15 Things I Learned From Watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey
- “Bubbies,” in addition to being to a brand of upscale pickles, are something you can pay roughtly $20,000 to acquire in a off-site surgical center.
- “Construction” is an astonishingly lucrative business in Northern New Jersey.
- When in doubt, go with the leopard print.
- It is acceptable–nay, expected–to loudly proclaim your dancing instructor as being “so gay!” if you work in “construction” in Northern New Jersey.
- Ostentatious French Provençal is BIG in Northern New Jersey.
- It is universally thought of as being a bad idea to have “big hair” and “fake nails.” What differs is what constitutes “big” and “fake” in different parts of the country.
- In addition to being a homicidal doll, a “Chuckie” is something that threatens to “hang out” if you bend over whilst wearing a short skirt.
- Wine coolers do still exist! It’s just that they all moved to New Jersey.
- People do make fun of “Jersey Girls,” but it is only because they are jealous.
- There are many places to shop on Cypress. Some of these places sell heavily ornamented Converse Chuck Taylors.
- “Preplay” is something that happens after the revelation of the lingerie but before the lingerie “comes right off.” (If it happens.)
- Every beautiful
former coke whorewoman has a gay man “behind her, supporting her.”
- A good way to motivate your child to do better in remedial summer school is to buy her a brand new, fully loaded SUV a made by a now-defunct American automotive giant.
- Sometimes people with kids, even if their husband works in “construction,” can get nervous about leaving their children with a woman who might have once been involved with the Columbian cartel.
- Jokes about New Jersey: classic comedy gold, no matter which coast you call home.
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