The Piano Man
Mr. Right-Click has become convinced that Billy Joel is following him on Lala.
“Billy Joel? The Piano Man?” I said.
Because — and this is not a knock on Mr. Right-Click’s taste in music, either — I just find it hard to believe that Billy Joel would go to Mr. Right-Click for guidance in his musical tastes. And whilst saying that, I am implicitly acknowledging that yes, there must needs be a reason, separate from Mr. Right-Click, that the ESPN Jock Jams series goes all the way to Volume 5.
“Yes, Billy Joel. Do you know who Billy Joel is?” Mr. Right-Click asked me this, I guess figuring that I was too young to understand the significance of this man with two first names. Foolish.
“Yeah. I know Billy Joel. ‘We’re living here in Allentown . . .‘”
“I mean, do you realize what kind of a musical legacy that guy has? Even if you don’t like his music –“
“‘Where it’s hard to keep a good man down . . .“
“Billy Joel! I mean, he doesn’t just follow anybody.”
“How do you know it’s the Billy Joel, though?”
“Because he only follows like eight people . . . –“
“It could be just some schmoe, saying he’s Billy Joel, though.”
“– and he’s got like 400,000 followers.”
“‘And we were sharp. As sharp as KNIVES . . .“
“And he chooses me to follow! It’s so weird!”
“You know who knows Billy Joel, really, is [Mr. Right-Click’s twin sister,] Erica.”
“What do you mean, Erica knows Billy Joel?”
“Billy Joel really liked Erica’s flowers.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Billy Joel came over, got off his motorcycle, and told Erica that the landscaping at Erica’s old house was the most beautiful he had ever seen. In his whole life.”
“ . . . And we held on to each other, like brother to brother, promised our mothers we’d write . . .”
“Billy Joel used to live by Erica.”
“Why would Billy Joel care about Erica’s flowers?”
“Why would Billy Joel be following you on Lala? Ask Billy Joel!”
” . . .”
“ . . . we said we’d all go down, together . . .“
“Well, how could you determine if it was really Billy Joel, anyway?”