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16 Ways To Ruin Valentine’s Day

16 Ways To Ruin Valentine’s Day

  1. Have it on a Monday.
  2. Watch this video.
  3. Zofran and seltzer cocktails for everybody!
  4. Go out to eat at — well, pretty much any restaurant, but especially ones that are ordinarily good, because the prix fixe crap will both ruin it and make it more expensive.
  5. Wrap it in a Benny Bear.
  6. Give her something (anything) that plugs in. Even if you bought it at the Apple Store.
  7. Involve Justin Bieber in any way.
  8. No really: watch this video and tell me what on earth Lamar is thinking? Is he thinking?
  9. Wonder if there any time that the Kardashians aren’t thinking about a marketing/cash-in opportunity?
  10. Keep your husband abreast, in detail, of all of the developments of Zofran’s lovely side effects, in the manner of a play-by-play basketball broadcaster.
  11. Grandiose declarations about refusing to buy roses in February.
  12. Describe it as a “Hallmark Holiday.”
  13. Even if it is.
  14. Invite Christina Aguliera to sing the national anthem.
  15. Put the Black Eyed Peas in charge of the halftime show.
  16. Announce a silent takeover of your company by Microsoft.

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Comments (15)

  1. Feb 14, 2011

    That video is God awful. Doesn’t Mr. Right Click usually write the Valentine’s Day post?

  2. Feb 14, 2011

    I am now severely traumatized by that video. If their PR people thought that was an AWESOME! idea, then there is really something very wrong with America.

    Enjoy those Zofran and seltzer cocktails sounds delish!

  3. Feb 14, 2011

    I don’t know, I think that video may have made my day. I mean, I got a great laugh over the video itself, I get to feel superior to them (and their marketing folks!), and I get to giggle at their obvious cluelessness.

    I mean, yeah, it makes me gag too, but still–hilarious!

  4. Feb 14, 2011

    I don’t even know who Lamar is and I’m TOTALLY traumatized by that video.

    Who is watching that and thinking, OMG, I sooooo want to smell like these two?

  5. Feb 14, 2011

    OK because you mentioned the video twice I had to watch it. So hilarious. All perfume ads are pretty bad but the naked piggy back riding thing takes the cake.

  6. Feb 14, 2011

    my husband would do well to read this list.

  7. Feb 14, 2011

    You’re right, he does. Unfortunately we have been in a state of upheaval (literally and figuratively) because of my morning sickness and we both forgot. I think he might do a guest post later in the week though.

  8. Feb 14, 2011

    I have a love/hate relationship with Zofran. I’m really not sure how I feel about these “melt in your mouth” ones that I got last week.

  9. Feb 14, 2011

    True, but it’s almost too painful to watch. I mean, I’m just cringing the whole time.

  10. Feb 14, 2011

    Lamar is a power forward for the Lakers and Khloe’s husband (unfortunately). I can only imagine what must have happened when the rest of the team saw that ad.

  11. Feb 14, 2011

    It’s awful. just unbelievably awful.

  12. Feb 14, 2011

    Uh oh. Maybe he’s saving something for tonight?

  13. Feb 14, 2011

    That video, I think I’m still cringing.

    My valentines was … interesting. We did get time alone without the children (plus) but spent it shopping for school supplies for the school starter (minus). He did buy me chocolate (plus) but only because I told him he had to (minus) and he would have bought it anyway (minus) AND it was an easter egg (already? minus).

    Really, it was all good until I spent the entire night throwing up, which wasn’t high on my list of things I wanted to spend last night doing.

  14. Feb 15, 2011


    I’m pretty sure that video has turned me off from sex forever. Also, who will get the rights to that in the divorce?

  15. Feb 15, 2011

    Also? A couple “sharing a scent?”

    What? Like day old meatloaf due to not leaving the house on a November weekend?

    Because any other scents couples “share” are not of the ilk I would like to spray on my body.

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