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Poop and Circumstance

Poop and Circumstance


There comes a day in every mommyblogger’s life when she must ask herself how she stands on poop. Will she address it? And if so, how? Will she write about poop and its circumstances at length? And where does one draw the line with poop? Where does the experience of the poop-cleaner-upper’s start to transgress too far into the personal privacy of the pooper? And who is to say that the trauma of one–that of the poop-cleaner v. that of the pooper–is more or less important than the other? Who owns the poop experience? And who has to take it out to the trash?

That day is not today for me, apparently, because I’ve covered the poop topic extensively before. But today is different in the sense that the siren song of excrement is calling to me for celebratory reasons instead of profane ones. You see, Mini, at just under 23 months, has decided to take his first poop on the potty.

So it’s confirmed: this child is an overachiever. Sure, there are probably kids–genetically engineered or something–who do it earlier, but not by much. And I know that all parents are proud of their little ones, blind to their faults, convinced that everything they do is impressive and interesting. The difference is, my kid is truly impressive and interesting. Even without the lens of parental pride, you must bear witness to his excellence!

Oh yes, I’ve always known it. I’ll admit that I didn’t necessarily believe that the first concrete proof I would get of his excellence was going to involve the crapper. But I did know it was there–when he first smiled, when he flipped over at like, 2 weeks old or something, the first time he laughed at me doing a British accent and saying, “Good DAY, sir!.” The child is destined for greatness, I say: in poop, and in the world beyond.

There are moments when his excellence displays a dark side, I admit. For example, he becomes frustrated if his trains do not line up perfectly, in the order he desires, every single time. Or needing to brush the (mostly imaginary) dirt of off his hands after touching communal gymnasium equipment at My Gym. But such are the peccadilloes that are part and parcel of genuis! And even if It was a little insulting that Mini insisted on going over with me the finer points of the Love & Logic book I’m reading to learn how to discipline him, I appreciated the time he took out of his schedule to do so. Because let’s face it, it’s probably only a matter of months before he’s doing math that is way beyond me, like chaos theory and that 5th-dimensional shit.

OK, so maybe it’s not earth shattering to poop on the potty. Your kids have been doing it for years. But I’m not often surprised you see. And I had not even gone and looked at potty training books or portable potties or any of that (cough) shit yet because 1) Mini’s not even 2 yet; and 2) he’s a boy, so I’ve been expecting another year or so of the diaper dance. That’s what they led me to believe on BabyCenter, anyway. But lately he’s been doing this thing where he’s touching his diaper annoyingly, like right after I change him. as if to say, “What’s with this fucking diaper, woman?” or “What am I, a BABY?” and then today, a brief episode of constipation led to him being put on the potty directly and sure enough, he did it, no problem, no fear. We’ll see how he does in the weeks to come, as we start trying to train him in earnest, but man, this kid is just full of surprises. (The good kind.)

Comments (15)

  1. Mar 6, 2009

    Holy cow. My daughter didn’t master pooping until past her third birthday. In fact, the whole potty-training experience was so bad that I can’t remember some of it, because my brain has blocked it out as a traumatic event. I am not looking forward to it with my son.

    So, does this mean you aren’t even going to have to buy the “Everyone Poops” book? Because that would be tragic.

    Kerry´s last blog post..Meet the Farty Guy

  2. Mar 6, 2009

    Holy crap, some pun intended, I got a little worried whe I read that I “must bear witness.” I feared there would be photos. Thanks for not including those in the post and congratulations! Pretty soon you’ll be out and about with just a cute purse, no diaper bag, and intimate knowledge of every public restroom in a fifty mile radius of your home.

  3. Mar 6, 2009

    Hurrah for Mini! During a similar episode of constipation, we put my 18 month old on the potty, just to see what would happen, since she obvious wanted to poop and it just wasn’t happening. But, alas, she didn’t poop in the potty. Maybe in 5 more months?

    Ginny Marie´s last blog post..Book Nook: White Bunny

  4. …and then there’s a period, around the age of 5, where the connection between poop and the toilet misfires and you’re weeping when you see your kid rush inside and run to the bathroom and you know, you just know, that it’s too late.

    Or maybe that was just my experience. For far too long. However, I will now say the phrase I hate – it’s all good now.

    Also, how awesome of Mini! This child is absolutely destined for great things!

  5. Mar 6, 2009

    Wait–is that you in the photo? You had your son at age 14???? Isn’t it interesting on how everything a new mom reads states that boys are usually over age 3 to master the potty? I think that info is brought to us by the company that makes Pull Ups. Anyway, what a smart boy!

  6. Mar 6, 2009

    @Michelle, no–I had my son at 33! But yes, that’s me in the photo.

  7. Mar 6, 2009

    You are a lucky poop-cleaner-upper! My kid just did his first potty deuce, and he’s two and a half! I just blogged about it
    –he’s kind of resistant to the idea.

    Mini is obviously precocious!

    becky´s last blog post..My Love for Orla Kiely Will Not Be Silenced

  8. Mar 6, 2009

    My second kid is a boy. He has been striving to keep up with his 2 1/2 years older sister since day one. He has been a toilet poopologist since he was a little over two. My third kid, also a male-child, is only interested in cleanliness if it involves a) washing his hands, or b) brushing his teeth. He’s two and a half, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to wear diapers until he gets embarrassed by them, at, say, seventeen or so.

    pamela´s last blog post..hi! everyone’s great! i’m a liar!

  9. Mar 6, 2009

    woo-hoo, way to go Mini! now, if only he’d only start wiping his own ass…

    and how’s that Love & Logic book? i’m beside myself trying to figure out how to dicipline Oscar these days. the little shit laughs at me no matter what I try.

    jenni´s last blog post..A Dilemma

  10. Mar 6, 2009

    @Jenni, Love and Logic is working out well! We just started it, but so far it has worked. I got it on a recommendation from people on message boards I visit. Basically, you work on displaying empathy for them and giving them choices so that they feel like they have control. Yesterday, Mini wanted to go drive his car (yes, he has a car, don’t ask), and it was getting close to dinner time, so I said, “Mini, do you want to come inside and watch Oprah, or do you want to come inside and watch The Backyardigans.” He pointed to the car, so I’d be like, “Oh, how sad. That isn’t a choice,” and repeat the choices. Eventually he came in, though, no tantrum, no fit, no whining.

  11. Mar 6, 2009

    @becky, well, we’ll see. He did the first one so well but now he’s more hesitant. I’m sure it’s going to take a while.

  12. Crash commanda
    Mar 6, 2009

    You are a lucky, blessed woman. We had to bribe our first with M&Ms to get her to go on the potty. 2 M&Ms for #1 and a whopping 5 for #2. Within a few days she started gaming it (just peeing a little at a time, a few minutes apart), and the gig was up. And she was 2 1/2. He is definitely an overachiever!

  13. Mar 9, 2009

    I’m sorry, I was so distracted by your great hair I had a hard time focusing on the poop.

    As a preschool teacher and mom of three, I have had more to do with poop than a sanitation worker in NYC.

  14. Mar 9, 2009

    Thanks, Sean will be excited to hear my hair is beautiful.

  15. Mar 10, 2009

    Than you for providing me with the opportunity to brag about the fact that I was fully potty trained at 18 months. I seldom get to use that small tidbit from my childhood, being usually distracted by trying to justify things I currently do instead.

    Tracy Lynn´s last blog post..You Get Three Shots, In Case You Need A Ride, Or Some Heroin Or Something

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