments (17)

  1. Mar 3, 2011

    Um, I’m going to go with yes–if you know with that kind of detail exactly when you’re going to end up in the ER getting fluids, a home nurse is the way to go.
    And also? Shit I hope you feel better soon. Because this sounds like hell.

  2. drhoctor2
    Mar 3, 2011

    ack, Anna , this sounds so hard on you. I’m sorry. I cannot imagine having to ride that circuit.
    Hoping you feel better soon.

  3. Mar 3, 2011

    You’ve got no idea how much sympathy I have for you right now.

  4. Mar 3, 2011

    I’m amazed that you are blogging at all during this misery. Impressive.

    And I’m sure a million people, including your doctor, have suggested this already, but: I suffered moderate dehydration one horrible day (not from the USUAL cause, I swear!), and could NOT force myself to drink water (the very thought made me ill) – but then my friend brought me some Gatorade. It was just way easier on my stomach and I was able to drink more of it. And it seemed to help a lot more than actual water. Which? Confusing.

    Anyway…I hope it gets better sooner than soon.

  5. Mar 4, 2011

    Aside from my orange eating (constantly and ONLY oranges for weeks) I was also obsessed with salads early this pregnancy too. Though any salad would do, my drug of choice was iceberg & shredded carrots with ginger dressing from my favorite sushi place that my husband somehow talked the chef into selling by the quart.

    In those early days it really felt like it would NEVER get better. I hope it does for you quickly Anna. Have you tried water with a slice of some kind of citrus or does that sound totally repulsive?

  6. Mar 4, 2011

    Yeah, get the nurse, hell get a private MD if you need to. When you are in the HG-world, it actually is just about survival so do whatever it takes. So sorry it is so bad. All I have are words of support so I hope those are some help. πŸ™‚

    I did notice that your masthead this month left out the “take your effing cracker and shove it up you ass you moron” line…that was pretty much my mantra to everyone I met. Wonder why I have such a hard time making friends….oh wait, I guess I kind of see now…

  7. Laura
    Mar 4, 2011

    I totally get it, and it totally sucks.

  8. Mar 4, 2011

    My second son gave me two months of salad cravings (and normally I eat salad maybe once or twice a year). He turns out to be the only member of our family who hates vegetables (although it could just be his age).

    I think the nurse thing is a brilliant idea. We used to call that the Death Spiral, where you get to a point of dehydration where you barf MORE, and can’t drink, and then you barf MORE and still can’t drink, and then you’re on the IV bag. It sucked. One of the reasons I caved and drank Diet Coke (the horror!) was because I could keep it down much better than water, and my doctor said that while pop is bad for you, dehydration is far worse. I didn’t drink nearly as much as I do while not pregnant…but I did drink it.

    You ARE making progress.

  9. Mar 4, 2011

    Okay, wait. I just saw the masthead. Can that be made into a tattoo somehow?

  10. Mar 4, 2011

    yes! the teeth brushing. uhg!!! it almost always induced a vomiting fit with my first born. πŸ™ hope you feel better soon.

  11. Mar 4, 2011

    The nurse service sounds like a really, really good idea. It is all so wretched! I’m so sorry you’re not having any relief πŸ™

  12. Mar 4, 2011

    I could not drink water EITHER. Or…actually…a precise set of conditions had to be met before I could drink water, because water on an empty or mostly empty stomach was a disaster. So I had to find the right food that would settle – never anything consistent; it would change every few days – and THEN try and drink some water.

    There was this one sweet spot in the early afternoon where it seemed like I could eat/drink with abandon. Then I would regret that two hours later when the nausea/vomiting would kick right back in.

    Anyway THIS SUCKS for you, and I know time moves SO SO SO SLOWLY when you can’t stop vomiting, but I am going to wish the hours to go by quickly for you. Hang in there.

  13. Mar 4, 2011

    It just seems to drag on forever, that first trimester. Couple more weeks and I hope you’ll be through the worst of it.

    How’ve we been?

    Technically better than you, but deep in throes of codie hell. New relationships are great at first but then a little while into them one realizes that one stopped working the steps a few months ago and everything heads down the crapper. Soldiering on appears to be the motto du jour.

  14. Laura
    Mar 6, 2011

    Oh god, I really hope this lets up for you sooner rather than later. I totally admire your sense of humor, perspective and tough attitude about this period. Best wishes!

  15. I do not understand the salad situation, but I ate McDonald’s almost every day when I was pregnant, too. French fries. Then later BBQ sauce. I think it might have been the salt we were craving? Either way, we both got healthy kids out of the deal, so….

  16. Mar 8, 2011

    So, my baby is demanding salad TOO- preferably Ceasar, but it’ll take any greens with some kind of dressing on top. We’re… we’re not gestating food douches, are we?

    I haven’t thrown up in about 10 days now and it seems like a lifetime ago. Except when I was in it, it felt like time didn’t move AT ALL. The amount of time I spent thinking about puke, thinking I was going to puke any second/minute, recovering from puke, wondering if that was it or if more was coming… it CONSUMED me.

    Hang in there… I made it over that hump, and now I’m up here trying to help pull you over too.

  17. Mar 9, 2011


    “How, indeed, to vomit without peeing all over one’s self and one’s clothing?”

    That was SO the least dignified part of my 2nd pregnancy. I hope that you start to feel better soon.

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