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Mini is a funny kid. Perhaps you’ve picked up on this.

The thing that is changing is that he is becoming self-conscious about it now. To the point that I suspect him of writing bits down on the backs of cocktail napkins. Or maybe working things out to try out at the next open mike night at Caroline’s. Now, given, he’s only three — but still, it can’t be long now before he’s talking about whether or not to go blue for the preschool talent show.


The other day, I was trying to wrangle Mini for bathtime. As is his habit on occasion, he was selectively ignoring my requests for him to come into the bathroom. So after some time had passed, I started in with the age-old parental technique of counting wherein the parent counts, slowly, and when the parent gets to a certain number, then the kid knows that Trouble will be happening. The conversation when as follows:

Me: One . . . Two . . . Three . . .


Mr. Right-Click came home from work the other night, and Mini asked him if he’d “care to join us downstairs.” We asked him if an English butler had been teaching him idioms when we weren’t around.


We continue to go through the dances of potty training with Mini. Though he is mostly trained, there is one exception — he has completely rearranged his life so as to not need to use the potty for “number two” except at night time when, as you might suspect, he is wearing a diaper. And more often than not, he will go ahead and use the diaper instead of the potty for number two, despite the fact that he knows his desperate parents will not only bribe him with toys if he uses the potty, but actually go so far as to *drive him to the toy store that very second* if he uses the potty. Still, when we put him to sleep, we are often greeted, ten minutes later, by Mini at our bedside with the Kirk Douglas face, which means that there’s some kind of wonderful package in his diaper that needs immediate attention.

So, the other night, we were all in Mini’s room negotiating the delicate issue of the pre-bedtime poop.

Mr. Right-Click: So, Mini, Mommy and I are going to leave now, and go in the other room.
Mini: OK, GAGA! [Ed. Note: I should add here that “Gaga” is some kind of all-purpose preschool slang of fluid definition that we don’t really understand. “Gaga” can mean something good or bad in quick succession without warning.]
Mr. Right-Click: So basically, your plan is to poop your pants just as soon as we leave –is that right?
Mini: That’s right.
Me: [laughing.]
Mr. Right-Click: Come on, dude, let’s go sit on the potty. Right now.
Mini: No way, GAGA!
Me: [laughing.]
Mr. Right-Click: Your mommy thinks this is hysterical.
Me: I’m sorry, come on buddy, let’s go sit on the potty.
Mini: No way, GAGA!
Me: Come on. Right now.
Mini: No way.
Me: One . . .
Mini: Two . . .
Me: Three . .
Mr. Right-Click: OK, that’s enough.

[Time passes, we return to our room. Mini comes out with the Kirk Douglas face.]

Mr. Right-Click: Did you poop your pants?
Mini: Yes sir, GAGA!
Me: Mini! Why did you do that? Why wouldn’t you just sit on the potty when we asked?
Mini: Because I CAN! GAGA!

And here’s where a visual would really help because the last part was delivered with a Hannibal Lechter lisp, like Mini was looking for some fava beans and a nice Chianti to go with the poop he took in his diaper, just because he could. Gaga.

Comments (9)

  1. Aug 12, 2010

    That’s hilarious!! Mini and The Fairy Princess would be fast friends, she is 6 and is learning to tell jokes! Funny stuff… 🙂

  2. Aug 12, 2010

    First, Mini IS hysterical. Seriously, put that kid on a comedy tour.

    Second, OMG when did he get so big??? That pic is crazy!

  3. Aug 13, 2010

    They get pretty cute about that age.

    Make him change his own diaper a few times. That was the only thing that worked with my oldest. It was okay as long as it wasn’t his hands getting dirty.

  4. Aug 13, 2010

    HA! I love Mini.

    Also, he’s SO BIG! How does that happen?

  5. Aug 13, 2010

    The really smart ones either potty train themselves or potty train their parents. :/

    I was lucky enough to have two kids with sensory issues. Toilet training was a nightmare. You’d think if the sensation of poop in their diapers makes them crazy they’d want to hit the potty, but noooooooo. Of course not.

    He’s adorable, and smart too. Giving you a run for your money is going to be an art form for that one!

  6. Aug 13, 2010

    He is going to be a very, very successful blogger someday. Too funny.

  7. Aug 13, 2010

    Mini is my kind of guy.

  8. Mr. Right-Click
    Aug 13, 2010

    This is how I will always remember this (and I was the one closest to the Grassy Knoll):
    MRC: Mini, why do you poop your diaper?
    Mini: (Looking me dead in the eye and waiting a pause, then another, and then another…): Because I caaaaaaahnaaah…gaaah gaaah (smiles and giggles).

    Now, this was truly a bone chilling moment. “Oh, shit” I thought to myself. I slept with one eye open that night and have since come to the conclusion there is only so much we, as parents, really can ever due.

  9. Aug 13, 2010

    Mini rules. And those are the cutest PJs.

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