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21 Things To Consider Before You Crash A State Dinner At The White House

21 Things To Consider Before You Crash A State Dinner At The White House

Photo Released By White House

  1. Is this really the best way to get my pressing questions about nationalized health care answered?
  2. What course do we use that weird-shaped knife for, again? I can never remember.
  3. Do we have to stop eating when Obama does? Or is that only in Monaco?
  4. Did I order the fish or the chicken? Oh that’s right, I wasn’t invited.
  5. Is fire-engine red really my best color?
  6. Why don’t I spell my name “Michelle” like everyone else in the entire world?
  7. What about sequins and sheer fabric on saris? Will those go over well with the Indian Prime Minister?
  8. Is getting into the cast of The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. worth posing a threat to the President’s life?
  9. What about making an ass out of yourself in front of the whole world? Is getting onto the cast of The Real Housewives of D.C. worth that? Oh, you’re right — moot point.
  10. Is exposing Presidential security breaches on a world stage really what they mean by “guerilla marketing”?
  11. Also, exactly what am I marketing?
  12. Do gorillas have money?
  13. And can I even confirm that gorillas will be interested in it?
  14. What would Sarah Palin do?
  15. What would Joe The Plumber do?
  16. What would the balloon boy’s dad do?
  17. What could I possibly have to say that would interest any of these people enough for them to not mind me having broken into the White House?
  18. What is Spielberg’s wife’s name again?
  19. How will I handle the fallout from having demonstrated a successful means of getting within a handshake’s distance of the President for any would be evil-doers who might be looking for a way in?
  20. Will Al Qaeda have trouble finding aging, bleached blonde doctors’ wives to sweet-talk their way past Secret Service and gain access to the President?
  21. Is Al Qaeda a fan of The Real Housewives franchise?

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Comments (11)

  1. Nov 30, 2009

    The more I hear about this couple, the crazier they get. I think (as evidenced by my list today, too) that if you’re blonde and beautiful there is nothing you can’t get away with (sauntering into the White House and then being served dinner; beating your husband with a golf club).

    My list is up.

  2. Nov 30, 2009

    You may be right. Though Tiger Woods’ wife is definitely beautiful, I’m not so sure about this woman.

  3. Nov 30, 2009

    Ask a bunch of men if they think she’s beautiful; they’ll all say yes. She’s got long hair, decent teeth and skin, and is thin. That’s adds up to “hot.”

    You should test this theory – do something outrageous and criminally suspect. Does Mr. Right-Click golf?

  4. Nov 30, 2009

    I’m not thin, but you have a point. Mr. Right-Click loves to golf, and loves Tiger. He’s pretty upset by this whole thing, actually. At first, I thought Tiger must have been drinking, but now it sounds like he was fleeing from a golf-club wielding wife. Ick.

  5. Nov 30, 2009

    When I first heard that somebody crashed the state dinner, I admit my first thought was, “Whoa, awesome. That sets a new standard of party crashing.” But these people are just tacky.

  6. Nov 30, 2009

    I have to admit, I love the dress. I hate the hair, but I love the dress.

    My list is up.

  7. This story just makes me ticked, I’m not surprised that there are folks who do this but the lack of security ticks me off. What if these people hadn’t been fame-seeking whores, kwim?

  8. Nov 30, 2009

    Yeah, it annoys me too. It’s like, crashing parties is not a big deal, but this is our president, you know? It seems disrespectful.

  9. Nov 30, 2009

    I can’t decide which story to waste my precious time on, this one or Tiger…not that either have any real bearing on my day to day life, right?

  10. Nov 30, 2009

    It’s clear from their wedding video that they like making a spectacle of themselves. So charming.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOasisWedding#p/a/u/0/6NDQmorXCrY

  11. Dec 1, 2009

    OMG, they’re repulsive! Releasing doves, even. Super-ironed hair doesn’t strike me as a wedding look, but I guess she knows better. I mean, you don’t see me on TV now do you?

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