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I’ll Give You Something To Weep A Single Tear About

I’ll Give You Something To Weep A Single Tear About

  1. Bullying.
  2. The situation in Middle East.
  3. Spilled milk.
  4. Unfortunate accents.
  5. Camille Grammer pretending to read The Art of War.
  6. Anne Hathaway’s unquestioned streak of hosting Saturday Night Live.
  7. Your haircut.
  8. The word “so” followed by a period, used as if it were a complete sentence (or, alternatively, a rhetorically effective one) on repeated circumstances.
  9. The word “so” used immediately after a comma and, before that, a declarative statement, as if to suggest that the word “so” on its own were capable of offering definitive proof something important (e.g. “There are no cupcakes in this house full of feral children, so.”)
  10. Marketers marketing marketing to marketers, except when they are marketing it to mommybloggers.
  11. Somebody crowdsourcing a word cloud of terms describing themselves.
  12. Jeggings.
  13. The fact that the extraordinary problematic issues involved with Penisgate were deflected from attention by a public handwringing about whether or not it is OK to use the term “mommyblogger” or not.

Glossary terms: identity vampire, bullying brigade, closed loop marketing, Penisgate, doocecaps, weep a single tear

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

  1. My 4 Favorite Prints From The Secret Life Of Toys Photo Series | ABDPBT Commodity Fetishism
  2. Susan at My Own Backyard
  3. Ginger at Ramble Ramble

Comments (36)

  1. Nov 22, 2010

    I am weeping a single tear for the spilled milk that my sleepless (not feral – never feral) children spilled. And my house is completely devoid of cupcakes. This is unacceptable and was I a proper mummyblogger, I would be sending my husband to the shops right now to fix this and buy me a take away coffee as well.

    Only, I don’t have a husband and the nearest decent take away coffee place is an hour away.


  2. Nov 22, 2010

    Also, I just had to google Jeggings. I am blaming you for the assault on my eyes. Who can I sue?

  3. Nov 22, 2010

    So. I’m guilty of “so.”. And now you’ve HURT my FEELINGS, Anna. You’ll know that you’ve “hurt” said “feelings” by the fact that I’ve employed rhetorically effective CAPS LOCK to communicate emotion.


  4. Nov 22, 2010

    I actually snorted while reading this.

  5. Nov 22, 2010

    Do identity vampires sparkle?? Or do they just climb in your window while you sleep??
    My link:http://somethymewriter.blogspot.com/2010/11/things-that-are-funny-but-arent-really.html

  6. Nov 22, 2010

    No. 5. Oh dear Lord, No. 5. And all the rest of it, of course.

    Can I just say the begging for baked goods and rhapsodic odes to coffee and its lifegiving properties and the cheeky suggestion, made just about every day at around 3 o’clock, that Starbucks consider delivery service is — and not the term itself — what’s keeping mommybloggers down?

  7. Nov 22, 2010

    This is probably my favorite list thus far, by God.

  8. Nov 22, 2010

    I love that the situation in the Middle East and Camille Grammar are on the same list. Brilliant.

    Here’s my list: http://rambleramble.com/2010/11/22/7-awesome-things-you-do-on-twitter/

  9. Nov 22, 2010

    Identity vampires suck!
    Okay, I just had to. Sorry.

    So it would appear that the philosophical questioning of whether mommy bloggers are, indeed, mommy bloggers, became last week’s mommy blogger twitter drama? This shit just gets better and better. Or crazier and crazier. What will this week bring? I can hardly wait!!

  10. Nov 22, 2010

    Well, you need to get on the the Twitter and deploy the DOOCE CAPS immediately, is what you need to do. Also, stir up your followers to comment on your most recent ten posts. Again.

  11. Nov 22, 2010

    I often begin a sentence with the “so.” I think that’s OK every once in a while. I think the most egregious thing is if you do it so often that it becomes a thing. If it becomes your thing that you are using so, particularly the “so” after the comma (because that is the one that really annoys me, particularly after something that is supposed to make me FEEL, like FEEL with the HURTING of the HEART and thus the NEEDING OF THE DOOCE CAPS), then that is bad.

    I’m going to honor that inside of myself.

  12. Nov 22, 2010

    The gap. Also, BlogHer and Brand About Town for signing off on #gapmagic and thus giving jeggings to many many people who definitely shouldn’t have them.

  13. Nov 22, 2010

    I’ll now ask you, too, to honor that inside of yourself, Kerry.

  14. Nov 22, 2010

    BAhahaha! I never thought about that. Tyra Banks definitely does sparkle, and the other one with whom I’m familiar is prone to wearing tiaras so maybe you’re onto something there.

  15. Nov 22, 2010

    I think you meant, “This is probably my favorite list thus far, so.”

  16. Nov 22, 2010

    Yeah. Talk about embodying all of the things that people associated with the much reviled term. Let’s work on getting our houses in order a bit before we bitch about nomenclature, eh? Eh?

  17. Nov 22, 2010

    Well, weeping over them seems equally productive, no? 🙂

  18. Nov 22, 2010

    Yes, retweeted over 60 times. Because that’s important. There’s never a lack for material.

  19. Nov 22, 2010

    Can I add using “&” in blog posts? Bloggers think it’s cute and informal, when really it’s just ridiculous & makes me feel stabby. & it’s harder than just typing “and”. & so, I really want to take a butter knife and pop the & key out of their keyboard and make them swallow it.

    Whew. I feel better now!

  20. Nov 22, 2010

    I’m sure I’m guilty of using “so” in a variety of mockable ways. I have to say, I’m much more sick of “This.” As a full sentence and as an Internet “offering” of sorts, used particularly to promote the “wise and brave words” of other bloggers (generally women). E.g., “This. RT @MySolidSister bit.ly/9sappy17uplifting.” Unfortunately, it seems to be a favored strategy of a blogger that I do think is very smart, but finally decided to un-follow on Twitter recently because she overuses every Internet and mommyblogger cliché in the book. The same blogger that your lists and tweets seem to skewer week after week. While she may be a necessary target (and fair enough), I wonder if the volume of these critiques might be why some are accusing you of making the leap from “satirist” to “troll.” But I suppose it’s not *your* problem that she tends to sum up what annoys you in this niche. Of course, I’m still only a limited reader of the whole “community” (though devoted to your blog and mmperpetua’s above), so maybe I’m noticing the digs on HBM here more readily because her tweeting/commenting style is so pronounced and I don’t pick up on references to other bloggers I haven’t read/followed on Twitter before. I dunno. I guess my real point is this: just like I’m all set for the SEND CUPCAKES tweets, it’s my hope that this blog, which represents an important critical voice in this niche, doesn’t become too overloaded with parodies of SEND CUPCAKES, to the detriment of the other smart things you do here.

  21. Nov 22, 2010

    Hmm. I should probably add that I wrote this before actually catching up on the “identity vampire” issue, having stopped following/reading HBM recently I didn’t catch that part of this–where this list may be in large part you standing up for yourself in the face of HBM biting your style. I think what I was reacting to was worrying that your tweets and posts were increasingly focusing on one person that I, frankly, find less interesting at this point, so I selfishly wanted you to turn your critical eye elsewhere–but while I meant what I said, I missed a whole dimension of your referentiality here (as is often the case, being out of the loop and not knowing all the conversations going on–thank god for your Glossary).

  22. Nov 22, 2010

    My haircut really is worth weeping about. IT IS.

  23. Nov 22, 2010

    This must be patently untrue Jonna, because frantic weeping is not interfering with your ability to type. If your haircut really _was_ that horrible, you would be so overcome with teh sobs that you could not function.

    Obviously. GAH.

  24. Nov 22, 2010

    Can I just say, publicly, that when I wrote this I did not know that Jonna had gotten a haircut recently, nor that it was a “bad” haircut, nor do I even have confirmation of that fact now, in fact. For the record.

  25. Nov 22, 2010

    Yes, the “This.” annoys me as well. I also dislike the “Love.” As for the people calling me “troll,” they have always done this. Nothing has changed.

  26. Nov 22, 2010

    LOLOLOLOL, Anna. Unless you’re clairvoyant. But I assure you, it is quite terrible.

  27. Nov 22, 2010

    This, so.

    MUHAHAHAAA! Two at once!!

  28. Lauren (carterbiosea)
    Nov 22, 2010

    Slow clap.
    I commented (twice) on the recent HBM post (the post title is in French! I’m so SMRT!), and brought up some of the same things that you referenced, with regards to the demands for baked goods/pharmaceuticals, and that portion of my comment was loudly ignored. Name-checking you did seem to get notice……

  29. Nov 22, 2010

    I am a compulsive over-user of “so.” It has become my albatross and I search every blog post for “so”s before publishing and still they sneak through. I do not know how to break the addiction.

    So. There I am.

  30. Nov 22, 2010

    The post title is in French, after a famous Magritte painting, Ceci N’est Pas Une Pipe. She has done this twice now, both times after I did it in one of my posts about BlogHer, which she will also deny having read but that we all know that she read, called Ceci N’est Pas Une Burned Bridge. I was going to include this further instance of identity vampirism in my glossary entry except I was so embarrassed about the original usage myself, because in retrospect it is so pretentious, that I wish I could reach back in time and take it back, so really I have to thank HBM in that case for ripping me off (twice now! first with Ceci N’est Pas Un Justin Bieber, and now with Ceci N’est Pas Une Mommy Blogger, both written AFTER my BlogHer post), because her usage has pointed out the error of my ways. Lesson learned! Stupid! Do not name posts after Magritte paintings! Dumb! Pretentious. I get it.

  31. Nov 22, 2010

    I have sowed some errant so’s in my day, I admit. I do prickle at the this’s and the love’s too, but my biggest irritation lies with the question marks in the middle of a perfectly functional sentence, i.e.:

    “And this? Is why reading so many mommyblogs is the literary equivalent of chewing tin foil.”

  32. Nov 22, 2010

    I am thinking of taking all of the feral “so”s and the various under-caffeinated extraneous adverbs which seem to propagate like bunnies in my writing and locking them all into a room to duke it out until the last “so” or “-ly” is left standing, bloody and victorious. Then I’m going to give the winner a latte and a (gluten-free!) cupcake.

    (Given that the winning word will not, one assumes, be able to consume said rewards, I plan to then write a haiku about what a tragedy it is.)

  33. Nov 22, 2010

    Re: Rene’s pet peeve. Me too! What a beautiful sentence: “And this? Is why reading so many mommyblogs is the literary equivalent of chewing tin foil.” Delicious and true. I see these tics and cringe. I think the problem is that many mommybloggers only read mommyblogs–so they’re all adopting one another’s writing patterns. For anyone who is guilty of this: Please, please, please–read the New Yorker, the LA Times, a BOOK. Read the writing of someone who writes better than you do. Stop the … So. And the This? All of it. Copy the mannerisms of the best. Not … the not so good.

  34. Nov 22, 2010

    Bullying for sure. The Camille thing I CRACKED up when I saw that. As far as the word so. I have no idea what you language you were speaking. It sounded kinda like teacher, but then I got kicked outta high school lol

  35. Kate
    Nov 23, 2010

    Right up there with “so” for me: replying with just Dude. or Doooooooode.

    Also, and maybe this is just my pet peeve, but when someone comments on another person’s blog something along the lines of “you took the words out of my mouth” or “you wrote what I was thinking”, it drives me crazy, and I just don’t buy it. If everyone were to think the same thing, wouldn’t all blogs be the same, topic by topic, day in and day out. Isn’t the variety of opinions and experiences what adds to this community? Actually, I may have just answered my own question about some bloggers who have lately gotten under my skin. That ended up being snarkier than I intended. But it feels good to get it off my chest!

  36. Nov 24, 2010

    Mine’s “so then” followed by a period.

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