What’s Dennis Rodman’s Deal, Do You Think?
You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette
The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
Oh, you’re a rock ‘n’ roll suicide
And the clocks waits so patiently on your song
You walk past a cafe but you don’t eat when you’ve lived too long
Oh, no, no, no, you’re a rock ‘n’ roll suicide
Haven’t you always wanted to start off a post with an epigraph from David Bowie? You know, just like how they did in The Breakfast Club? Me too. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Mr. Right Click and I were watching Celebrity Apprentice the other day. Listen, you never know where you’re going to get inspiration, people. And besides, this season they actually have some famous people, like people who are actually kind of celebrities on Celebrity Apprentice. They also have Khloe Kardashian (which? by the way, lame spelling), but hey. Tom Green is funnier than you think.
“What’s his deal, do you think?” I asked Mr. Right-Click.
“He’s a suicide.”
“What do you mean, ‘he’s a suicide’?”
“He’s a suicide. He always has been.”
“But he has five NBA Championship rings!”
“That is true.”
“You think he’s going to kill himself?”
[singlepic=520,560,560,,left]I thought about this for a while. I don’t know why Dennis Rodman is so interesting to me all of a sudden. He hasn’t changed much since his basketball days, though his hair is possibly not quite so crazy, limited to just the one crazy color. I haven’t seen him in a Vera Wang knockoff lately, either. In truth, he looks like a fairly average LA celebrity who shops on Robinson Avenue, with maybe a few more Bedazzled clothing items than average, but still way less than Danny Bonaduce. So you know, not totally crazy. Still, there’s something about him that is interesting. Like why is he on that show, anyway? He’s not running any kind of publicity thing that I know of, and I would think he’s doing pretty well financially.
“Trump told him to stop playing the victim,” I told Mr. Right-Click.
“When? Last week?”
“Yeah. He said, ‘Listen, I’ve seen how you live, Dennis. I’ve seen your cars, your houses. You’re doing fine.'”
“What did Rodman say?”
“He said, ‘I’m always to blame,’ and then Trump said, ‘Don’t play the victim, Dennis.'”
Mr. Right-Click laughed.
“Then they argued briefly about who was the bigger star.”
“That sounds about right.”
Suicide is a weird word, when it is applied to a living person. I have a hard time believing Dennis Rodman is about to kill himself, but every time he talks I want to tell him to speak up. Seriously, he has the quietest voice for a celebrity I’ve ever heard. His fashion sense and his voice volume are inversely proportional. It’s bizarre. Why would someone be so concerned about making a statement with their clothing–toned down when compared to years past, yes, but he still wears his crazy baseball hat, even in the boardroom, and has piercings EVERYWHERE–but be so quiet and softspoken? What’s your deal, Dennis? Why can’t your clothes and your personality match? Why can’t you turn that frown upside down? What is Dennis Rodman’s deal, do you think?