The Preschool Birthday Party
On Sunday, Mini, Mr. Right-Click and I went to a birthday party for one of the kids in Mini’s class. We were all very excited — both because there would be cake and because this was the first time we had been invited to one of these get-togethers. We are kind of outsiders because it’s our first year at the school and Mini has only been there since October. Most of the kids in Mini’s preschool class have been together for several years now already. Some of them have siblings that know each other, and some of the parents work together and have known each other for years.
So naturally, it was only a few minutes before I outed myself as a mommyblogger. It all happened so fast.
“I work from home,” I found myself saying, “So I usually come get him at around 2:00. Though he is technically full time.”
“Wait a minute, what do you do that allows you to work from home?” A new woman who was wearing a baby asked.
“Oh. Well, I write a blog. But I sell advertising. That’s how I make money.” I said. Apologetically.
“Oh, you do? Like Dooce!” The first woman said.
“Oh, no. I mean, yeah. Not NEARLY as successful as Dooce. But yes. Same idea.” I said.
“Wait, you read blogs?” The Baby Wearer asked the Blog Reader.
“Yes, I read a few. I read Dooce, and Sundry –“
“Oh, I’m friends with Sundry,” I found myself saying. I’m friends with Sundry? What the fuck am I talking about? Does Sundry know that we are friends?
“When do you have time to read all these people?” The Baby Wearer was asking the Blog Reader.
“Oh, well, just in the mornings, I’ll read them on my iPhone. I’ve been doing it for a while now. It started out when I was into knitting, and then –“
“Yes, there are so many knitters who read blogs, what’s that about?” I said. What — am I doing a bit now?
“Well, I think knitters like to post pictures of what they knit.” The Blog Reader/Knitter said.
“That and the Mormons.” I said. “Tons of Mormon bloggers.” I hope none of these people are Mormon.
“Really? Fascinating.” The Baby Wearer said.
“Oh yeah. Most of the people who are actually making money blogging — Mormons.” I said. They’re probably not Mormons anyway.
I don’t know why I turn into a jackass when I get around regular humans. It’s like some kind of idiocy disease comes over me, and I’m talking about people I know from Twitter as if I’m best buddies, taking out pieces of gum in the middle of sentences, and explaining that the reason my son’s birthday party was in Beverly Hills instead of near our house was because it was product placement for my blog, as if that is totally normal thing to do and talk about, and oh yeah . . . MORMONS. This is why I used to drink, and it’s why now that I don’t drink, I spend most of my time either with my family or with imaginary friends on the computer.
It wasn’t until I had finished speaking to these women and given both of them business cards that I realized HOLY FUCK I gave them business cards, and that makes two people in my regular everyday life who could potentially read my blog. Who are at least equipped with the means of reading my blog, should they ever want to, the point being, now I will have to be extra careful about things, no more willy nilly DSMV diagnoses of Mini’s preschool classmates based on Band-Aid Bulletin run-ins.
I’m really not sure if we will ever be invited back. Well, Mini will. But I’m not sure that I will be.