15 Signs You Might Have Started Taking Yourself Too Seriously
- When accepting the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for a role you played in a movie produced by Oprah Winfrey, you offer the sage advice that, “sometimes you have to forgo doing what’s popular in order to do what’s right.”
- You are a female who acts, but bristle at the term “actress,” instead insisting that everybody always refers to you as an “actor.”
- You are James Lipton.
- You’ve changed your name to Ocho Cinco.
- You have changed your name to be only one name — a first one — because you believe that to be enough.
- You regularly refer to yourself in the third person (using a one-word, first name).
- You have taken to using the royal “we.”
- Often when you are referring to yourself in the third person, you figure out a way to also use the royal “we,” just for added emphasis.
- You have started leaving little notes to and kiss prints for yourself on your bathroom mirror.
- You have often lamented the fact that technology does not yet allow for the placement of mirrors on the insides of your eyelids.
- You earnestly believe that a post on your blogspot-hosted blog was what brought attention to an article that was originally published in the New York Times.
- You follow up your assertion of preferring to focus on the positive by making reference the subsection of your wife’s website entitled, “Monetizing The Hate.”
- You attend an Important Forum for Very Important People In The Most Important of Important Places, and the first thing you decide to write about, upon your return (and without much sleep, rest, or reflection) is the Meany McMeaniesteins who continue to befowl your every last smidgen of success with their insolent tweeting.
- After you watched the scene from Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich goes through the portal into his own head (and everybody is John Malkovich, and everyone talks by saying “Malkovich! Malkovich!”), you began daydreaming about how much easier things would be, if only you could go through a portal into your own head, and then everything you ever saw or thought about would look like you and sound like you, and just generally exude the essence of you, and you-ness, and how then, you would never again be assaulted constantly by things and people in the world that are so clearly (and obnoxiously!) not you.
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