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8 Subtle Signs Of Progress At Augusta National Golf Club

8 Subtle Signs Of Progress At Augusta National Golf Club

Augusta

  1. The full-length white jumpsuits required for caddies to wear at all times whilst on the course at Augusta are now made from 100% cotton cloth, instead of a cotton-poly blend.
  2. Similarly, in an effort to reflect the lessening conspicuous consumption of the recession, the lettering on signature green members’ jackets are now done in gold plate instead of 24-karat. Jackets given to the winners of the Masters Golf Tournament have lettering done in goldenrod polyester.
  3. The club still won’t let a woman join its membership roster, but they will allow a black man on the course, provided he’s either a caddy, or sponsored by Nike.
  4. Among the ideas tossed about for a rebranding of the Masters Golf Tournament this year were: Plantation Owners Invitational, The Old Southern Gentry Championship, and The (Proverbial) Man Open.
  5. In honor of the club’s rich history as a bastion of high-ranking corporate officials, the famed “Eisenhower Tree” on the 17th hole has been rechristened the Institutional Racism Industrial Complex Botanical Outgrowth.
  6. The second shot at the 11th hole, all of the 12th hole, and the tee shot at the 13th hole at Augusta, once nicknamed “Amen corner,” are now referred to as “That Fucking SUCKS! corner” by Tiger Woods.
  7. Suspected members of the club have taken a more playful approach to press queries, saying things like, “The first rule of Augusta is don’t talk about Augusta,” or “You know why they call it the Masters’, right? I mean, this isGeorgia.”
  8. Though the club won’t allow a woman as a member, women are permitted to serve as caddies in the Masters Golf Tournament each year. They are also cordially invited “to get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich, bitch.”

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Comments (10)

  1. Apr 12, 2010

    Oh Anna, you know I love you and your snarky commentary on the world in general (with which I normally agree). This, however, is a little harsh and insulting. While I’m not defending Augusta National’s policies, I do take issue with mocking the South and its traditions. For the record, I get the joke and the humor, but for this native Southerner, it’s not funny.

  2. Apr 12, 2010

    Good list. Here in ATL we enjoy the arm’s-length view of the Masters. And as a non-native Southerner (sorry Elizabeth) I still get a kick out of the “regional profiling”. After all, we know it’s not (all) true, right?
    My list, well, sort of a list, is up.

  3. Apr 12, 2010

    Absolutely – it’s not all true – and the stuff that is, well, we try to forget it. 🙂 On a related note, I attended an oyster roast at our family farm this weekend and after uploading the pictures this morning, I hesitated to post them. To an outsider, we look like Deliverance. True story.

  4. Apr 12, 2010

    Elizabeth, I actually meant this more to be a condemnation of the club itself, but sorry to offend.

  5. Apr 12, 2010

    What’s that saying about stones and glass houses? My glass house is here:

    http://wp.me/pgxWg-th

    Try not to laugh too hard.

  6. Apr 12, 2010

    I love the Plantation Owners Invitational — too funny (and pretty true too.) My dermatologist is suing some golf course here in So Cal (San Diego area.) I don’t remember the name. The women’s tee times are inferior. If anyone can beat ’em, she can.

    I have a list up today — my Nixon style “Enemies List” – http://thanksgivingfeast.blogspot.com/2010/04/lists-i-am-not-crook-but-i-do-have.html.

  7. Apr 13, 2010

    It’s possible that I am dim, but as a non-southerner reading this, I didn’t see anything that made me feel like it was mocking the south. I saw it as sticking it up the ass of the club’s traditions. (But as a FORMER southerner, I will say that not all traditions are as progressive as they should be.)

  8. Apr 13, 2010

    I just see Racism Industrial Complex Botanical Outgrowth and see its RICBO, which for some inane reason made me think of Asians. Do they let Asians in there? I mean, if they’re not sponsored by Nike.

  9. Apr 14, 2010

    I got into trouble the first April I lived here when I remarked that the caddies’ jumpsuits made them look like auto mechanics. Or like the shop class in “Grease.” I got a snippy retort invoking the all-mighty “tradition.”

    I do think many Southerners hear any slight against their traditions as, “Just because I have an accent you think I’m stupid, right?” What’s that saying – it’s not paranoia if they actually do think you’re dumb?

  10. Apr 14, 2010

    I actually restrained myself from writing more about those jumpsuits and their symbolic problematics, as a matter of fact. Those jumpsuits just kill me!

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