Zootopia; Or, Mini Guest Posts in the Style of Breakfast of Champions
Sunday is family day, and this week we went to the Los Angeles Zoo. Daddy says this zoo is also known as the Crappiest Excuse for a Zoo He Has Ever Seen, Given this is the Second Largest City in the United States. They decided to take the stroller, so that when I refused to ride in it and forced one of them to carry me at all times, the other one would get to push it through the park all day. Since it was very hot that day, Mommy picked out the most uncomfortable outfit she could find.
As per usual, she spent the whole day obsessing about how she looked. She felt very disgusting in the heat. She questioned her fashion sense. She vowed to go back on her diet. For reals this time. Later, we saw these people:
I guess they thought their outfits would help them to blend in while cutting in line. Maybe Mommy’s fashion sense wasn’t as bad as she thought. Speaking of fashion, see if you can guess who picked out my outfit today:
I wasn’t sure what to think about the goats. They seemed awfully lazy. Where was their get-up-and-go?
We were very excited to see the animals they would bring out during the “Animals & You Program” at 10:45 am. We were promised that we were “sure to have a wild time during [this] close-up creature encounter[!]” The suspense was killing us. What would they bring out today? A baby lion? A baby tiger? Maybe a six-foot-tall baby giraffe? No! It’s . . . a guinea pig.
Kids don’t get the opportunity to see a real life guinea pig, in the flesh, just any old day. We were sure to sanitize our hands before petting, lest we mess up the delicate constitutions of the guinea pigs. After this display, even the flamingos held their heads down in shame.
I am still not sure why Mommy insisted on showing me the weird shaped rocks in the water.
But sometimes people are strange and confusing.
Sometimes they do annoying things. Like conjure up a magical rain and wind machine to use against you.
Or put sunscreen in your hair.
When you are clearly trying to impress the ladies, and now they won’t give you the time of day.
Then again, sometimes they will let you share their soda, even when they know it’s not good for you. And sometimes, they will dress up in a funny hat just to make you laugh.
And sometimes, they come in handy when you need somebody to lean on.
Yeah, I love people. But not as much as leopards!