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10 Uses For White After Labor Day

10 Uses For White After Labor Day

white after labor day

  1. Follow Glenn Beck around on tour selling handmade commemorative hoods at an outrageous markup.
  2. Four words: Halloween — Good Humor Man.
  3. Continue to enjoy the largely unconscious privilege of being able to ignore it most of the time.
  4. Every once in a while, bring it out as an excuse for why you cannot dance or jump.
  5. Throw it in as a hackneyed symbol of goodness and hope it in the intricate, barely comprehensible deus ex machina that concludes the TV series Lost
  6. Consider lending it some of it to a friend whose website has a black background, so that maybe people can start actually reading the content there.
  7. Keep it in your glove compartment in case you get pulled over by the LAPD in a wealthy neighborhood late at night.
  8. Invite it to host Saturday Night Live to appease the womenfolk.
  9. Use it as the inspiration for a late sixties Cream song, then put it on an infomercial aired on daytime TV in the late eighties; a generation of kids will grow up realizing that they know the words to the chorus without ever having heard the song in its entirety.
  10. Go into business making flags of surrender for when the space people come (and they will come).

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Comments (8)

  1. Sep 6, 2010

    #7? I spit my margarita onto my computer screen.

  2. Sep 7, 2010

    Really #1 and #7? I thought you were smarter than that. Sheesh!!!

  3. Sep 7, 2010

    LOLling at number 3. That’s my plan for autumn!

    And I couldn’t leave a comment on the previous post, but thank you for the shout-out and the congratulations. I am serious that you have to teach me the secret handshake; I keep hearing about that thing everywhere.

    And yay Keely! A nice surprise to see her graphic over there on the sidebar.

  4. Sep 7, 2010

    Smarter than what?

  5. Sep 7, 2010

    Listen, that is practical advice: the LAPD has a well-documented problem with skin color. I mean, have you seen Crash?

  6. Sep 7, 2010

    Yeah, I think we can pretty much make up a secret handshake and just say that’s what it is. Although I do know one secret handshake, so we could just use that one I suppose.

  7. Sep 7, 2010

    To sink to the lowest common denominator.

  8. Sep 7, 2010

    I’m not really seeing how I’m doing that here.

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