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In My Heart

In My Heart

The other morning, Mini was bugging me about something right when I was trying to find my contacts. Stupidly, I had taken off my glasses before finding the contact lens case, and so I was searching around, half-blind, for a contact lens case with this little munchkin at my heels demanding, “FIND DOC! FIND DOC! FIND MY DOC, MAMMA!” For your reference, this is Doc.

We couldn’t find him.

But Mini was insistent that I not only must I FIND DOC, but that I must FIND DOC right that second, and I couldn’t see a damn thing, and besides, I hadn’t had any coffee yet. Truthfully, I had not even yet fully adjusted to having been jolted awake by the recessed lighting in my bedroom being turned on at full blast at 6:00 am as Mini announced his arrival in our bedroom. So, after the sixty thousandth “FIND MY DOC!!!’ and the thirty-fifth opened cupboard yielding — still — no contact lens case, I felt around for my glasses and yelled: “MINI WOULD YOU GIVE ME A SECOND?! PLEASE!! I BEG OF YOU!!”

Before you ask — yes, I yelled, and yes, I really did say, “I BEG OF YOU!” I don’t yell at Mini often, but when I do it has quite an impact. It may be the fact that it doesn’t happen that often that makes him think the toddler version of “Oh, shit.” He has the same reaction to me saying, in a calm voice, “You are making Mommy mad.”

But the other morning I did. And I sat him down and told him we’d find Doc when I got out of the shower. Just to underscore how much trouble he was in, I forced him to watch Little Bill while I was in the shower. He didn’t cry. I’m not sure what threat is inherent in this to Mini, but it is apparently very serious. It hurt my heart a little bit to think about it. Somewhere in the middle of my shower, when the steam finally got to my head, I could not take it anymore, and then I was standing in front of Mini, hair still dripping wet from the shower, me still wrapped in a towel, begging for forgiveness.

“Mini,” I said, trying to get him to look me in the eye, “Mommy is so sorry she got angry with you. I love you very much and I got frustrated, but I’m so sorry. Can I have a hug?”

And in response, a smile that could melt the polar icecaps (if they weren’t already melting) spread across Mini’s face, as he ran over to me.

“Mamma, in my heart!” he said and hugged me around the waist.

“Yes, baby, you’re in my heart, too.”

Comments (15)

  1. surcey
    Dec 4, 2009

    This is so nice. I think when a kid has a generally kind parent, it kind of freaks them out to see him/her frustrated. My 3YO has taken to asking me, “Mama, are you being nice?” when I am in the process of getting mad. Melts your heart fo’ sho.

  2. Dec 4, 2009

    Once I snapped and said, “You kids are driving me crazy!”

    And then there was this awful silence.

    And then the four year old said, “Do you still love us, even when you’re mad?”

  3. Dec 4, 2009

    Oh, I love this. I love that you were in the shower and had to get out to tell him.
    And I love the whole “in my heart.”
    I think you’re raising a little poet there. With one cool “doc!”

  4. Dec 4, 2009

    Their capacity to forgive us so instantly at this age is truly a gift.

  5. Dec 4, 2009

    Tink now recognizes that *tone* I get when I’m about to yell and now she cuts me off (and cuts the tension) with an “Am I driving you nutty, Mommy?” It never fails to make me laugh.

  6. Dec 4, 2009

    Oh, and one word: Lasik.

  7. Dec 4, 2009

    Um, no fair making me tear up at work with your sweet stories and adorable Mini-isms.

  8. Dec 4, 2009

    LOL — ouch! That’s tough. It’s always a delicate balance because WOW can they get annoying at certain times but then you look at the cause of your annoyance and it’s this little munchkin pie. They don’t play fair.

  9. Dec 4, 2009

    Well, to be fair, I think he picked it up from a song that they play on Nick Jr, that says, “When you’re in my heart, you’re in my family.” But, still, I was impressed that he understood the usage and can apply it!

  10. Dec 4, 2009

    Yeah. In some ways you want them not to lose it, but I guess that’s just not conducive to living life as an adult.

  11. Dec 4, 2009

    That’s great! I wish Mini would start doing that to talk me down. What he does do, if he sees me getting upset about something (not related to him), like I’m sad about something, is he’ll say, “Mamma sad? You’re in my heart, Mamma! Mamma happy?” because he knows I love it when he says that.

    Smart kid.

  12. Dec 4, 2009

    I know! I know. I’ve got to get that done. I think I’m going to do it this year. I’ve been kinda wimpy about it. I don’t like the idea of lasers on my eyeball, silly me.

  13. Dec 4, 2009

    You’re not pregnant anymore, Ginger, you’re going to have to toughen up. 🙂

  14. Dec 4, 2009

    I love Laurie Berkner.

  15. Dec 4, 2009

    Oh, I’m way more sappy emotional now than I was pregnant. I also have more food cravings now, and eat more, but I guess that’s neither here nor there.

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