Swag Bags And Social Awkwardness
This afternoon, after I finally got into Chicago, I headed on over to the Hyatt
to see President Barack Obama to go to the [dumbass] Social[lyAwkward]Luxe suite, where I was not picking up an award, nor was I getting a drink, and wasn’t able to procure a swag bag. Admittedly, I got there kind of late. Also, I don’t really need any of that crap anyway, even if while I was there, I was thinking, “Why the hell am I here, if not for swag?” As it turns out, I was not too late–never too late–to make an ass of myself by asking for directions to the party from Mom-101, at whom I was staring and pointing, as if to say, “You! You! You, with the damask-print swag bag, show me the way to the party.” Instead of approaching her like a normal human, I decided to just point at her and say, “You don’t know me, but I know your face.”
Because apparently I have misplaced the ability to talk to people.
Yeah, so I think Mom-101 may be a little afraid of me now. And not in a good way, either. Fortunately, she is in good company because right after that I went up to Black Hockey Jesus and said, “Hey, you’re Black Hockey Jesus, aren’t you?” and he was like, “Are you crazy woman?” but this was rendered in internal monologue, so all he actually said was, “Uh, yeah, hi!” He was friendly, but also a little weirded out. And then, to make an already uncomfortable and socially agonizing situation worse, I decided to just wander away–to drift away like a swan, as if it never happened at all. Because apparently I want people to think I’m insane.
So yeah, mostly everyone thinks I’m crazy now. Which? you know. Is probably true.
I came back to my room and Skyped with Mr. Right-Click and Mini for moral support. It worked pretty damn well. They opened up their own BlogHer Swag bag of the day this evening:
See, I knew that I would miss my two boys this week while at BlogHer, but I wanted them to not miss me so much. So I decided to put together little swag bags for them to open up each day that I was gone–they are mostly filled with stuff for Mini, but also have a few things for Daddy like his favorite gum and his favorite “water” drink, Sobe Vitamin Water (which Mini refers to as “Dah juice.”) They have one for each day until I come home, and I made sure there were just enough crazy straws and sidewalk chalk to make their days fun in my absence. The Skype session went pretty well, though Mini kind of walked behind the computer like he was wondering if I was hiding back there or something. I suppose video OIP or whatever the hell it’s called is a large concept for a two-year-old to handle, though.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, my day at BlogHer09.
Well, you’ll be happy to know that, later on, the Universe took pity on me and my remedial social skills by blessing me with a little firecracker of awesome by the name of Nancy W. Kappes at the Peoples’ Party this evening. Oh yes, she is real, people. And I have her bidness card to prove it.
And not only is she real, she is a READER OF THIS BLOG! Oh, muses, you have blessed me this evening . . . I have it from the horse’s mouth that Nancy W. Kappes is not only an ABDPBT reader, but she has it “on her thing”–a statement Nancy W. Kappes made whilst gesturing in such a manner as to suggest a computer screen. I got the distinct impression that what Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal, was trying to suggest was that my website was one of her bookmarks. And then, in one of those moments of greatness that only happen when you really need them to happen, when you have been acting like a damn fool all day and feel like a total idiot failure, Nancy W. Kappes pulled out a water bottle from her large purse and told me that she had brought her own vodka. I told her that this was really thinking ahead. And that she should be getting some kind of royalty from The Bloggess, or maybe she should work on a spin-off treatment.
So yeah, I will forever be grateful to The Stiletto Mom for encouraging me to actually go to this event, even though I was hesitant after all of my bumbling fool moves earlier in the day. Also to my boys for giving me a pep talk over Skype this evening. And finally, to Yvonne for being in a conversation with Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal, when I went up to ask her about the status of her luggage. It’s kind of funny how life works out. Also, the conference hasn’t even officially started yet. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?!