14 Things To Do If You Want People To Start Thinking You’re Hiding Something
- Season your answers to seemingly innocuous questions with a liberal dose of emphatic nodding.
- Make an appearance on Oprah in which you punctuate your declaration of undying love by jumping on a couch.
- After said appearance on Oprah, forbid anyone from replaying the recording of the appearance on any other media outlet ever again.
- Start dating Courtney Love.
- Retain Gloria Allred. For anything.
- Instruct Arthur Andersen to shred a bunch of documents in the middle of an audit.
- Order a hightop sneakers, black sweatsuits and Kool-Aid in bulk.
- Agree to appear on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, and then spend the entire season wearing sunglasses and an Ed Hardy hat. Even at night.
- Organize a group of people to stand around your backyard with shovels, while chanting things like, “MOVE ALONG, NOW!” or “NOTHING TO SEE HERE!”
- Crash into a tree right outside of your house and then refuse to talk about it to anybody for weeks.
- Sue anyone for writing anything about your “religion,” negative or positive, especially when your “religion” involves going to another planet on a spaceship after the Apocalypse.
- Start talking to your agent about getting on the next season of Dancing With The Stars.
- Call (one of) the cocktail waitress(es) you’ve been sleeping with and tell her to change her answering message to a recorded voice “just in case.”
- Arrange for Al Cowlings to drive you to the airport in a white Ford Bronco.
Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:
- Write a “list” post on your blog.
- Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
- Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.
Check out these list lovers:
- Five Things To Include In Your Blog’s Media Kit | ABDPBT Personal Finance
- 3 Things I Learned From The Social Media Cheatsheet | ABDPBT Tech
- Alexis at The Well-Read Mom
- Heidi at The Maxwell’s Madness
- Ginger at Ramble Ramble
- Eliz at Tink’s Mom Dot Com