21 Things To Consider Before You Crash A State Dinner At The White House
- Is this really the best way to get my pressing questions about nationalized health care answered?
- What course do we use that weird-shaped knife for, again? I can never remember.
- Do we have to stop eating when Obama does? Or is that only in Monaco?
- Did I order the fish or the chicken? Oh that’s right, I wasn’t invited.
- Is fire-engine red really my best color?
- Why don’t I spell my name “Michelle” like everyone else in the entire world?
- What about sequins and sheer fabric on saris? Will those go over well with the Indian Prime Minister?
- Is getting into the cast of The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. worth posing a threat to the President’s life?
- What about making an ass out of yourself in front of the whole world? Is getting onto the cast of The Real Housewives of D.C. worth that? Oh, you’re right — moot point.
- Is exposing Presidential security breaches on a world stage really what they mean by “guerilla marketing”?
- Also, exactly what am I marketing?
- Do gorillas have money?
- And can I even confirm that gorillas will be interested in it?
- What would Sarah Palin do?
- What would Joe The Plumber do?
- What would the balloon boy’s dad do?
- What could I possibly have to say that would interest any of these people enough for them to not mind me having broken into the White House?
- What is Spielberg’s wife’s name again?
- How will I handle the fallout from having demonstrated a successful means of getting within a handshake’s distance of the President for any would be evil-doers who might be looking for a way in?
- Will Al Qaeda have trouble finding aging, bleached blonde doctors’ wives to sweet-talk their way past Secret Service and gain access to the President?
- Is Al Qaeda a fan of The Real Housewives franchise?
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