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This is not a Saturday Night Live Skit, I Swear, But it Might Be Next Week

This is not a Saturday Night Live Skit, I Swear, But it Might Be Next Week


From the New York Stock Exchange‘s website:

NEW YORK, Sept. 22, 2008 – The New York Stock Exchange today welcomed His Highness, Sheikh Nasser Al-Mohammad Al-Ahmad Al-Sabah, Prime Minister of the State of Kuwait. His Highness met with NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer and commenced the day’s trading by ringing the NYSE Opening Bell.

“We are delighted to welcome His Highness on his first visit to the NYSE,” said Mr. Niederauer. “We look forward to furthering our relationship with Kuwait, and the prospect of listing the first company from Kuwait on our markets.”

“This is going to be one of the most important days in our history,” said His Highness, Sheikh Nasser Al-Mohammad Al-Ahmad Al-Sabah, Prime Minister of the State of Kuwait. “The NYSE is one of the most important stock exchanges in the world, and we’re glad to have a strong cooperative relationship with the NYSE that will hopefully enable Kuwait to list its first company in the U.S.”

The lead story teaser on last night’s news showed a clip version of the header picture and reported that, “Today, the stock market plunges another XYG points, while oil prices soar!” I have to assume that there is somebody in the newsroom and/or the video editing department who has a black sense of humor, because nobody could be so dumb as to air this without recognizing the irony and potential for comedy, could they?

Don’t answer that.

What I want to know is, why can’t we have news that is real and straightforward. Why can’t we have news that says, “Look at what a bunch of dumbshits we are–can you believe that at this point in our nation’s history, that THIS is the guy we choose to invite to ring the stupid stock exchange bell? Are you kidding me?”

If you go to another country, the news is not like our news. I am not talking about infotainment shows like Entertainment Tonight, Extra, or Inside Edition, here, either. I am talking about major network news. I know Charlie Gibson isn’t a dumbass, that is clear from when he interviewed a true dumbass a few weeks ago. So why can’t we have him saying something like, “Did you see that? Can you believe this? Are we actually watching the news, or is this a joke, like April Fools Day in September kind of a thing?”

Because you know that’s what he was thinking.

I’m tired of everything being dumbed down, neutralized, or submitted in code. The reason people think Americans are so stupid is because we insist on broadcasting shit like this, and then it goes unnoticed by the general public. Like people are sitting at home, eating their Chik-Fil-A and going, “Hey, look, a Kuwaiti is ringing the bell! Isn’t that nice.” And then turning the channel to American Idol.

On second thought, that probably is what they are doing.

Comments (8)

  1. Sep 23, 2008

    Unfortunately being able to see the humor in a situation is not a prerequisite for broadcast journalism, or newswriting of any kind. But then again, that is why Jon Stewart has a job.

  2. Sep 23, 2008

    I think by assuming that they even saw any of the news, you might be giving them too much credit.

    But then, I am an elitist, news-watching arugla-eater.

  3. Sep 23, 2008

    Are you a construction of the liberal media, too? (I am)

  4. Sep 23, 2008

    Wait, you have a chik-fil-a near you? I’m so jealous!

  5. Sep 23, 2008

    Whenever I want to watch mindless drivel in the news, I turn to The Today Show. I enjoy getting my moring fill of superiority as they trip over themselves interviewing their big gets…sets me up for a feeling of righteous superiority for the remainder of the day.

  6. Sep 23, 2008

    No, I don’t even really know what Chik-fil-a is. I only know about it from listening to Dave Ramsey. Poetic license.

  7. Sep 23, 2008

    LOL @ the Charlie Gibson isn’t a dumbass because you just saw him interview a dumbass comment. My heart is going to explode before the end of this election, Anna, I just know it. Well, if McCain continues to only let Sarah talk like once a week and then only at scheduled events with prepared speeches and, by all fucking means, not letting her field any unprepared questions from the media, I might make it. But, if you put that cat on a hot tin roof before impromptu questioning, I feel my head about to explode.
    “Bush Doctrine….in what sense, Charlie?”
    The reason your news seems like a SNL skit is because we’ve let Homer Simpson run the country for the last eight years.

  8. Sep 24, 2008

    I think the reason we can’t have real news in because we live in America. Unfortunately Idiocracy isn’t too far away. (If you haven’t seen it yet go rent it). Camacho for President!

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