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19 Things To Ask Yourself Before Posting A Hate Letter To The Best Basketball Player In The World On Your NBA Team’s Website

19 Things To Ask Yourself Before Posting A Hate Letter To The Best Basketball Player In The World On Your NBA Team’s Website

  1. How much have I been drinking tonight?
  2. Was it top shelf alcohol?
  3. Shouldn’t it have been?
  4. Wasn’t this probably the best night to break out the Johnny Walker Blue Label?
  5. Is it possible that I might have seen this coming?
  6. Really?
  7. Not even when LeBron took off the Cavalier’s jersey before he even made it to the locker room after losing to the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  8. No inkling there, huh?
  9. Let me ask myself this: do winners ever stay in Cleveland?
  10. Now wait — political correctness aside — if they have a choice do winners ever choose to stay in Cleveland? I’m just saying.
  11. Would you stay in Cleveland, dude?
  12. But back to the letter — Comic Sans . . . still think that was the best choice?
  13. Will Comic Sans make it more believable later, when I try to blame the whole thing on 4Chan?
  14. So, let me just clarify my argument: having the greatest current basketball player — possibly the player who will be the greatest player ever to have played — that keeping that guy was not enough motivation for me to win a championship, but now that he’s gone, NOW, I’m totally motivated to win. Yes, yes, that sounds totally reasonable.
  15. And the way I’m going to do this — is with a geriatric Shaq and that guy who looks like Sideshow Bob?
  16. Oh, wait — no, Shaq is a free agent now, too. Scratch that. I’ve got Sideshow Bob and the guy who is allegedly banging LeBron’s mom? That’s my plan?
  17. Still sure about that guarantee?
  18. And the revamp on the Curse of the Bambino, am I sure about that one?
  19. Is it too late to put a call in to Paul Pierce? What about Stoudemire? Has he signed yet?

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Comments (21)

  1. Jul 12, 2010

    So for some reason I ended up reading that letter the other day, and I actually started laughing as I read it. Because that dude made several poor choices, not the least of which was using Comic Sans for a letter that he wanted people to take seriously? But really, everything about it is kind of a comical train wreck in poor leadership, management, and common sense. And I know next to nothing about the whole situation, but man he comes off looking like a jackass. I get being upset about losing LeBron, but honestly this was just…dumb.

    My list is done, early for once!

  2. Jul 12, 2010

    I hope he was drinking.

  3. Jul 12, 2010

    I had no idea who LeBron James was before the other day.

    My list:

  4. Lisa
    Jul 12, 2010

    Comic sans made me laugh so much. Nothing says I’m mad like a comic book font!

    I have a list up!

  5. Tyler
    Jul 12, 2010

    I normally don’t comment on here, but the letter was not addressed to Kobe Bryant.

  6. Jul 12, 2010

    As I said right after reading that: Hell hath no fury like a millionaire scorned!

    #10 – really? Come on now. Have you ever BEEN to Cleveland?

    And #14 – there is no way he’ll go into the history books as the “greatest” anything now. He really did ruin everything he’s built thus far. Someone who can’t win without his buddies (and I still doubt they win in 2011) does not a champion make.

  7. Jul 12, 2010

    Touche, I’m a Laker fan as well, but since the fans have voted him MVP two years running, obviously they forget during the regular season who tends to come through in clutch time.

  8. Jul 12, 2010

    No, dude, it wasn’t a commentary on whether or not Cleveland is good, it’s just a fact. People who “go to the show” do not do it in Cleveland. They go to places like LA, NY, Miami. He even worded it that way by saying taking “his talents to South Beach” rather than “going to play for the Miami Heat.” Don’t get me wrong, I think it was a disaster, and more than anything demonstrated he needs a real PR team working for him.

    Here’s what I think happened: I think he tried to get Bosh and Wade to come to Cleveland and they said no and/or the Cleveland management was not prepared to pay what they would have had to pay. And I think that it was hard for LeBron to leave Cleveland, but that he had to. And that if he had somebody smart working for him, they would have told him to say all that crap and be honest about it, and get rid of the dog and pony show and just level with the fans. But instead, he comes off looking like a total douche.

  9. Jul 12, 2010

    The worst part is that he’s totally blown anybody coming to Cleveland, because if he’s going to treat LeBron like that, what is he going to do to somebody else?

  10. Jul 12, 2010

    Also – people do stay in Cleveland. Iron Chef Michael Symon (who actaully, you know, COOKS in his resaturants rather then just lends his name). Comic author Harvey Pekar (RIP). Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin & Hobbs). Arnie and Sydell Miller (founder/creater of Matrix hair products).

    Not to mention all the artists who were raised here: Jerry Siegel, Viktor Schreckengost, Paul Newman, Toni Morrison, Terrence Howard, Langston Hughes, Wes Craven, Drew Carey, Halle Berry… several of which spend summer here with family. We breed creativity, yo!

  11. Jul 12, 2010

    That’s a decent point but he could have gone to the show had he stuck around. The lengths the franchise has gone to give him what he wanted are well documented. I do think that from a business standpoint Gilbert & Co. got lazy and complacent. Because if you look at the history of Wade, Bosh and James even a 3rd grader would see that the wanted to play together and all took big steps to make the free-agency thing happen at the same time. Riley saw that, took a gamble a couple of years ago to make sure he was in the right position at the right time and scored. Gilbert (or any other owner) could have done the same thing.

    But, but I think LBJ contributed to the Cavs sense of entitlement, big time. Word during his meetings with teams was that he all but promised he would sign another contract and that he wanted to ‘put on a show’ to bring attention to CLE. I don’t think anyone thought he would end up being that kind of attention.

    Sorry for the 2nd comment – I just get riled up when people dump on my city (even though I’ve only lived here 2 years).

  12. Jul 12, 2010

    I think that LeBron contributed, too. I go back and forth with him, actually. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. Other times, I think, here’s a 24 year old kid, who has been treated like a god, even among other gods, since he wasn’t even out of MIDDLE SCHOOL — they were putting his games on ESPN when he was in MIDDLE SCHOOL, this kid. And he’s got no dad, and his mom, it sounds like, maybe was turning tricks or something to keep him fed? I mean, this is a kid with no moral compass, and he still manages to come across as being likable on occasion, even if he’s egocentric.

    So I think, he needs people to help him. He is at the head of a billion dollar industry and he is not equipped to handle all of it, because nobody would be. And part of what he wants is reasonable. He wants a championship, which is simply not possible without another hall of famer if not two of them on your team. Kobe was begging to be traded a few seasons back, if you’ll recall, for the same reason, and people bagged on him, then. But it’s the same thing — what do you expect? That’s what matters to these guys, and they only have a few years to get it. The cities make WAY more off them than they make from the cities. So fans get upset, which I understand, but I still root for the players, because I do think people lose sight of their dilemma.

  13. Jul 12, 2010

    I agree re: LeBron. I do think he is a product of his envrionment. Single mom, lived with his coach, then millionaire by age 18. And he acted the way we asked him to act: like a diva. But he’s only going to get more egocentric. I mean, living here he would play softball with his kids on Sundays at a local park. And go shopping at the malls, and eat at local haunts – all things that (maybe) kept him somewhat grounded. I don’t see that happening in South Beach. I really wish him no ill will, and unlike many people I’m a Cavs fan before I’m a LeBron fan. I’ll still be at games next year.

    One of the funniest things I saw (on twitter, I think) about him taking his mom’s advice on “doing what you think is best for you” was ‘maybe someone who got knocked up at 15 and is living off her son’s income is not the best person to take career advice from’.

  14. Michele
    Jul 12, 2010

    I think his attitude is nothing new in basketball. Take Ron Artest, he’s a diva too–his antics are very well known. My girlfriend was a part of selling his short sale home recently here in Sacramento. How in world can you be paid $33 million dollars and NOT be able to make your house payment? You can’t, you just don’t make it and let the stupid law that says you can walk away from a short sale without an negative against you, AND you don’t owe taxes on it either. In this crazy superficial world of sports and money, there ARE no consequences just like in the sale of Artest’s home. LeBron is no diffrent.

    I have been to Ohio several times, my best friend lives there. But I would NEVER live there. It’s freezing in the winter (starts snowing in oct and stops around apr-may) and muggy hot in the summer, but the people are VERY, VERY kind you definitely have a winner in that dept.

  15. Mr Right-Click
    Jul 12, 2010

    If Cleveland is not the asshole of the country then for sure it’s sucks the asshole of the country through a straw. I’ve been there and it sucks. It makes Pittsburg seem like Paris. But here is the funny thing: it’s takes at least eight guys to field a championship contending team. I think Boston and Orlando will have better records than the In Heat next year. And of course the Lakers will prevail in another Spring of riches and glory. Then the new year will be a lock out and the In Heat may be forced to break up their three legged dog due to the new economy as a result if a new CBA. But no matter what happens one thing is for sure and one thing never changes: FUCK THE CELTICS!

  16. Jul 12, 2010


  17. Jul 12, 2010

    You know, here’s the thing about LeBron: I think he’s the NBA player with the most raw talent. I do. But he’s no Michael Jordan, and he’s not a player I respect.

    I’m a Bostonian. I’m a Red Sox fan, through and through. But I respect the SHIT out of Derek Jeter — the guy’s a ball player. Here’s a guy who will jump into the stands to make a play, risking injury, because that’s what good ball players do. My point is that I can see a good player, even if he plays for another team — I love my teams, but I love the game more.

    LeBron … well, honestly, if he were that amazing, he’d have gone balls out in the Celtics series. He didn’t. He didn’t rally his team, he didn’t take risks, he didn’t do anything that would risk HIS future for the sake of his team. He played it safe.

    Jordan never would have done that.

    I also don’t see him getting any better. He’s sort of hanging around, resting on his laurels. I don’t see him looking at the game from a point of reverence. He’s just sitting there, acting like he’s the best thing to ever happen to it, without taking a look at himself and how he can get better — not just physically, but strategically, from a team leadership standpoint, and as a team player. He’s not doing SHIT.

    It makes me sad, really, to see someone that great do … well, kind of nothing with it. I don’t have high hopes for the Miami Heat next season. Yes, I think it will be pretty at first, but those guys don’t have the personalities of Garnett, Allen and Pierce. They’re younger — they aren’t veterans ready to give up their own egos for the game. And whoa nelly, do I think that will be their achilles heel.

  18. Jul 12, 2010

    The thing nobody is writing about with LeBron, except the Huffington Post, is that there is an alleged affair between his point guard and his mom, that he supposedly found out about during that series, that might explain what happened with LeBron during that series, though. While I agree, there is a mental toughness that LeBron lacks at present, almost all players lack some kind of thing like that in their youth. Mr. Right-Click and I argue about this all the time, though, because he thinks that Kobe had it all along — and I think he had it to a greater degree than LeBron, certainly, but I also think that Kobe’s leadership and team playing took a huge leap after the whole rape allegation stuff, that it forced him to mature.

    None of these players has all of the elements of a perfect player on his own. And I hate to see Michael Jordan always trotted out as the paradigm of sportsmanship in these circumstances — if I’m not mistaken, there’s a school of thought that places the blame for his father’s murder on his unpaid gambling debts, etc. None of these guys is blameless.

  19. Jul 12, 2010

    Oh they wrote about that affair up here. Delonte is a former Celtic and I … I kind of loved it. HIS MOM? HIS MOM.

    I know. Mean, I KNOW.

    As for Jordan, other than his game, I was not a fan. He was a douche with nothing more than good marketing. But as a player, he did leave it all on the court, which I loved. I’ve yet to see that out of LeBron. Perhaps you’re right though, it is nothing more than youth and inexperience.

  20. Jul 15, 2010

    The best thing to come of all this LeBron business is that is has spawned my favorite new self-love euphemism of all recent memory – “Taking my talents to South Beach.”

  21. Jul 16, 2010

    I know, I LOVE THIS. I plan to use it. I might even get it printed on shirts. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe it should be the masthead for August.

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