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Still More Evidence That The Green Movement Is Fucking Gross And Hazardous To Your Health

Still More Evidence That The Green Movement Is Fucking Gross And Hazardous To Your Health

I was driving around the other day when I spied a minivan with a peculiar message.

Wait — cooking oil “filtration”? But why would you — is that a french fry character with a boil on his cheek?

It is? And the sweat . . . is cooking oil? He’s sweating cooking oil? But — I’m going to have to go to the website and make sure this isn’t what I think it is.

Since 1996, the Filta Group has been providing unparalleled service around the world to restaurants and other food establishments. Filta’s “Green” services naturally preserve the environment by extending the life of cooking oil with the FiltaFry service, and reducing energy consumption and food waste with the FiltaCool product. Filta services over 5,000 customers every week and has recycled over 250 million pounds of oil!

Recycled oil? Oh, I get it, you mean, like you clean out a fryer and then give the cooking oil to one of those people who has jury rigged their car to run on cooking oil, right? Really, what you mean is “reuse” or “repurpose,” not “recycling,” I see. Phew. Wait. Why is “Green” in scare quotes? Really it should be “recycling” that is in scare quotes, right? Why I am getting a bad feeling from this? Oh good, there’s a video. I’m sure this will make me feel better.

Wait, one step of your “six step process” of cleaning the oil is “arriving on site”? What are the other six steps — “ask the receptionist if she’s busy after work?” “Get parking stub validated”? Do any of these six steps involve throwing the cooking oil away and putting in fresh oil? Surely no reputable company would use this service. Uh oh. Client endorsements from PF Changs, DoubleTree, Chick-Fil-A, and (gasp) California Pizza Kitchen?! And you know these are just the companies who are willing to cop to it! That’s it, I’m never eating out again.

I bet you kids are too young to remember when McDonald’s got busted for using runoff fat from their burgers to fry their french fries, right? Well how is this much better, I ask? Just because it’s run through some “machine” that says it’s better? That removes “virtually all of the carbon material” from the oil before it’s put back for reuse? How about we remove ALL OF THE CARBON MATERIAL by buying new oil every time? Has the world gone mad?

Comments (2)

  1. Snakey
    Dec 21, 2009

    LOL, you are cracking me up. You know that people who deep fry stuff often actually save the oil and reuse it, right? You just pour it in a jar so the crap settles on the bottom or, if you are more finicky, run the oil through some sort of filter (coffee filter, cheesecloth, strainer) to catch leftover bits of food. Otherwise, frying gets expensive. I find the idea of a service kind of comforting (vs. imagining 5″ of sediment at the bottom of a fryer).

    But I’m with you, they need to lance that french fry’s boil and do something about the blood splashing off its amputated lower end.

  2. Dec 23, 2009

    Oh Anna why? Not my beloved CPK! Apparently no coincidence that “green” and “gross” are so similar sounding…

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