Boo Fricken Hoo, Billionaires
In its latest WTF programming move, ABC World News featured a segment on the plight of the world’s billionaires last night. Among the complaints of the super rich? “When you go from several billion dollars to under $100 million, that’s a drastic life change!” No doubt, Daddy Warbucks. Why, I bet you cannot just go around buying his and her Lambourginis these days. (Oh wait, yes you can.) So I guess you cannot buy precious art and artifacts willy nilly anymore. (Oh, wait, yes you can.) I guess you cannot singlehandedly fund Harvard’s endowment anymore. Wait, you weren’t doing that anyway.
Look, despite what Karen Sugarpants thinks, I’m not a moron: I know that you have to keep people spending in order to get the economy back on its feet. I get the whole Reaganomics concept and everything. But guess what, ABC News? It’s not the billionaires that you’re reading your damn news to. Read your own damn copy: there are only 793 billionaires in the whole damn world. That’s not enough of an audience to land you good blog advertising. The people you need to reach are the people who are waiting in bread lines in San Diego, and people who are squatting in their own homes after failing to make the payments on their adjustable ARMs. And guess what? They don’t give a shit about the billionaires who aren’t spending as much money. They care about how they are going to take care of their own families.
And this is not the only time we’ve had to hear from billionaires. If they’re not complaining about how they cannot spend as much money, and how the economy supposedly needs them these days especially, about how “the last thing this economy needs is a bunch of scared billionaires,” then we’re hearing about how they’ve stolen people’s fortunes (Madoff) or perpetrated fraud on a mass scale (Stanford). I ask you, is there a billionaire in the house who didn’t have to do something dishonest or shady in order to become a billionaire? Other than Warren Buffet, I mean? Let me think . . . Sam Walton . . . owns Wal-Mart. Nuff said. Bill Gates . . . owned Microsoft. Also ’nuff said. Somebody help me here. Why should we give a shit if they don’t have as much money?