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Still Another Piece of Evidence That The Green Movement Is Not Only Pretentious, Annoying, Sick and Macabre, But Also Just An Excuse To Be Cheap And Gross

Still Another Piece of Evidence That The Green Movement Is Not Only Pretentious, Annoying, Sick and Macabre, But Also Just An Excuse To Be Cheap And Gross

Oh, green. Green, you have gone wrong. I’m sure people have been doing this since the beginning of time, but to create a cottage industry out reusable toilet paper, and call them “family wipes”? Nononononononononono, Greenies! Wallypop is a company that you might have heard of before, but just in case you haven’t, they make Family Wipes, a disposable toilet paper alternative.

Wallypops Family Wipes.

Wallypops Family Wipes.

Which is refreshing, because I don’t know about you guys, but the burden I’ve felt from not having a means of reusing and recycling my toilet paper has been a KILLER. And also, because nothing says family togetherness like cutting up a bunch of old pediatric nurse uniforms, sewing them into squares, and using them as a conduit that allows you to share your fecal matter with the rest of your family members via butt cloth.

Comments (6)

  1. Nov 13, 2009

    Oh my ogsh- That is absolutely disgusting! And kind of humorous….

  2. Nov 13, 2009

    Oh, yeah. I’m actually with you on this one. I especially love the euphemistic name, which is somehow cheery and incestuous. I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, this is no grosser than cloth diapers. And yet…it sure feels that way, no?

  3. Nov 13, 2009

    Yeah. Because apparently some people actually do this. I mean, really! People, life is too short.

  4. Nov 13, 2009

    Oh, I think it is grosser, because you are sharing them with your whole family, hence the name “family wipes.” And also, cloth diapers are gross. I mean, I know they’re supposed to be better for the environment and maybe even better for your kid I think? like better for the kid’s skin, not sure? Anyway, they’re still gross. It’s gross to have remnants of poop on cloth. Bottom line. Poop is gross. I like to get rid of it quickly, never see it again. And no matter how good your homemade laundry soap (shudder) is, you are not going to be able to get all that poop off.

  5. Snakey
    Nov 14, 2009

    Rationally, I want to argue that hey, there’s people out there who use cloth diapers which means they trust the washing machine enough to remove The Stuff their babies pump out.

    But then I go waitaminute, that’s because these babies can’t even hold their heads upright to issue a rousing complaint (and when they do, they realize they are stuck at that preverbal stage, curses!).

    The least this outfit can do is make these things color-coded so people can at least stick to their own (OK, and maybe some standard prints, how about numbers, for the colorblind). Because from one week to the next, I’m not gonna remember if my butt is coded for floppy balloon bunny vs. beach motif.

    p.s.
    my other thought was that these may be a handy stocking stuffer for menstrual cup users 🙂

  6. Nov 15, 2009

    It goes without saying that I use cloth diapers, right? Because I am a dirty hippie (but not that dirty, I guess, or I’d find these more appealing). No, really, it’s because I’m a cheap treehugger. And they aren’t gross, actually, mostly because my washer has a “sanitize” setting that blasts the hell out of those suckers. At least I find it less gross than wrapping my kid’s poop in plastic and leaving it for her to find 50 years later in a landfill. And, so, logically, these shouldn’t bother me.

    BUT THEY DO. Perhaps because toilet paper disintegrates in, what, five seconds? Not seeing the point, earth movement. Not seeing the point.

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