19 Things To Ask Yourself Before Posting A Hate Letter To The Best Basketball Player In The World On Your NBA Team’s Website
- How much have I been drinking tonight?
- Was it top shelf alcohol?
- Shouldn’t it have been?
- Wasn’t this probably the best night to break out the Johnny Walker Blue Label?
- Is it possible that I might have seen this coming?
- Not even when LeBron took off the Cavalier’s jersey before he even made it to the locker room after losing to the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals?
- No inkling there, huh?
- Let me ask myself this: do winners ever stay in Cleveland?
- Now wait — political correctness aside — if they have a choice do winners ever choose to stay in Cleveland? I’m just saying.
- Would you stay in Cleveland, dude?
- But back to the letter — Comic Sans . . . still think that was the best choice?
- Will Comic Sans make it more believable later, when I try to blame the whole thing on 4Chan?
- So, let me just clarify my argument: having the greatest current basketball player — possibly the player who will be the greatest player ever to have played — that keeping that guy was not enough motivation for me to win a championship, but now that he’s gone, NOW, I’m totally motivated to win. Yes, yes, that sounds totally reasonable.
- And the way I’m going to do this — is with a geriatric Shaq and that guy who looks like Sideshow Bob?
- Oh, wait — no, Shaq is a free agent now, too. Scratch that. I’ve got Sideshow Bob and the guy who is allegedly banging LeBron’s mom? That’s my plan?
- Still sure about that guarantee?
- And the revamp on the Curse of the Bambino, am I sure about that one?
- Is it too late to put a call in to Paul Pierce? What about Stoudemire? Has he signed yet?
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