The Only Reason I Would Want To Be On TV Regularly Is To Get And Stay Thin
I share the same hairstylist as the actress Jaime Pressly. This happy coincidence is far less glamorous than it seems, because in Los Angeles, the odds are that this kind of thing will happen. I am telling you this because it is my roundabout way of introducing a really unscientific case study of weight loss and maintenance of weight loss that I’ve been running in my head. That scientific study has as its hypothesis that the only good reason to appear on television regularly, that I can think of, is that it gives you consistent motivation to get and/or stay thin.
See, Jaime Pressly has a son who is almost exactly the same age as Mini. I know this because when I was pregnant, I would go get my hair cut, and Sean would give me updates about how Jaime Pressly’s pregnancy was progressing. So not only did I learn that Jaime Pressly ate a lot of food from McDonald’s whilst pregnant, I also learned when she was about to give birth, and as such she served as kind of a checks and balances system on my own pregnancy weight gain. Because even though Jaime Pressly was supposedly eating McDonald’s, I would see her on TV and she would look much better than I did, even when you allow for the fact that she’s breathtakingly beautiful to begin with and all of the necessary discrepancies in our respective appearances this causes. Jaime Pressly gaining less weight than I did when pregnant was annoying enough, but it was much worse once we had both given birth; this was in April, and by August, she had lost all of the baby weight and was back on My Name Is Earl, where she was using *a prosthetic pregnancy belly* because her character on the show was still pregnant, and she had lost all her weight. [Bitch.]
It was about that time that I started thinking that TV appearances are the best way to lose weight and stay thin. Even being a movie star would not be more effective: movie stars have breaks between their projects, and stretches of time when they’re not being filmed every day. It’s easy for pounds to creep on during those periods — just look at Kate Winslet. She’ll be thin in a movie and then gain a little bit of weight, and then she’ll have to lose it before the next project. That’s fine, but I’d like to just maintain the constant, outside motivation that only regular appearances on national TV can provide. This is a humiliation that has made hundreds of actresses stay thin for decades at a time, even when they didn’t want to — take Kirsty Alley (fought off weight until after Cheers), Jennifer Anniston (always thin, but lost about 20 pounds over the course of the Friends run), Courtney Cox (also always thin, and has been on network TV for most of her adult life), and just about any reality TV show female character.
Which brings me to Kate Gosselin.
I don’t want to look like Kate Gosselin, mind you. But you have got to say that this is a pretty convincing argument for why being on TV regularly is a good diet plan.
Do you think she’s going to be able to stay thin now that the show’s been cancelled?