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18 Tweets Made By Spoiled Kings

18 Tweets Made By Spoiled Kings

This post is inspired by the tweets from comedian Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes on Twitter).

Ben Schwartz is an actor, writer, and comedian. You can follow him at @rejectedjokes on Twitter.

Ben Schwartz is an actor, writer, and comedian. You can follow him at @rejectedjokes on Twitter.

Listen, you know as well as I do that all knowledge is shared. Stop looking at me like that.

  1. My serf is late again this morning. I’ve told him over and over: I’m not not-paying him to sleep in.
  2. Can you get workers comp for the repetitive strain of sitting in a throne all day? Seriously, my ass is numb.
  3. I like the part of Twitter that is like shouting at a room full of people. But the “unfollow” option is absurd. Also: treasonous.
  4. @LouisXIV Sure dungeons are convenient. But you try falling asleep just a few floors above them! #lambsscreamingclarice
  5. What nobody ever tells you is how much the castle stinks. Seriously. Try cleaning out your chamber pots, people.
  6. I think this crown is giving me a rash.
  7. Great. I downloaded 3.0 and now all of my apps are gone. Fucking great.
  8. Scepters are weird, if you really think about them. I mean, what are they for, exactly?
  9. @PostSecret I am SO OVER my wife’s issues. Am seriously considering switching to Protestantism.
  10. They may call it the disease of kings, but I can assure you that gout is no happily ever after #mybigtoehasspawnedamonster
  11. @Ferdinand‘s Fool would be funnier if he didn’t rip off all his jokes from Carlos Mencia
  12. Whose money is this? I don’t carry ones.
  13. Oh look at me! I’m the King, and here’s my big ornamented stick to prove it! OOGA BOOGA!
  14. Of all the furs in the world, you choose ermine?! Ermine! A weasel? Am I the only one who is keeping track of the meta message anymore?
  15. Crown jewels might be valuable, but they are also heavy. I’m just saying.
  16. Just ONCE I’d like to consummate a marriage without a room full of witnesses.
  17. @MaryBoelyn Why don’t YOU try to arrange Father’s Day around 50 illegitimate children, then, if I’m “not doing multifamily right.”
  18. This day of drinking, whoring, feasting, surveying the palace grounds, sentencing treason & general revelry FINALLY DONE. I so need a vacay.

Got a list to share? Here’s what to do:

  1. Write a “list” post on your blog.
  2. Copy this code, and paste in the text of your post:
  3. Either comment or email me at anna at abdpbt dot com to let me know you’re participating, and I’ll link you up below.

Check out these list lovers:

  1. 6 Resources For Teaching Kids About Money | ABDPBT Personal Finance
  2. Spice Up Your Posts With These 8 Beginner HTML Tags | ABDPBT Tech
  3. Kerry at Clue Wagon
  4. Elizabeth at Half Baked, Twice As Good
  5. Juliet at Thanksgiving Feast
  6. Ginger at Ramble Ramble
  7. Eliz at Tink’s Mom Dot Com

Comments (8)

  1. Jun 22, 2009

    LOVE #9.

    Love the new “You might also like…” thingy with the photos. I might steal that idea, if I ever develop mad skillz.

    My list is up.

  2. Jun 22, 2009

    Strangely enough, these sound like my boss’ Tweets. Hmmm.

    List up!

  3. Jun 22, 2009

    @Kerry, I’ll post how to do it on Tech sometime this week. It’s very very easy.

  4. Jun 22, 2009

    Kerry, go to Link Within. It’s easy! (If I can do it, IT IS EASY.)

    My list is up: Nine (or so) Essential Books for Pregnancy & Beyond.

  5. This is HILARIOUS. I almost choked when I read #3. Awesome. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Jun 22, 2009

    I’ve thought #8 myself.

    My list is up.

  7. Jun 22, 2009

    Okay, I got the Link Within thing. That is WAY cool. I might have to finally stop writing insanely long post titles, though.

    And #9 on this list is STILL cracking me up, five hours after I first read it.

  8. Jun 22, 2009

    This is a great list! Funny stuff.

    Mine’s up.

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