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16 Reasons That June Of 2010 Will Someday Be Declared The Most Annoyingly Lame Month Ever

16 Reasons That June Of 2010 Will Someday Be Declared The Most Annoyingly Lame Month Ever

  1. The World Cup continues its endless tournament, despite my steadfast refusal to watch it.
  2. Burger King has decided to sign off on a promotional campaign with the Eclipse chapter of the Twilight franchise for their kids meals — meaning that the “toy” given out to my 3-year-old was a plastic version of Edward’s black emo metrosexual vampire bracelet, even though Eclipse is not even recommended for kids under the age of 13, even if I were crazy enough to want to take my child to see it.
  3. I hesitated to write item 2 above, knowing the gasps that were likely to escape around the blogosphere when people realize that I’ve taken my toddler to Burger King as recently as this month, let alone ever, and now have admitted it publicly, for shame.
  4. Apple releases another iPhone that is bigger and uglier than the previous versions, but claims that it is thinner and lighter. Against all reason and their own powers of observation, everyone appears to accept this explanation, presumably because it came from Steve Jobs.
  5. The Sandinistas put an Argentinian flag the size of, well, almost as big as Argentina itself, on the outside of their house, presumably for the duration of the World Cup. Which, as far as I can tell, is for fucking ever.
  6. People report that the antenna on the bigger and uglier (yet still somehow smaller and thinner) iPhone stops working sometimes. Unworried, Apple says this is not true.
  7. Gizmodo and like, every other tech blog on the planet argues with them, even going so far as to submit videos documenting the problem with antennas being shorted out because of poor design. So then Apple admits, “Sure, it happens if you hold the phone the wrong way.” So then multitudes of people set about trying to hold the phone the right way.
  8. Meanwhile, as if all this Apple-related nonsense isn’t enough, the World Cup absurdity rages on, as if a confederacy of dunces has decided to pretend like soccer isn’t the most frustratingly annoying and boring game ever to have been invented other than baseball.
  9. Engadget then goes about compiling all of the various times in Apple ads in which people hold the new iPhone the “wrong” way. Meanwhile, Apple continues to sell out of new iPhones, and users find new ways of fixing the “problem” that Apple does not really acknowledge as a problem through placing tape over the antenna or covering it with nail polish.
  10. The United States loses to Ghana in the World Cup, and people actually pretend like they give a shit about this.
  11. You Tube installs a vuvuzela button on their video player, as if to say, “If you do not know what a vuvuzela is, then clearly you have no place in the popular culture gestalt of June of 2010.”
  12. I continue to wait, patiently, for the day that the vuvuzela button gets removed from the You Tube player, considering it a victory of sorts — or a signal that our time in this purgatory of early summer cultural wasteland is nearing an end.
  13. Nobody stands up and says, “Do not buy the new iPhone! Its antenna sucks, and they still haven’t fixed the AT&T problem. And, what’s more, WHAT ABOUT FLASH?”
  14. Not only that, people continue to act like the iPad is something great, rather than something to be ridiculed as just a giant version of the iTouch that is named after feminine hygiene products.
  15. Basketball season is still so far . . . so very very far away from starting. Couldn’t be farther, almost, from starting.
  16. I will need a new laptop soon, and I know damn well that I’ll get another Mac. And knowing this kills me just a little inside.

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Glossary terms: this changes everything

Comments (34)

  1. Jun 28, 2010

    I have actually noticed that there is a high correlation between iPhone-love and sudden-onset soccer fandom. There’s probably a marketing partnership in there just waiting to be made.

    The funny thing is, in real life, I don’t know a single person who is watching soccer or talking about the iPhone. Sometimes I think that the overwhelming majority of my eyerolling is caused by living a chunk of my life on the internet instead of in real life.

  2. Jun 28, 2010

    Okay, so you almost lost me with the ‘soccer is almost as annoying as baseball’ statement. What is wrong with you??

    You are, however, forgiven because I am sooooo tired of hearing about apple and soccer! Steve Jobs, if you are secretly reading this, I still love my Itouch!! 🙂

  3. Jun 28, 2010

    Whenever I ask anyone who claims that they love the World Cup, when it will be over, they never seem to know and quickly change the subject to their I-Phone. Poseurs.

    My list. I wasn’t inspired this week.


  4. Jun 28, 2010

    I dislike World Cup fervor because really, no one actually likes it. They just say they do because of the premise that if it is popular in Europe it must be tres sophisticated. I do find it slightly less annoying than football (gag!) or baseball which makes soccer look like the most exciting game ever played, but still I have not been this un-enthused since the Olympics.

    As for the iPhone…you know how I feel about those Apple freaks…sure you can like the stuff, but it won’t make you a better person no matter how hard you believe it might!

    Got me a list up!

  5. Jun 28, 2010

    Heh. The only way she KEPT me was with that statement.

    What can you expect? I’m married to a Brit and raising little half-breeds. And, even worse, I own NO Apple product. Clearly, I am unAmerican.

  6. Jun 28, 2010

    Ha! Awesome list. I feel the same way about damn World Cup Soccer. Get over with, already!

  7. Jun 28, 2010

    I love me some Apple-hatin’ so *thumbs up* from this corner. Can we say it one more time? Your consumer choices do not define you, people.

  8. Jun 28, 2010

    Sadly, my husband is both watching soccer and talking about getting a new iPhone. And I’ve had to lecture him about the bad antenna and not buying first generation technology twice over the past weekend.

  9. Jun 28, 2010

    I like Apple, so I’m torn. Because I do like their products, but I am really getting sick of all the blowhardry and “this changes everything” crap. Because, no it doesn’t. It’s the same phone with a crappier antenna and an uglier design, asshole.

    And soccer? Please. I played soccer. It sucks. Boring. And you have to either play defense or offense. Sucks. For colonialists and the colonized. No thanks.

    [ducks from flying bangers and mash]

  10. Jun 28, 2010

    Obviously we all spend way too much time on the internet. Probably nobody else in the real world cares about the World Cup or the iPhone.

  11. Jun 28, 2010

    We were in the Apple store on Saturday, and it really was like people were looking at these stupid Phones like they were going to make them better people or something. I really like my iPhone, people. But if you already have an iPhone, this new one is not going to change things much! Jeez.

  12. Jun 28, 2010

    Do you know we have like two more weeks of this crap?

  13. Jun 28, 2010

    Apple is really getting on my last nerve, because I don’t want to go back to PC. I much prefer Apple. But it kills me to buy from blowhards. I wish they would tone this crap down.

  14. Jun 28, 2010

    God, the world cup, I know. It is so Stuff White People Like. I keep thinking the whole tournament must be over and then someone in my facebook feed has “GOOOOAAAL!” as his status again, and I realize that it’s still going on. Really, why does this need to last so long?

  15. Jun 28, 2010

    Re: #6, there’s no problem with the antenna, you just need to learn how to hold the iPhone correctly:

  16. Jun 28, 2010

    This could have been a direct quote from me during the NBA play-offs.

  17. Michele
    Jun 28, 2010

    We are a PC family. I just don’t get all the brouhaha over the iPhone’s or the world cup. I played soccer too, but my favorite was the co-ed team I played on 15 years ago. They had the best fights…..

  18. Lisa
    Jun 28, 2010

    I love my iPhone but I hate Apple for making me love it. I thought about a Droid because Jobs is pissing me off with his Flash hate, and I laughed during WWDC when Jobs talked about the damn “retina display” and the whole ‘your eye can only see 300 pixels so we gave you even MORE’ thing. Then I see the thing and marvel about how great the display looks. Goddamn you Apple!

  19. Jun 28, 2010

    Oh god, soccer. Just…kill me. I have one friend who is actually into it who gets a pass (he saves up his money and goes to the World Cup every 4 years–he just got back last night actually), but yet my entire facebook page is filled with people who pretend they give a crap. Just…stop people. You don’t care. You just want an excuse to drink at 7am. (Sorry, that’s been driving me insane for weeks. )

    And Apple? Yes, I love Macs. And I love my iPhone. But Steve Jobs is not the second coming of Christ…it’s just a freakin’ phone (that still doesn’t have flash and sadly is still stuck with AT&T).

    My list is up.

  20. Jun 28, 2010

    The fundamental difference being that basketball is AWESOME and soccer sucks.

  21. Jun 28, 2010

    Hah, it is TOTALLY stuff white people like. Except, that the people who really like it, like honestly honestly like it, are NOT white.

  22. Jun 28, 2010

    I know. The AUDACITY.

  23. Jun 28, 2010

    I love my iPhone, but you know, if you have one, great. You don’t need to go buy the new one the second it comes out. It isn’t that much different. And it certainly isn’t worth getting a crappy antenna or paying $600 or however much extra in upgrades to get video conferencing. Geez.

  24. Jun 28, 2010

    I feel the same way. I like it more than I thought I would, and that kind of makes me hate it.

  25. Jun 28, 2010

    The arrogance of that guy might end up being the undoing of the company, seriously. It’s like how you need a team full of some smart people who are ideologically opposed to you to run things well — Steve Jobs needs that, he’s got too many people blowing smoke up his ass. The Flash thing is a mistake, and the AT&T thing is a mistake, and nobody is making him face it.

  26. Jun 28, 2010

    This list confused me: how exactly do you feel about soccer again?

    (I live in Europe, where real people are really talking about/watching/obsessing about fubol but no one gives a crap about the new iPhone …. except Americans, natch.)

    And Burger King! My god! the horror!

    Actually, there is almost nothing published, not even those horrible fake Barney cardboard shapes masquerading as books, that I despise as much as the Twilight series, and if anyone ever paid any attention to what I said, that admission *would* send shockwaves of horror through the momosphere.

  27. Jun 28, 2010

    Oh, sure, not only are you a mommyblogger hater, you’re a football hater, too. And, yeah, I mean “football” in the world sense, baby.

  28. Jun 28, 2010

    Meh, I don’t get the Apple hype. I looked at the Macs and was turned off by the price tag for a freaking laptop. I have played around with an iPhone and wasn’t impressed. Love my Droid Eris, which is the cheaper version, because I don’t need to spend a trillion dollars to see what is up on my freakin Twitter/Facebook page. I was more turned off when I saw the iPad in person. What the hell is that thing and why would someone need it. Whatever, marketing is there for a reason, to part foolish people from their money.

    And we eat at McDonald’s because their toys are way better than Burger King. 😛

  29. Jun 28, 2010

    My boys suffered beautifully through a wedding shower Saturday (as did I) and I took them to BK. Stupid vampire wallet in the kids’ meals. Stupid.

  30. Jun 28, 2010

    I was in NYC last week attending a recruiting conference the day the iPhone 4 came out. We were stuck in traffic about a 1/2 mile from Greenwich village because of the motherfrockin’ IPHONE LINE, which stretched out to who knows where. My dad, bless him, was like “Is Madonna in town?” (Madonna being the only popstar he brings up anytime a reference to celebrity is required) and I was like, “No dad, that’s the iPhone line.”

  31. Mr. Right-Click
    Jun 29, 2010

    I watch the world cup on my iPhone. Seriously. It’s great.

  32. Jun 30, 2010

    I went to Burger King (what, whoppers are amaaazzziiinnnggg) a couple weeks ago, and the lady handed an Eclipse crown. To my baby.

    Which makes sense because my 14 month old loves inner species teenage love triangles.

  33. Michele
    Jun 30, 2010

    I know this is after the fact, but MY GOD I love this


  34. Jul 1, 2010

    I fucking love Burger King. In the immortal words of Rob Base:

    I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac.”

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